Sticking With Us
M. and I have decided we need to start a support group for people who are Taking Some Time to get pregnant but have NOTHING apparently wrong. Because in a way it sucks to have nothing wrong. It means you have to keep doing what you're doing...nothing really can be tweaked that much.
Part of Taking Some Time to get pregnant is looking to the future. When you start trying to get pregnant you think it will just happen. When it doesn't you start adjusting your expectations. We're starting to accept that Project Baby may take a year...maybe more. Throw a known donor into the mix and things get complicated. We don't have the luxury of time.
Which leads to the inevitable TALK. We had to have THE TALK with DtD tonight. Would he be willing to go past our agreed upon minimum twelve cycles? I admit that I was nervous about his answer. Because using a known donor is important to me and if we don't get preggers within our twelve we'd be moving onto frozen.
He said he'd go past twelve.
Getting DtD's answer was paramount for us to make the decision to move to IUI next cycle. I think we're going to do it. Because it could help some of our sperm issues and hell, we have a spare $300 to give to the fertility clinic, ha. Next step, get our intake appointment and find out exactly how we're going to convince the clinic that DtD is my boooooyfriend and not my stud, and how many questions they'll have about my 'roommate' who comes to all my appointments.
Oh, and try to figure out a subtle way to convince the clinic they need to add some gay porn to their collection.
posted by Sacha @ 8:38 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Well.. now that I delurked I might as well ask some stupid questions. Why do you have to tell the clinic that he's your boyfriend? Why can't you just tell them that he's your donor?
Can I be part of your new thought up support group. I'm on cycle 9 and it's just getting harder and harder to stay optimistic.
I feel you ladies, it's tough...
Hang in there!
And although I don't know you on a personal level, I love reading your blog. I have a whole new perspective on your journey:)
Lisa
Hooray for DtD (and BF) being prepared to do what it takes - what a great guy!
It sucks that it's taking so long for no obvious reason. At least with frozen sperm and IUIs, you can blame repeated BFNs on bad timing/poor samples etc. but with your route, you're doing everything that gives you the best possible chance, and it's still not working. It must be super-frustrating.
Just as a bit of encouragement though (hopefully), I do have some friends who have a KD (he's actually co-parenting) and both times that Sarah's got pregnant, it's taken them 6+ tries, doing between 3-5 insems each cycle.
Support group sounds good!
yeah! So glad that THE TALK went well with DtD. Very good news.
After my 8th failed IUI my RE started looping me into a group such as the one you speak. Well actually- it isn't a support group- but we are all branded with scarlet UI: Unexplained Infertility. Healthy women with healthy sperm that seem to have no reason whatsoever to stop them from getting preggo---but they just aren't.
The only perk about this is that we have a special time we get to go to the RE. A time when we are told that we will not see preggo women or women with children when we go in.
It's very depressing.
But girls, #6 has such a good ring to it. I hope you never get branded like me & that all the angst stops at this cycle!!
xo
Krista - if we tell the clinic that DtD is our donor they will quarantine his sperm for six months and do all the STD tests. Nevermind that we've done all the testing already and DtD is monogamous.
It's to keep them from being sued.
Lisa - you can be part of our group any time. And we'll meet places where there are NO pregnant women. And plenty of booze!
Calliope - you are my hero ::hug::. And I'm glad to hear your doc has a special time for you because that's one of the hardest things I've found...having to see all those other people with what YOU want. M. has a coworker who is queer, got pregnant on the second try at home with fucking FROZEN and poor M. has had to watch her growing belly. She's stopping work in a couple weeks and we're both happy, happy, happy.
Tamsin - hearing those stories actually helps. At this point it feels like most people using a KD get pregnant before six.
I want to join too! Admittedly we only tried four times before taking a break and our current 'infertility' is explained by a lack of sperm. But I also burn with jealousy when I see moms with little babies or pregnant women. In fact last night I dreamt that my tacky relatives from the country sent us a christmas card with one of those barfy collages of all their little kids in matching outfits and one of the pictures in the collage was a positive pregnancy test. I woke up livid with anger!
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