Anxiety
I'm up in the middle of the night because I'm anxious. My throat is raw and my head is stuffed up, so I'm having trouble breathing, and it's taking me back to when we first came home and I kept feeling like I couldn't breathe. I needed M. to talk me through things and calm me down.
But we have a boy to tend to.
I guess it's good that this is the first time I wish I wasn't parenting overnight. I want my bed so I can toss and turn and toss again until I find a spot that's comfortable. Or at least to be able to sleep on the couch but I can't even do that because I have to feed Finn. I want to not be a parent for only 24 hours so I can rest and get this crap out of my body. I want to stop dosing Tylenol every four hours and naproxem on top of that. I want my throat not to be so sore that I can't swallow normal food without pain and my head to just.stop.hurting.
I want to feel like something besides a pathetic whiner.
This is seriously the crapiest crap I've had in a long time and I don't want to go to Dr. G. because she'll give me antibiotics and I'll take them because I just want to feel better, and it seems like I've taken more antibiotics in the last year than I did the previous ten.
A cup of tea then back to bed to try to sleep again. Anxiety sucks.
posted by Sacha @ 11:45 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
i hope the anxiety has passed. and that your throat is less sore. and that you take on the anti-bs one more time if you have to.
(traditional medicinal brand makes a great tea called throat coat that i've used for years to soothe really sore throats, btw.)
I've been sucking down cup after cup after cup of Yogi Tea throat coat. It ironically hurts my throat.
A little better today and I did finally fall asleep.
I hope you feel better soon. My son is nearly 17 months old and the first year I was sick more than I'd been in my whole life. The frequency was bad and so was the nastiness of the bugs. It sucks when you just want to rest but you have an active, nursing toddler so you can't really take anything but tylenol and then have to keep your kid from pulling down the house. It sucks. You will get through this and it will get better. Have you tried tylenol pm? My doc said it was safe and maybe Finn can nurse through while you sleep. Good luck.
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