Unraveling our Tangled Sleep
Sleep remains THE issue in our house. When we get it, how much we get and who wins.
Finn wins.
I am Night Mom. I am the one he snuggles with and feeds off. I am the one he will not let go. I am the one who must carefully and quietly sneak away from him. I have lost the luxury of being able to just get out of bed - I have to lie there and strategize how to extract myself from his little arms and legs without waking the tiny beast.
Sometimes I don't care. I just want to get up and go to the bathroom without it being complicated, so I just do it. Parenting overnight leaves no time for yourself.
M. and I have our time at night, a few precious hours between his bedtime and ours where we get to watch TV or talk to each other, recapturing a sliver of our previous lives. Then every once in a while he steals that too, waking shortly after we put him down, refusing to let either one of us go. It's really frustrating and it makes you feel crazy.
Frustration breeds a black and white point of view. JUST SLEEP...please...please. It becomes easy to forget that he has a place in our parenting experiment too and we start to lose his voice as we struggle to find balance in ourselves. Two weeks ago M. and I were feeling that the only option we had left was to let our son cry.
Then we took a collective deep breath.
Finn clings to us on the nights when I go back to work. It makes sense. I'm home with him for a few days then I'm gone before he wakes and return when he's asleep. I'm basically gone for two days. His actions aren't irrational and he's still just a baby.
I ended up going to bed at 9 pm and missed Top Model. We'll survive. He'll probably sleep better tonight. And M. and I will keep perspective as we work to untangle this puzzle in a way that works for all of us.
posted by Sacha @ 4:58 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
Wow, that totally sounds like our house. When it comes to bedtime E is all Charlie wants, and all night long he wants to be on top of her. So if she wants to get back up after putting him down it's a dangerous operation of attempting to extract herself from under him,and it's only 50/50 most of the time. We are trying to come to some sort of consenus as the nxt one will be here in 6 short months, and I really want Charlie to be able to sleep in his own bed, it buts right up to ours, but he is way to much of a tosser and turner to feel comforatable having him and a baby in bed. I wish you both the best of luck.
I know you like to co-sleep but maybe you could still do the PU/PD method (pick up/put down). It works really well and does teach them to get to sleep on their own. It isn't meant as a punishment and doesn't hurt them but teaches them how to sooth themselves to sleep. I know you love your boy but he'd be fine if you taught him this skill and you would get the much needed alone time. Trust me, it is amazing and I'm so glad we did it with Riley. Not only are we able to get her to bed more easily, she gains confidence from being able to get herself to sleep. And there are no tears with bedtime or struggles.
the very pretty Eastern European lady they said had boring eyes was kicked off.
Every so often I get to that place, too. It's usually right around the time I decide Punk "needs to sleep in her crib all night" or I "shouldn't go sleep in the futon with her." And then I don't get any sleep and I am grumpy and I start thinking that maybe she should just cry. And then instead I go and get my baby and put her in the futon and lay next to her with my face pressed against her little face, and even though my shoulder and hip are killing me in the morning, I can't imagine what I am complaining about.
She is a baby and she wants me to snuggle her, and soon she will be a KID and she will say things like, "No, mama, privacy," and I will miss those days with my face up against her face in the morning and the way she let me know, without words, that I was her numero uno.
I totally forgot to mention that we have Tivo! M. called me at work and said DON'T LOOK AT THE BLOG. We finally watched Top Model last night but it was another rough night. Finn rewarded us by sleeping through once we got into bed 10 pm to 6 pm. Not too bad.
sacha, can i just ask you... does finn nurse at night? every time he wakes? does he wake to nurse more when you've been away all day? i'm struggling with exactly this issue with my 9-month-old, so i'd be interested to know your experience.
Post a Comment
<< Home