I want a FUN kid
As much as I hate labels, we have a very sensitive kid. He's been sensitive from pretty much the beginning. We've worked hard to parent our sensitive kid, to respect his experience in this world, to make it a safe place for him to be. Sometimes his sensitivity makes him a really fabulous, sweet and intuitive kid. Actually most of the time. Then sometimes M. and I feel like this kid is not the one we signed up to parent.
I JUST WANT A FUN KID!!!!!
I wanted that kid who runs around and has a million friends and plays and can go anywhere and just have fun. I didn't get him.
Today we decided to try out a local indoor play area at a community center. We walk in and there's a bouncy house. Kids are supposed to love bouncy houses, right? Aren't they the ubiquitous fixture at kids birthday parties, isn't that how people lure you to picnics and other activities? Hot dogs. Soda. A BOUNCY HOUSE. They're the modern-day kids entertainment, exercise and bright colors all rolled into one.
Call it Bouncy House Fail.
We walk in. Finn signs "all done" and starts telling us that he needs to go outside as he heads to the door. No indoor play area. No bouncy house. No FUN.
It's hard to have your expectations destroyed over and over, and sometimes I feel like that's what parenting is. It's this constant falling into the abyss that exists between your expectations and reality. And when you've left the one millionth social situation because your kid can't handle noise, or crowded rooms, and gets easily overwhelmed, you start to feel frustrated. You start to want to scream those words that you feel no parent should ever utter...
WHAT THE EFF IS WRONG WITH MY KID???????
So we encouraged him to play with something that wasn't noisy, and when it was apparent that he could not be distracted we left and went to Target. Because Finn loves Target and mama & mommy needed a little shopping therapy that wouldn't destroy our budget.
We're also going to have Finn's hearing checked, because there actually could be something going on, and we'll keep working on coping mechanisms for noisy environments. We'll keep working with our sensitive lovely boy to be as okay as he possibly can be.
posted by Sacha @ 1:27 PM
13 comments
13 Comments:
You might want to try a sensory evaluation from an OT - typically a children's rehab clinic at a hospital will have one. He could have some sort of sensory integration issue and they could have suggestions.
xoxoxo
My son is also sensitive. He will stay in the noisy room as long as 1-no one forces him to go in the bouncy castle, 2)no freaky social kid gets within 5 feet of him.
Later when it is time to go, he has just warmed up, not warmed up enough that he is prepared to jump, oh no, just warmed up enough that he is now really enjoying watching everyone and cries because he has to leave.
I was not shy as a kid (or as an adult for that matter) and I never expected this kid either. And the problem is that it can be embarrassing right, because those freaky social kids, you know the ones who will scream because they are having fun, and bounce on a bouncy castle or climb through the balls in the ball pit, they just sort of stare while your kid pulls away in horror when their kid approaches you. I try to remember that just because I enjoy these things doesn't meant that he has too but some days it's just easier to stay home.
Jude - we actually had an early intervention eval done and they said because he's only sensitive to noise that the OT wouldn't see him. He didn't qualify for early intervention so we're starting with the hearing test and going from there.
I'm hesitant to start down the labeling road so we've decided to hang in there until 3 and then if he's still having the same level of trouble with noise we'll pursue more evaluation. A lot can change during that time and although he's at one end, he's still in the range of normal, but just not The Norm.
Kirsta - thanks for the laugh!
That's tough. I feel for you because I have the freaky social children who invade other children's spaces and I throw them in lots of experiences and I can't imagine not being able to do that because I am so social myself. I don't know if it's because the donor, my wife and myself are so extroverted...or it just randomly happened. But even our kids will back down sometimes when there is an even more social child. It's like dogs with only one being the alpha.
I don't know what to say in terms of noise. I've only seen one baby freak out from too much noise at a play center and the person running it said that the more the baby's exposed to noise, the less likely it is to bother her.
I hope that you get answers or he grows out of it. I really feel for you. He's an adorable, brilliant child and maybe he just takes a bit more time to warm up to these things than other kids. Good luck!!
I taught a couple of children who were very sensitive to noise. One thing we found to be useful was to make noise in familiar environments. Putting the stereo up a little louder each time over a few days, banging instruments, playing shouting games. Because the environment was not scary for them or the people it seemed to make the noise easier to deal with. sure you've probably tried this but just a thought.
I actually have a 'sociable' child who is also frightened stiff of bouncy castles, wind (she thinks anything including herself could be blown away!) aeroplane noise etc We just try to constantly reassure but do make her 'face her fears' as she is getting older now (nearly 5) and has to deal with situations when we are not around like school but it is difficult as the fear is so real to them but seems so trivial to us at times and it's a bit of a balancing game! She did however finally leap on a bouncy castle this past summer having only ever watched from afar before and loved it!! Sometimes we just have to trust their instincts too and just accept they will do things in their own time!!
Nic x
Hugs to you. All kids get overwhelmed from time to time by different things, right? I don't blame Finn, actually, those bounce houses really freak me out!
southwesterngemini aka barbara
Oh wow, I had no idea you'd had EI out to your house. I hope you find things that work for all of you and life continues to be jolly over in the babycakes house.
p.s. I have the obnoxiously social child who is all up in your face. She loves the bouncy house but still doesn't know how to jump... whoops.
FWIW, he may "grow out of it". My son was overly sensitive to noise until about age 4. He's 5.5 now and will at times cover his ears, but he copes well with being in crowds now and noisy places don't bother him.
As for not getting the child you envisioned - man, I know that feeling! My son is so strong willed and questions authority at every step. Sometimes I wonder why I have been given him (on a spiritual level), but then I realize it's a learning opportunity for me. Hang in there!
He's still very young. In 2 years you won't be able to get him out of the bouncy house.
We used Seattle Hearing and Balance for our girl's eval (twice). I think they know what they're doing, but it's hard to get a good test on anyone under 3 or better 4.
[Hi, we know you (a bit) from the meetup group and MaybeBaby.]
Our daughter Kyan, now five, definitely fits into the Highly Sensitive Child category. We read a book of the same title, and it was hard to admit/accept all of the social challenges she'll face, but it also gave us some good coping techniques.
It's really hard to watch her not enjoy things that should be super fun, and to observe how much she holds back, even around people she likes and admires.
But... we're starting to see bright spots coming through. She doesn't like to speak much in groups, but doesn't mind singing and dancing. (Glee, anyone?) She also doesn't like to show much affection to family members (aside from us), yet she makes them very thoughtful crafts. It just has to be on her terms, as she will. not. be. coaxed. into. social. butterflyness.
Hang in there, and good luck with the hearing tests. Maybe they'll give you an answer, or another avenue to explore.
I was never a "fun kid" and would rather spend time alone playing quietly or reading. I wouldn't say I was a loner, but to me all the other kids were goofy and immature. That's probably just his personality.
hey im steph i have had a serious case of baby fever well for what seems like forever and my partner and i have been seriously discussing out possibilities of starting a family so i was just surfing the internet to try and educate myself a bit more on our options and i came across your page. and was reading about your little boy and he reminds me of myself as a child after i was tested they diagnosed me with ADD i was shy didt speak unless spoken to hated social situations and loud noises for my older brothers birthday parties my mom actually had to find a sitter for me because i couldt stand being around all the noisy kids i would just cry. my mom started putting cotton balls in my ears for noisy situations i would even bring them to school the caffateria was particularly high stress for me. but as i got older i learned to develop a higher sense of self worth and became more confident i was always more on the quiet side and now as an adult im just laid back and pretty mellow i have grown out of it for the most part so dont worry im sure with all the love and understanding and support he will lead a happy life but for now you may want to take baby steps toward pushing him out of his comfort zone let him see that it will be ok and he may even start to enjoy it i wish my mom had done that with me possibly that stage would have not taken me so long to grow out of. i hope i have helped. you are an insperation.
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