Riding with Fatty
I work hard to be a valuable person in life. I work hard at my job. I work hard at parenting. I work hard at my relationship. I am not going to be told that I am lesser than anyone else for any reason.
This works most of the time.
This morning I was taking my a.m. nap on the bus when woke up and glance down at the piece of paper my seatmate was writing on. I wasn't being nosey. I just happened to read what she was writing and this is what I saw:
I'm sitting next to a sleeping giant fat lady on the bus.
All of my work in life was reduced down to this single sentence. I wasn't a nurse. I wasn't a mother. I wasn't a spouse, or a daughter, or a neighbor. I was simply fat. Oh, and sleeping. Suddenly the lady next to me had a upset, pissed off fatty on her hands. The sleeping giant had awoken.
I told her that what she wrote was not nice and rather cruel, then I got up and walked away. Of course it didn't end there because I had to endure another ten minutes on the bus with her and has happenstance had it, I ended up standing next to her again while she apologized profusely over and over, even telling me that she was simply trying to cheer up her friend who was getting a divorce. I responded, over and over again, that I didn't really care and as far as I was concerned the conversation was over. Finally I decided to get off the bus and walk the extra few blocks to work. A small price to pay.
I'm really glad I don't see the world in that way. Being overweight has made me to see the value of people beyond their body size and shape. It doesn't mean that moments like that don't feel pretty close to a knife twisting deep in my gut. Bottom line is that people can really, really suck.
posted by Sacha @ 7:51 AM
18 comments
18 Comments:
Hi there. I must delurk (I enjoy your blog and think your son is a doll) to tell you that I’m sorry that this woman’s words were so hurtful. I know I’d be very upset if this had happened to me, but I must say that you did a tremendous job of dealing with it. You communicated your feelings, and it sounds like this woman really regretted what she did. She learned something and maybe next time she’ll think twice about making such judgments.
Sometimes people are ignorant and need to be taught things. My sister brought her adopted daughter (who is of a different race than her mom) to the local Y. The new teenager checking her ID told my sister she’d have to pay for Janna since she had a “family only” membership. At first my sister was confused and then very angry. But she managed to somehow educate the teenager (and the management) and explain to then 5 year old Janna that sometimes people say mean things because they just don’t know any better. And that we can teach them even if we are hurt. I guess I’m just saying that it sounds to me like you maintained your dignity even though you were hurt. That’s my two cents. Thanks for sharing your story. -Monica
Oh, my God. I am so sorry. What an awful thing to experience.
And? She's on crack! What she wrote was "not nice and rather cruel" AND NOT TRUE! "Giant fat lady"?!?! Big, yes - you're big, I'm big, lots of people are big - but "giant fat"!?!? Even if it were true it would be appalling and horrid but it's worse to me because it's so disproportionate.
Ugh. Hugs to you!
Oh my god what a FUCKING ASSHOLE!! I'm glad you said something to her.
wow- I have no idea what to say about this post! XP
Oh my god, I'm so sorry that happened. People are unbelievable sometimes. I'm totally outraged just reading about it. It's awesome that you said something. I know if it had happened to me, I wouldn't have had the courage to say anything, so you rock for making her realize what a hurtful thing she did.
ARRRGGGHH! I have to agree with what all the other posters have written so far. This SUCKED and you are amazing for confronting it. I know that I would not have had the courage to do that, but in doing so, you changed a moment that was purely hurtful into a moment that was still hurtful, but also revolutionary. Imagine what the world would be like if all of us stopped letting people get away with commenting on our bodies. AND you are beautiful, so clearly this woman has a soul and a brain the size of a shriveled raisin (and very poor eyesight).
i also agree that it's such a big deal that you confronted her. i don't know if i would've had the guts to do it. and though i hope she has learned something valuable for doing such an assholish thing, i am so sorry that you took a hit in your self esteem.
you are all the things you have invested your life in: nurse, spouse, mother, and you're a leader, a pioneer. i think you are wonderful and gorgeous and if you find out where this woman lives, i will personally kick her ass for you.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately we live in a society that glorifies stick-thin, drug-addicted people like Paris Hilton and vilifies sensible, realistic people like Jennifer Love Hewitt.
I'm glad you stuck up for yourself and taught this woman a lesson. I'm sure she'll never make the same mistake again!
I'm delurking to say that you are my hero! How wonderful that you stood up for yourself and said something. You rock!
and since I've spoken up I'll take the opportunity to say that your boy is one of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen.
I didn't read what other people said in comments so far, so sorry if this is a repeat. DP had a really good point...you mightb e the girl that takes care of her dying father one day. I'd like the opportunity to ask her to think about that.
We are so bothered that this happened to you.
P.S. One more word...karma.
Good for you standing up for yourself! People need to know that they need to not be rude or make fun of other people to feel better about themselves.
That is awesome that you had the guts to say something to that person. You ROCK! That is not something I would ever have done - I would have just thought about all of the stellar things I SHOULD have said!
What a hurtful experience. Good for you for turning it into an educational opportunity for this horrible woman. Here's hoping that she takes it to heart and starts really looking at and thinking about people before she makes judgements in the future. What most people consider fat certainly isn't unhealthy. You're beautiful. Even if you weren't, though, we are all so much more than our bodies.
Oh, I feel you. And I admire you for saying something. i know I wouldn't.
More than once, I have had a person scowl and get up when I sat down next to them on the subway (and in the city I live in, the seats are not generously proportioned). This happens even though I am actually careful about where I sit down and I do *not* sit if I think there isn't room, even if there's an available seat. It really cuts me to the quick.
(Once this happened to me and another commuter, a man, thought it was bitchy of the skinny woman to get up, and made a face at me and mouthed something like "what a bitch." It actually made me cry that he was so sweet.)
holy shit, I am so sorry, and so glad you confronted that woman.
my brother-in-law referred to me as a "heifer" in an email to all his siblings (my partner included) and their spouses. As much as it stung (big time) it helped to remind myself that it's a completely easy way to hurt someone used by people who can't find something REAL to dislike about a person. Still sucks. I'm sorry.
I'm delurking as well. I enjoy your blog and photographs. You've got a great family. I think that it is really hard to see people removed from their bodies. The fact that you can is excellent. I can't....yet. But I'm aware and know that it is my problem, not the other person's.
That you confronted her?? WOW! You go!
I'm sorry this happened to you. I just had the same experience on an airplane today and started a blog because of it. As a matter of fact, I found you after Googling "giant fat lady" to see if my blog would show up in a search yet. Mine played dumb when I confronted her, and we spent the rest of the flight in complete silence.
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