tantruming
Seems I've had a bit of an impromptu blog break. Anyhoo, I'm back after much nagging from M. consisting of "how can you have a blog if you never blog on it."
Yeah yeah yeah.
Finn has managed to nurse my breast raw. This is the second time he's managed to do this and it's hard to get healed up because the kid has a monster suck and his main method of helping his teeth feel better is ME.
It's frustrating for both him and me.
We still nurse on demand but sometimes I have to say "no". Like when he nurses for an hour straight. It breaks my heart but I know that Finn wouldn't want mommy to hurt if he could understand the situation.
So I said no milk.
And he had a tantrum. He curled on the floor and cried because mommy wouldn't give him milk.
Tantrums are strange things. There's this image of the kid on the floor kicking and screaming as the harried parent looks on in horror. Then there's the urge to somehow stop this huge display of out of control emotions pouring out of your tiny toddler.
Yet tantrums are normal. Toddlers have no regulations, they're hot and cold, on and off, happy or sad, but not much in between. When they get upset, they flood and they're filled completely with everything they're feeling.
They do what we all really want to do when we're confronted with no getting our way. We handle it like adults. We clench our jaws and hold back the tears. We walk away but what we really want to do is curl on the floor and cry because someone said "NO".
It takes time to find that ability to regulate. So why should we as parents send the message to our toddlers that their very real emotions and their very understandable response to them are somehow wrong.
M. and I let Finn work through his tantrums. We sit near him and rub his back and make sure he never feels alone or abandoned. We reflect what he's feeling and we understand that it really sucks not to get your way. And you know what, they never last that long.
Because it's okay to be upset and it's okay to cry about it. It's what we all do behind closed doors anyway.
posted by Sacha @ 9:40 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I think that letting him work through it on his own with you standing next to him or being there for him is a great way to deal with tantrums. They are such valid emotions and a good way for babies to learn to soothe themselves, but still have the comfort of knowing that the parents are around. Having you rub his back must make him feel better and know you're there for him even though he's mad and doesn't understand what he's feeling.
I think we woud all like to sit down and kick and scream and express our frustrations sometimes...I think we can all learn sometihng from our kids. yes theres a time and a place, but until they are old enough to understand that, the best thing we can do is just be there when they need us like you were saying.
glad to see you back! sounds like the most respectful way to handle a tantrum to me. ~amandakate from RC
how different from our son, who is 2, and very clearly and distinctly wants to be alone when he has a tantrum, most of the time. after it is over, a minute at the MOST, then we talk and cuddle.
doesn't he strike out when you pat his back? i'm just trying to picture it...
I love that saying no can be so nice, they learn that it's OK to say what you want, that everyone has feelings, and that love endures. the conversations later are so cute...and the ones during are anything but! :)
cheers,
sean
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