Give me Down to There Hair
I'm kind of picky about Finn's hair. Okay, I'm kind of picky about everything. M. and I want to grow his hair out so it's that kind of long surfer dude look. The thing is that we're getting a lot of flack from the grandparents.
The other day Finn was mistaken for a girl by a stranger and my mother had a reaction that indicated that she was disturbed by her grandson being identified as a girl instead of a boy.
I don't get it.
This goes along with the multitudes of toys with some sort of TRUCK on them. Finn can like animals and flowers and still be a boy, yet it appears that anything that's even gender neutral is threatening. If a boy doesn't like trucks, the way our society is, he'll have little option but to play with the million and a half truck themed toys he'll be provided with during his lifetime.
You start to see how brave people are who challenge their gender on a daily basis.
So what if some stranger thinks our son is a girl. First of all, he's not a girl. Secondly, who give a damn? Shouldn't we be teaching him to be secure in himself from the inside, to not build up his masculinity with outside trappings but to be a strong male from the inner core? I would like my son to be who he is, not who I, or anyone else in his family, define him as.
So, the hair. Yeah, it's longish. For M. and myself the biggest issue is Finn's proclivity for smearing his breakfast in his hair. And it's getting a bit raggedy. Otherwise, we don't really care. We're going to get it cut, but Finn will never have that traditional sheared military look that seems so popular with other boys I see. He is, after all, raised by girls.
posted by Sacha @ 8:53 AM
9 comments
9 Comments:
I know what you mean. We bought Erik a pink stroller and a Cabbage Patch Kid for Christmas and the grandfathers made comments. The thing is, he likes it. He loves trucks and tools too, but he plays with the doll and stroller pretty regularly and even takes the doll with him when we go out sometimes.
We are having a horrible time finding bedding for Erik's new room. Apparently every boy has to be into the colour blue and sports because that's all we can find in stores. We've found one - ONE - set that we like from Pottery Barn. It's ridiculous.
Also, I was mistaken for a boy all the time when I was little because my mom kept my hair really short.
Well...we have provided (and still do provide) less-boyish toys for Z to play with, but he is most definitely drawn to....you guessed it, trucks! Of all things. And we're fine with it. We were also letting his hair grow out, and we also caught some crap from family. They, of course, said it was not their decision, but they agreed it was getting a little shaggy and he was looking like a girl. Again, okay with us. But I wondered how he would look with shorter hair. We already know he looks cute with long hair, girly or not. And we liked it just fine. But what if he looks better with short hair? We didn't know...so we cut it. And now we know, we like him better with longer hair. The short hair looks cute, but we prefer his look when it is longer. One day he will decide for himself.
So we're growing it out again. The thing that I think we did accomplish by cutting it, other than getting an answer, is that it will grow out evenly and not look so ragged and loose. He'll get that longer style, but it will look cared for rather than ignored. We're excited to see how it goes.
I like Finn's hair. And I think he looks very much like boy. But, you're right...who cares if he doesn't. And it doesn't matter what that stranger thinks. Actually, it doesn't even matter what I think. lol
So long as you guys are happy, and Finn is happy (when he has a say), and you guys aren't forcing him to act or be a certain way...you keep doing what you do. :)
What matter is the love and guidance you give him, and the support to embrace himself for who he is...not what someone else wants him to be.
Our first child was kind of a baldy and people would call her a boy occasionally when she wasn't wearing a hat. When she had a hat on they looked at her face and called her a her. But, her face didn't change with or without hair. I think so people just don't pay attention. Who cares if Finn has longish hair. It doesn't change who he is.
And I bought my son a kitchen set for Christmas. We have 2 older girls as well, but I knew at his age(just over 2) he would love the open and closing and the parts. And sure enough he uses it the most. And sometimes he wears his sisters necklaces and tiara's while he's serving me coffee from his coffee pot. Of course he also wears the tiara while playing with his racecars too...and I'm just fine with that. Kids this age love to explore their world. I would never keep my son from playing with trucks, just like I wouldn't NOT let him have a kitchen set. Just like our girls love the racetrack as well, and talk about being race car drivers when they grow up...
As long as kids are being exposed to all different types of learning/playing they will gravitate towards what they like best. Kids KNOW. don't force him to be something just to buck a mainstream, but don't be force to conform either, and he'll be just fine. And I bet he looks adorable with long hair!!
So you've seen recent pictures of Sully's hair haven't you? We/he is constantly getting called a girl, by adults and kids. It doesn't bother him, he likes his hair long and balks when I ask to cut it. IN fact he's introduced himself by saying.."Hi, do you want to play with me, I am a boy, my name is Sully, S.u.l.l.y.!" He can take care of himself in this Mormon missionary land!
I too like Finn's hair! I'd say You are doing a great job with him!
Griff doesn't have enough hair for it to be an issue yet. But we were shopping with grammy and I pointed out a clothing item that wasn't exactly masculine and she said "no, that's for girls and you are already too pretty." I didn't know there was such a thing as too pretty.
I just wonder what is so threatening about being mistaken for a girl?
barbara aka southwesterngemini
Charlie's hair is very long, plenty of people mistake him for a girl. Sometimes he corrects them, sometimes not. My father freaks about it regularly, but he'll deal with it.
He also is obsessed with dinosaurs and trucks... I don't know how it works, but I am convinced that the brainstem actually is attached to the testicles in some way.
I really dig the surfer dude look. :)
Riley is often mistaken for a girl even dressed in all pink and having earings. People are weirdos. She is SOOOO a girl in everything she does and we have tried with toys such as tools and trucks and she would rather take care of her babies and make them food in her play kitchen. Hey as long as she can do all that and be the pants in the house then we know we did a GOOD JOB!!!
Good job girls. I think we will be doing the same thing with JC.
Hey no post recently??? I miss your posts.
Can you hop by our blog and offer input on slings/wraps? I know you're an expert of sorts.
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