The List

I guess it's good that we're spending so much time with this decision. It's a big one.

Here's my list of pros and cons for known and unknown donors in no particular order. Maybe this will help us decide? Hmmm.

Pros of Unknown Donor

• no legal risk - donor severs parental rights at time of sperm donation
• very little risk of disease or infection transmission to bio mom/baby
  
• no relationship to build/maintain with donor, no emotional attachments, clear family structure
  
• sperm, not a man
• can switch donors at the blink of an eye
• can be mailed to our home for insemination there if doing IVI
  

Cons of Unknown Donor

• very expensive
• tiny amount of sperm trying to impregnate with each cycle - not a high chance with IVI at home
• with IUI, conception occurs in a medical setting (cold and more expense)
  
• could take a long time to get pg and we're not getting any younger
• timing stress as sperm don't live as long
• no idea really of who the donor is, what kind of character he has
• child would not have the chance to know who their donor is
  

Pros of Known Donor

• free or virtually free
• much larger samples of sperm
• more inseminations possible per cycle
• increased chances of conception sooner
• IVI at home has a higher chance of working
  
• child could have access to the donor and know who they are while growing up
• we know the donor, what he looks like, his character, his family history
  

Cons of Known Donor

• chance of donor trying to assert their legal right to child before our 2nd parent adoption goes through (much greater risk if doing IVI at home)
• would probably have to do IVI in medical setting to reduce legal risk (hard to find a Dr. willing to do this because of the liability)
  
• asking donor to do semen analysis, STD testing and bloodwork
• higher risk of disease or infection transmission to bio-mom/baby
  
• have to find a donor who wants the same level of involvement we want them to have
• more interpersonal emotions involved
• possibly uncomfortable negotiations on wants/desires and and very personal question asking
• relying on someone else running around and being where you want them, when you want them
  
• complicated deciding who will know about the donation, who will not know and when to tell
• have to rely on trusting donor and his partner (if he has one)
• need to seek immediate legal advice and draw up contract
  

So there you go....it's a big list.