Parenting Together

M. and I have tumbled into parenthood mostly easily. It's like we have this amazing, awesome project to work on together and we love working on stuff together. There remains one topic where we have a little bit bitterness and anger between us.

Breast milk.

I think the hardest part of being the The Other Mother for M. has been not being able to have the ability and connection of breastfeeding. I'm intensely proud of her because she has set aside her own issues and been 100% devoted to getting Finn the absolute best we can give him and everyone knows that Breast is Best.

I'm the problem. I admit it. I love to breastfeed but I hate being The Boob. It was the absolutely most challenging thing about bringing home a newborn. It made me feel crazy and there were many times when I simply did NOT want to feed him. I hate obligation. I hate being tied down. I love my boy but sometimes I just wanted to be left alone.

I've slowly started to accept that I will never be left alone again. Not for a very very long time.

The conflict has been over pumping. If I could spend my days blissfully feeding my son, I would. I can't. I have to work, and it's not even normal work where I can quickly slip into the empty office down the hall. It's hard, emotionally and physically draining work where I often barely have time to eat, or drink, or even think. And somehow I was supposed to pump.

I tried. We had Finn on breast milk exclusively for six months. Then we supplemented. Then I went down to twice a day pumping...then once a day...then NONE.

M. was mad at me. M. is still mad at me. We've talked about it. She knows why I've made my decisions. I know she doesn't agree with them. She's not pissed but she's still disappointed, because she wants what is best for Finn and she can't give him what I am refusing to give.

I get this. I just can't do what she wants.

We all want the best. Then we do second best. Then third. And we parent together, not against each other. And Finn gets as much boob as he wants on my days off, and I love being able to do that, and will do it as long as he's still interested. And M. loves her boy and wants what's best, and is the best Other Mother around.

Even if we don't always agree.