Hopefully He'll Write Bad Poetry
We went through another bad round of teething last night with our sweet boy screaming and not being able to settle because he was in so much pain. M. and I ended up giving Tylenol on top of Motrin. Finn finally settled but proceeded to sob in his sleep for a couple hours. It breaks my heart.
Our boy is so sensitive and sometimes I wonder how he's going to survive a world that chews up The Sensitive and spits them out in a million pieces, over and over again. I know this because I am one of The Sensitive and have struggled to cope with this part of myself as well as allow it. There is little support for those who want to live with being sensitive instead of shoving all the pain down.
I asked M. last night how Finn will deal with pain in the future if teething is so difficult. What will happen when he skins his knee or when his first boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with him. How is he going to deal with the unending pain of living?
She answered "he'll be a drug user."
I worry she's right. I worry that our boy's eventual answer to all the pain of life will be to numb it with whatever drug of his choice. Heroine. Alcohol. It's impossible not to worry when I see The Sensitive day in and day out with abscesses and needle tracks and insatiable appetites for illegal substances.
Then M. said, "Hopefully he'll just write bad poetry."
I'm hoping for bad poetry.
posted by Sacha @ 5:13 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
I am one of The Sensitive, myself, and I turned out to the bad poetry sort. There's hope for Finn, especially with strong loving mommies, at least one of whom knows what he will be/is going through.
I can't speak for Finn, but I have scraped many knees and gotten many injuries in my childhood, and I don't really remember the pain of too many of them. But I /do/ have very strong memories of getting my five-year molars. So that might tell you something.
Perhaps he will resurrect the Beat Era. :)
I think that it gets a little better as you get words to express yourself and the cognitive ability to understand what's happening. I wouldn't assume that needing tylenol and motrin for molars indicates a future addict.
That said, I don't think heartbreak is ever cognitively comprehensible - except through bad poetry!
I recommend The Highly Sensitive Child http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm I wish I found it sooner. My almost 6 year old is a HSC and he's the sweetest. Very sensitive though and sometimes it's a challenge. The book is great though.
OMFG...seriously woman...your son has HUGE sharp pointies poking though his gums...and it bloody well hurts him. Its normal and it sucks and its hard to watch and even harder for him to go through...but now you have him turning into a IV Drug user?? OMG!!!!!!!!!! Seriously...in the future he will be old enough to understnad and manage his own pain. Just because he's sensitive to jaw splintering pain does not mean he's going to be a wimp about life(as someone said knee skins are easily forgotten but jaw pain is deep rooted...literally)and resort to drugs. Just because he is sensitive doesn't mean he'll be a looser for life, or even be sensitive for life. Quit reading into everything he does and just let him be a baby.
OK, I just have to say, if mean people don't like what you say, why do they read your blog? And say nasty things right after you described yourself as sensitive?? Anonymous (like OMFG!) you suck!
Also, I hate it when people use "woman" like that, almost with a sneer, like anon. used in his/her first sentence. Grrrrr.
Sasha, you are awesome for voicing all your true + honest thoughts. Rock on.
i understand where you're coming from about the drugs. i've seen the damage done to the sensitive, too. and as an extremely sensitive (and gratefully so) person, i want to say that your sweet little boy is just as likely to find a wholesome and fulfilling path for himself as he is to try to numb the pain. it may or may not be harder for sensitive boys than sensitive girls in your culture, but there is most definitely hope.
Hi, a lurker here, de-lurking to respond to this post. I'm going to be anonymous, but only because my comment is about both me and other people, who might want to remain anonymous. This might be a slightly long comment, but this struck a chord with me.
Other anonymous: Of course he's a baby in pain, of course they cry, of course it's normal. But I think S. knows her kid well enough to know he's sort of a sensitive little guy. And yes, there WILL be challenges for him because of that. She's only being a good mother by worrying about her baby.
Finn reminds me of my little brother-- sweet, loving, and yes, very sensitive. And watching my brother struggle to grow into a man, and to figure out what to do with that sensitivity as he did, was one of the most difficult things I have done. I don't want to freak you out, or to say that his experience has anything to do with what Finn's will be, but my brother did in fact become a drug user. He was a lovely child, easily wounded and painfully alive to the emotions of the people around him. But as he grew up, that emotional awareness became something of a burden for him. There were many, many factors involved in my brother's eventual illness, but this was certainly one.
I do think sensitive boys have an especially difficult time-- they are expected to put all of that aside in order to become adults. From the little slice of your life I see on your blog, it seems like you are giving your sensitive little boy the best possible love and support, the tools to be proud of that part of himself. To be aware of it, and encourage him, is only good parenting-- it's the stuff that will keep him on the bad poetry side of life. So: Good job. After all, the world needs all the sensitive boys it can get.
I'm the original anonymous. I have a very sensitive child too. She's sweet and wonderful and I feels deep emotions and feelings. HOWEVER I would NEVER think to presume that just because she is sensitive she is going to end up as a drgu user, or looser in life or anything negative because of it. I prefer to believe that it makes her a STRONGER more SUCCESSFUL person because she is in tune with her emotions at such a young age.
And as for S knowing her child better and it being wonderful that he's a sensitive little boy...I never said it wasn't wonderful...I simply said that she should let him become who he will before she puts judgements(especially such negative ones) on him. Haven't you ever heard the expression "affirm a thing and it is so"?? My brother in law was always called a looser and a "f-up" by his family and extended family...because he made a few mistakes as a young man. And now...guess what...their lack of faith and assumptions on his future...have fullfilled that prophecy. I would never totoally write him off...but I do believe there is a low percentage of him becoming even moderately successful in life(and by successful I mean full time job, enough money for bills, stopping the pot he smokes, etc.)
Again I think its wonderful that children are sensitive...but that doesn't mean they will not be strong enough to make it in life. It sounds like S has some self esteem issues and so assume her child will have those same issues or worse...thats not fair for her to put that burden or "curse" on her child. In life we just do our best to raise our children. If we notice their personality traits, we nurture them and are respectful of them. We don't assume they are going to be too weak to deal with life. Thats so disrespectful of Finn.
Ok Original Anonymous- I just have to respond because you're way off base. Sacha and I were simply worrying about our child because he seems to be SO much more sensitive than other kids. That's our perception of him based partly on his extreme response to teething pain (much more than most babies) and because of it we worry about him. I said, "he'll do drugs" not as a statement but out of fear because I've known very sensitive people (mostly men) who just seemed too sensitive to face this world without them.
It's ridiculous to think that either of us wants Finn to use drugs or expects/presumes that he WILL. But, when is worrying not a mother's perogitive?
And, I don't think people who use drugs because the world is hard and they can't handle it are LOSERS. That is your word. I think they just don't have the coping techniques they need. And that's what I hope we can help provide Finn with so that he will not turn to drugs but only tortured poetry.
And for the record, I love that my son is a sweet, sensitive boy. He's already so loving and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I just worry if the rest of the world will be so receptive.
What my smart and wonderful wife said!
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