The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round
Finn and I are bus warriors. I have it down to a science. Slim, easy to use stroller (OR our new carrier which should be here this week). Small diaper bag. Small reusable shopping bag that rolls up. Bus pass. Boy.
Ready, set, GO public transit.
Okay, it takes us a couple hours to get anything done, but we are actively saving the environment, one stinky TB infested Metro ride at a time. I mean we need a theme song and a children's cartoon to document our adventures.
Then one day you find yourself sitting at the bus stop with a group of drunk homeless men and you know them because you've been riding the bus with them. Yes, that was me and Finn a couple days ago as we waited to transfer. They didn't scare me because I deal with a lot of pretty nasty gross people in my work and have developed a pretty good sense of danger. They were very nice drunk homeless men, and I have now been affirmed by them that I am a good mother. That's almost as good as the drunk woman on the bus who told me I was lucky to have a boy because girls are nothing but trouble.
Bus wisdom. Drunk bus wisdom.
I went home and told M. about our new friends. She looked straight at me and said quite seriously.
You need to stop riding the bus.
posted by Sacha @ 8:56 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
chuckling..... high compliments indeed from the public :)
i tend to think of buds riding thnis way if you use public transport. you learn see and find the most interesting things along your way...things you otherwise miss if you drove everywhere
hugs to you all :0)
tonya cinnamon
Ugh...I'm with M...why would you want to expose your child to that life if you didn't have to?? Seriously...ugh. You treat the worlds scurge because you have to at work...why be around it willingly??
-Michelle
I am hurt by Michelle's comment. Each homeless person has his/her own story and we don't know how they ended up there. Just because they are homeless and may have a substance abuse problem, doesn't mean they are bad people. They can appreciate a mom and her baby just like anyone else. I think "the world's scurge" is such a nasty thing to say.
JM
JM,
She stated herself that "They didn't scare me because I deal with a lot of pretty nasty gross people in my work and have developed a pretty good sense of danger."
scurge/nasty gross people...not that far a jump.
But either way...you're right its not nice...but I wasn't trying to be nice...I was simply concerned that Finn was being exposed to people with questionable backgrounds and health situations...
As a mom I worry about who my kids are around...and I'm sorry...nice or not...I wouldn't let my children break bread, or play rock paper scissor or have physical contact with a homeless person. Thats just the way I am. I understand that there are circumstances that place perfectly wonderful people in a bad place...but there are also people with disease and other infectious conditions that are more rampant in the more poverty stricken areas of our world. Yes clean, rich people have diseases...but...they usually smell better.
Sorry...but when kids health is on the line...theres no room for nice.
-Michelle
Question - What type of carrier did you get? I'm looking for something for my toddler.
We got a Babies Beyond Borders Toddler Deluxe. I'm pretty excited about it.
Okay, let me clarify things.
First, I choose to work at the hospital I work at and with the population I work with. My hospital has the lowest pay for nurses in the area and I could make more money if I went to work with insured, paying customers. The population I work with is challenging both medically and psychosocially. I really do love my job.
I do work with some really nasty, gross people. People who have been doing drugs for so long that they have lost any sense of decency. People who manipulate with every word and action, their only goal to score as many narcotics as they can possibly get. I have had patients who have threatened to kick me in the head while I was doing a blood draw or to throw a tray table at me. I've worked with people who have drank away their brain cells and spend the time inbetween admissions to the hospital rotting away in their clothes because they can't take care of themselves.
The people I was talking to at the bus stop were not these people. Yes, someday I may be standing over their bed making wise cracks as I push more and more ativan to keep them from going further into withdrawal, but they were not threatening in any way whatsoever.
I have learned in my job that people are people. There are nasty, gross well-off people and some very nice and appreciative homeless people. The first thing the nicest patient I ever worked with said to me was "I'm a crack head". Serious sweetheart who was a homeless drug abuser.
I feel that my job has made me uncompassionate in so many ways (not too much bleeding heart left here) but it has also given me a strong understanding of the people who move in the undercurrents of our society. I hope that Finn will learn from my interactions with people to be polite and kind toward everyone, no matter what walk of life they come from.
And I am willing to be around the "scurge" because I am aware that there is not much seperating me from them. I am grateful that I have been given the support and opportunities that they haven't.
I got that from you...that they weren't threatening...you obviously wouldn't hang around and put yourself or your son through that. However my point/concern was...why be around them if you don't have to.
I have done volunteer work in soup kitchens, and offered food or money to people that don't have enough. And I don't run screaming or teach my kids to point and stare. I teach my children that they should be compasionate and help people out, donate old toys or clothes, given new gifts, donate to charity. I've explained that we are very blessed to have what we have and that when others don't we try to share with them because you never know when you might need help too. I'm not socially unaware or out right mean...
That being said...I do NOT bring my children over to shake hands with people I don't know that are rubby and dirty. I don't give the old man on the street a hug to cheer him up. I have been approached one time too many by people that if you give htem an inch...they take 10 miles. If you make eye contact they see it as sign to come over for a visit. That turns into begging. I'm sorry but I do NOT want someone who lives on the streets, potentially does drugs, has open sores or diseases, or just plain smells/looks bad around my kids. And I certainly wouldn't want my kids hanging around drunk people...I don't let them hang around drunk people I KNOW that are distant relatives. I booked it out of the last wedding we were at when Aunt so and so got drunk and took a swing and people. So...I have the same standards and expetations for anyone I allow around my kids. But its easier to tell family off and walk away...than it is to put myself in a situation with a stranger that I don't know how they react. It may be judgemental...but its smart judgemental.
Sacha...you have a job...you see these people...my mom was a nurse too...she's been there as well. So you know how dangerous the world is...I wasn't judging your job, but yes I was judging that you'd think it was fun to hang out and expose your kid to this situation. You never know how drunk people are going to act...and they idea of a mom and her baby sitting around with 5 unknown men...drunk...is scary to me. The world isn't always nice...and friendly banter can quickly turn into something very nasty and scary. And for the record...it would make me just as nervous if you'd been hanging out with 5 drunk rich frat boys.
-Michelle
We take the bus sometimes too. The slim and light stroller is essential for us but I have more gear because of bags for work and Riley's daycare. Sometimes it's hard getting ourselves on the bus when it's not one of the wheelchair friendly buses.
There are a lot of crazy people on the transit system. I find it worse on the subway. I've had some amusing rides from time to time. :P
As a response to the conversation taking place, I don't think you are "hanging around these people" but simply riding the bus. If there are drunk people on the bus or at the bus stop, you use your head. If they're tame then things are fine. If they weren't and you were uncomfortable, I'm sure you'd leave. The thing with taking public transit is that you are usually waiting at busy stops where you are in plain view of everyone else. I don't think of it as dangerous unless it was like 12 am and you were alone in the dark with hardly any traffic going by. I didn't see it as you wanting to have your boy mingle with drunks but just a matter of life when you take the transit--your kids will see various people, including those you wouldn't socialize with.
Sacha - I totally see where you are coming from. With your job as a nurse, I'm sure you've seen it all. Like you said, people are people. Some have not been given the support or opportunities that many of us have. Unfortunately, I'm sure a lot of people in your position don't see it that way.
"I hope that Finn will learn from my interactions with people to be polite and kind toward everyone, no matter what walk of life they come from." -- I couldn't agree more.
I think it's so important for us, as parents, to teach our kids about the real world and not shelter them from it's problems. I want my daughter to grow up to be a compassionate and open-minded individual who is aware of what is going on in the community/world.
I still think it is unkind to refer to homeless people as 'scurge'.
Anyway, I'm sure a lot of us could argue about our morals and values and the way we want to bring up our children - but I don't think we should do so by hijacking Sacha's blog. So I will leave it at that.
JM
I am a huge fan of public transportation, and have also experienced the no-so-fun aspects of it. Sasha, you know what's right for your lifestyle. I think you are providing Finn with a valuable lesson, even though he may be too young to know it yet.
"why would you want to expose your child to that life if you didn't have to?" what is exactly meant by "that life"???? life is filled with the clean and pristine as well as the other side of that, and those things are pretty hard to avoid living in any urban environment. we can't all wear rose-colored glasses, but I think it is every parent's responsibility not to wear them.
southwesterngemini from RC and IVP
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