The tiniest of tiny baby steps toward some zzzzzzz...

It's all about details.

Finn will fall asleep for his naps without very little fuss now. If he flips over when I put him down into his crib, he goes back to sleep instead of pushing up immediately and crying. He has slept three hours in a row for for days straight. He can zone out when he's tired instead of screaming bloody murder.

The three of us slowly dance forward together toward that elusive full night of sleep.

No, he's not sleeping through the night and he's waking between 2 and 4 times to eat. Most people wouldn't put up with what for us is success. I can't focus on the big picture without feeling crazy so I continue to stare at the minutia.

I find on sleep that M. and I regularly come to our breaking point then realize that we haven't been broken and we keep going. Kind of like TTC. Kind of like pregnancy. Kind of like labor. We are so deeply committed to the process that we are willing to accept what would be a substandard outcome for most.

Or maybe we like brick walls and hitting our heads on them.

This makes me think of that wise old sage, Dr. Grandpa. He was right. We are about the details. If we weren't, we'd probably have been pregnant sooner. We may have dumped DtD for someone who could give us better results. We may have put me on clomid way before we even considered it.

And we wouldn't have Finn. You know, I really, really, really like HIM, that particular union of egg and sperm that happened at that particular time. OUR baby. He makes those tiny steps bearable.

Sleep sometimes feels like drawn out labor. One contraction at a time; one night at a time, and both with complete and utter faith that everything will come out okay in the end.