The Happenstance of Conception
I've come to realize that getting pregnant has everything to do with chance and not much to do with anything else.Which is why I'm developing a pet peeve about people who assert that their pregnancy came from a specific event. M. and I did everything we could to MAKE ourselves get pregnant. We charted for a year. We researched. I mean LOTS of research. We finally got our first batch of sperm up there and .... nothing. Six months later...nothing. None of that made us get pregnant.
I could go on about the things people claim made them get pregnant. The acupuncture. The full moon. Clomid. HSG. Chinese herbs. That vacation in Mexico. Extra sleep. Standing on your head. Preseed. Getting drunk around ovulation. The lunar fertility chart. Winning your Tetris game (okay, that's my own personal one). Being straight and having the condom break (that's DtD's theory...I'd be pregnant if we were straight and the condom broke). Not wanting to be pregnant makes you pregnant. Being sixteen. Making an appointment with an RE. Deciding to move to adoption. Giving up. Bad timing. The math (inside joke). Green tea. Prayer. And so, so SO MUCH MORE. Feel free to add your own.
Here's the reality: none of that works. It's all some sort of crazy voodoo that TTC folks do to make us feel like we have some control when we have very little.
The only thing that works is happenstance. The chance meeting of egg and sperm followed by the magical event of implantation. And nothing we do can MAKE that happen.
So, for once, I would like someone to say "We got lucky." It's actually hurtful for someone who is Taking Some Time but has Nothing Apparently Wrong to hear other people's pregnancy attributed to anything more than luck. Because at this time that's all that M. and I have left.
posted by Sacha @ 10:26 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
I am banking on the full moon this cycle so don't be burting my bubble!
;-)
I SO hear you on this! One thing I have learned during all this is that you have no control. It is a mad, mad, mad world- this trying to get a baby- and I hate it too when someone pins a pg on some sort of event. Dude. It's all dumb luck.
& all the dummies seem to be geting lucky.
Well, except for the people I like. I won't call them dummies. But those other people...
Hey, I'll say it.
We were freaking lucky.
Yeah, I charted and drank FertiliTea and did a little bit of "Fertility Yoga" and cut out caffeine, but, really? We were lucky to hit it on the second try.
And if we make it all the way to delivery, I'll count us as REALLY lucky.
Here's hoping that 6 is the lucky number for you.
I hear you on the odds. My doctor keeps saying there is nothing significantly wrong - we just have been on the wrong side of the odds. We'll I'm turning into a gambling addict. I covet those odds like bibilical men coveted wifes. I"m tired of not knowing, ecpeically when not knowing end in "not this time."
I hear you. I completely agree with everything you wrote.
We got lucky!
no doubt about it!
You are so right, no amount of special teas, or shots or timing is going to guarantee that you get pregnant. I mean, if we could, we would roll out a f-ing red carpet and escort the sperm to the egg! Does that mean you'll get pregnant? Nope! Why not? Cause it's all luck.
Hang in there! Your luck is coming
Oh, it's definitely just luck. If there was a precise formula for getting pregnant than we'd all be doing it and the professionals would be using it. It's just chance and all you can do is hope and pray and wait. Good luck to you!! We're on try #5 and it's been almost 8 months. It sucks but it will happen.
Hell yeah! We're at the 6 month point with no luck yet too. And you're damn right, there's no voodoo or religion involved. My cousin who is very christian and religious can't get pregnant any easier than I can.
I agree we were lucky... what else do I chalk it up to? bringing my iPod to the office visit - riiight... it was my "fertility mix" NOT!
Really hoping and wishing and sending you conception/implantation vibes!!
You're right.... It's honestly just a biological process. I never did anything besides charting and stopped taking the pill to get pregnant and I am extremely lucky it happened so fast each time (surprise #1, 1 month #2, and 2 months #3). Fortunately, it is a lottery that many people will win. The odds are on your side and I send you good luck vibes every month.
When I said to my doc after the last failure, "But we did everything right," he politely reminded me that getting pregnant is not like going to buy a gallon of milk -- i.e. a cause and effect relationship. What happens when you run out of milk? You go to the store, you pay your $, you get milk. TTC defitely does not fit into that model.
An interesting analogy, but it makes sense.
But I'll tell you what REALLY burns me: Jane and I have been committed to eachother for several years, and we waited until we were financially (and emotionally) ready to have a baby. All of my MALE cousins, who have shit jobs and no money, have managed to impregnant women that they are not committed to. So unfair.
I totally agree with you here, there is only so much you can do, i.e. don't be a crack whore, actually come to think of it that might help?!? We as people like to have a sense of control about things and you're right, our little "thoughts" about what got us there are just those IMO thoughts. I often wonder, does any of that really really really work? It's a degree of chance, the uncanny thing is how those who want to be pregnant never are and those who don't want kids always are, like two our of teenage nieces-one is family and one's extended, but they're expecting later this year, and yet earlier this year I was diagnosed with cancer, WTF?
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