Slow Parenting
M. and I are officially on the Slow Parenting track.
We spend our days at home. We don't do any classes. We don't have structured learning opportunities. Basically we feel that Finn will start reciting his ABCs, counting, writing numbers, socializing etc...when he is ready, not when we are. He'll have enough time in his life to be learning in a structured environment and not enough time to just be.
So we be.
We have breakfast. We read books. We draw. We go for walks. We make messes, we clean them up. He explores his world and I am amazed at how much he knows without any kind of structured teaching. Because kids are brought into this world to learn and nothing we do will stop them. No classes. No play groups. No preschool in the fall. Just Finn and mommy and mama and the world around him.
Sometimes it's hard being on the slow parenting track. It feels like everyone is busy telling you about their kid's accomplishments. We don't have many measurable accomplishments to brag about at play groups. No counting, no ABC's. All of that stuff will come with time and I just don't have the heart to drill Finn until he recites them so I can show him off.
Brag brag brag. It's insufferable.
Every once in a while I want to tell people that Finner was too quiet, then I went into the kitchen, found him whipping up a souffle and we'll be sending him to the CIA in the fall. Their youngest student EVER. But I don't.
After all, when I set my ego aside and think about it, really, really think about it, this is what I conclude.
1. I am my kids mother and I think he's the most brilliant human being on earth. He doesn't say his ABCs or count or speak another language. He still knows EVERYTHING.
2. What is most important to me? That my kid is smart? Not really. That my kid is empathetic and caring, that he sees the world beyond himself, that he grows up to give back. And that I as his parent always help him to be his best, to work to his highest potential.
Yeah. Totally.
posted by Sacha @ 8:40 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
I think a lot of it, too, has to do with what your kid is into, and you don't have a lot of control over that.
Like your kid? He likes to cook and do things in the kitchen. My kid's idea of cooking is to pull down a bunch of bowls from the shelf, pull a bunch of stuff out of the recycle bin, and then laugh like a maniac and run away. But she IS into the ABCs. I didn't buy her alphabet toys because I wanted her to be a nerdy overachiever... I bought them because she was obsessed with letters. It's just her thing.
I imagine things are a little more "structured" at child care (because they have to these days) but we do the "slow parenting" thing at home... but it hasn't changed a thing. Our kids will be our kids with us or without us.
as the pp said, it depends on the kid. our daughter loves letters and songs so she learned the abcs from the song she wanted to hear yhe song repeatedly. we never drill but have fun singing and learning. she amazes us everyday.
classes and playgroups can be so much fun. you come across as judging people who don't like to just sit at home but like to be social and expose their kids to man things. there is not one right way to parent. those of us who like to be very active out of the house are not trying to show you up but just enjoy being out there and doing things--seeing our kids in different situations which they enjoy.
I think you are right that you know your child best. I also think children will learn when they are ready and it is better not to push learning on them, i know this from experience of teaching 4 and 5 year olds.
BUT!! (there's always one isn't there!!) my only question is about socialising. It's great you spend all the time together but does Finn get chances to socialise with other children and adults? This is so important in their development and i'm sure something you have considered. Just wondered what your thoughts are? Not all playgroups/toddler groups are the same and i'm sure you would have a good time meeting other families if you could find one you feel comfortable going to.
Nic
Huh? He'll learn his ABCs when he's ready? Where, if nobody teaches him? It's not exactly something you absorb from the ether.
Yes, I teach my kids their numbers and ABCs. They're fun songs, it's a basic life skill, and the kids enjoy the sense of accomplishment.
And no, it's not so I can be "insufferable." I'd stay it's pretty insufferable, actually, to insinuate that parents who care about their kids' mental development somehow don't care as much about "empath[y]" and "giv[ing] back" as you and your saintly offspring.
First off, I apologize for writing such a pissy post. I was in some kind of mood that day, one I haven't been in for a long time. I'm really tired of the parenting rat race around me and all the Braggy Braggertons.
There is an increasing base of study that suggests that a structured environment is not a good thing for young children. This is where the idea of making things play-based comes from. Teaching children the ABCs and 123s is not a play-based approach.
As an example, Finn absorbs books like I've never seen. He can sit through an hour straight of reading. Based on this I think many, many people would start teaching their kid to read early. I will not do that with our son. Yes, he's interested in reading, but I don't want to turn reading into chore for him and I don't want to turn our relationship into a teaching relationship. He'll pick up reading when he's ready. So we keep things about playing and having fun, and he'll learn no matter what we do.
I've been looking at something called Unschooling, which is doing NOTHING structured for your child and letting them learn from existing in this world. Taken to the extreme you don't put your child in school and you don't homeschool. I don't know if I could go that far, but I like the idea, and I feel that what I've seen in Finn reinforces the ideas that kids don't NEED structured teaching.
As for socializing, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Every time I tell people that we don't go many places, don't do any classes, I'm usually questioned about socialization. I don't think that socialization is critical at 2 years old. As Finn is able to actually have friends and do cooperative play, he'll need more kids around him, but he doesn't right now. We have some people with kids we see regularly, about once a month, and he has a great time. We're talking about preschool when he's 3 1/2 and I feel pretty good about waiting until then. I feel like he'll be more ready and that we too will be more ready for him to be separated from us.
So, sorry about my pissy post. It is my blog after all and I appreciate people calling me on my shit in a respectful manner. I have some pretty non-mainstream ideas about parenting, just have to work on being less judgmental.
Now time to put my saintly offspring to bed. He really is a very very lovely and most fabulous boy.
How many of those people have a kid that's as happy as yours? Thank goodness you gals have realized that parenting is not a competition. Your priorities are totally right on track.
It's totally your right to do whatever you want with your child but i would question your point about whether Finn is capable of having friends and as such if he needs them yet. My daughter has had 'friends' since birth. At first they didn't pay much attention to each other but about 10/11 months onwards they did. They have 'learnt' so much from each other about sharing and emotions just by spending time with each other. Her little circle of friends are all 4 now and still love to spend time together. It is also good to have their mums to bounce ideas off and share with too. I just think you need to be careful not mix up classes and pre-school socialization with just hanging out with friends. We just take turns to spend the afternoons at each others houses once a week. No structure, no institutional setting just having fun with friends.
Whether or not Finn ends up homeschooled, pre-schooled or 'noschooled' at some point he will have to mix with other kids/adults on a more regular basis and i just worry that if he isn't used to it then he may find it much harder. One of those hard to judge situations because you can't see into the future but maybe omething you could consider.
I think it is our job as parents to expose our kids to the world, which includes letters and numbers as well as other people and how to interact with them. To me, exposing doesn't mean shoving things down their throats.
As a parent, I have observed my child ignore something (a toy, a way of interacting, etc.) until he is ready for it. This is, and will be, my approach with most things.
We don't have the luxury of being able to keep G at home, he goes to daycare and he appears to actually love it (go figure, I loved structured environments when I was a kid, too).
southwesterngemini
Post a Comment
<< Home