Things I cannot do when we have a child

As dictated by M.

I may not call other drivers stupid idiots. I have to say things like "That person is acting inappropriately by cutting me off."

I may not use profanity. I plan to highlight the difference between well-placed profanity and obscenity into this expectation.

M. has declared that I will not be the one to talk to them about sex or we may have slutty children. Well, as long as they're safe and slutty...I think we have some time to negotiate this one.

I have to be nice to the other parents at the inevitable playgroup.