Four Weeks, Two Days

First, thank you and hugs and well-wishes to everyone who is reading, and commenting. M. and I are overwhelmed. Both with the news that we are pregnant and by the response here.

A few thoughts on being pregnant.

It took an entire crowd to make this baby. Two docs, one donor, our friend Jess who stated that morning "my cousin got pregnant so now you can too!" then called us in the middle of the IUI, Roy who blessed the sperm on the way to the IUI, Kim, my acupuncturist who worked so hard to help me see that the rest of the world's journey is not MY journey, countless readers of this blog, as well as all our heart and soul.

Ironies? You know we can't have life without irony. We have our date and room for our 6+ months queer TTC group AND we convinced our neighbors who have been TTC longer than us to come to our kick off meeting. We working on accepting that they may hate us from now on. And we won't be able to lead the group.

What's next? We have beta #2 on Monday. I made an input appointment with Dr. G. for August 11th.

How's the physical stuff? I feel mildly crappy. Head hurts. Stomach uncomfortable. Gassy. M. thinks I'm in for a rough ride because I tend to be quite sensitive to my every day hormones.

What made us pregnant? Isn't this what everyone is grasping for, that magical combination of events that lead to sperm uniting with egg and egg deciding to stick around? M. and I are a little confounded on this issue. We could say the IUI, but our timing was crap. We could say the unusually large donation volume from DtD for our first home insem, but we amazingly enough only got about half in because of various mishaps. The one thing I can point to that I think may have been part of it...I had what appeared to be an unusually strong ovulation for me. Who knows???

Part of me is happy that we can't point to one thing. I haven't lost my conviction that TTC is the world's biggest mind fuck and crap shoot.

I'm worried. Surprisingly enough, not about getting that little frog sitting in my uterus out. After all, lots of women get it out so it goes to figure that I will too. Not about the bajillion decisions we have to make now. Not about the baby sticking.

I'm worried about losing touch with TTC, that now that we're pregnant all the pain will wash away and we'll be left in some sort of glowing stupor, unable or unwilling to reach out to those around us who are still struggling. I'm worried that at some point I will casually tell someone else who is struggling with TTC that it should happen because it happened to us, not respecting their journey or their pain. I always thought that I would wear these seven months as a battle scar, a constant reminder that there is too much pain in the world, too much heartbreak. I don't want to lose sight of that.

Last thoughts.

• Although we have the gold standard of a beta test, M. has been making me pee on sticks. He he.
• It's nice to not want to kill pregnant women any more.
• We can go into baby stores without having an emotional meltdown now!