One Giant Mind EFF!!!

Finally life has slowed enough for me to sit down and write.

As we wait for OOB (our original boy) to return M. and I have been thinking more and more about Finn's little brother or sister. We might be jumping onto the TTC wagon again at the end of 2008, we may not. It's hard not knowing.

I personally have been doing a lot of thinking. I think I'm moving toward being ready to have a sibling for Finn. M. has been sure from before day one that we will not have an only child but I haven't felt quite as sure. I'm starting to be able to see having a newborn again, and I'm starting to be able to envision our family as four instead of three. I'm also starting to feel that we can work to give Finn what he needs and balance that with having another kid in our lives.

Anyway, onto the giant mind EFF (as FUCK, except babycakes (at least the writer) is attempting to watch her language a bit more).

It took us eight (long) tries (sorry anonymous, it doesn't feel any less long to me even if you remind me that other people try even longer) so I feel prepared for almost anything when it comes to trying to get M. pregnant. I'm ready to batten down the hatches and ride the waves of BFNs.

Except then I start thinking.

We fully expect it will be even more difficult to get M. pregnant because of PCOS so we're ready for the long haul. Maybe even a miscarriage. Interventions loom and we haven't even stuck a sperm-loaded syringe up her vagina quite yet. But you can't plan how your TTC will go and since we're expecting so much trouble and pain and struggle and emotionally draining failure...

WE'LL GET PREGNANT ON THE FIRST TRY!!!!!!!!!

right? Because things never turn out the way you expect...please....

And THIS my dearest people is the giant GIANT mind EFF. We're back to where we were in January of 2006, completely sure we would be pregnant immediately. It's a vicious cycle that can suck in even the most weathered battle weary TTC veterans. It's maddening.