Genderqueer Pregnancy and Birth
Just something I've been thinking about.
I identify as a lesbian and female, but I know quite a few people who are either gender queer or living as a different gender than their birth. Also many people are in relationships where they identify as lesbian with a male partner who was female when they started the relationship.
Recently a question was posed as to how to describe or market a birthing class for lesbians without using the word "lesbian" or "queer".
I'm not sure if this can even be done.
My question back would be "what about people who are FtM or gender queer?"
I've become increasingly comfortable with the word queer. It's easier than GLBT (and sometimes the dreaded Q). It's snappy. It covers all territory. And my exposure to the poly community and the gender queer community leaves no question that sometimes queer really is the best word to describe our group as a whole. It's the most inclusive.
I understand the reluctance by the general community to use "queer". I don't get not wanting to use "lesbian". How unlabeled are we supposed to be? Do we end up being women who happen to have sex with women? By destroying our labels we become indistinguishable from our heterosexual counterparts, and while that is not a bad goal, what do we do with the unique world view we bring to the party as a minority, as women, as queers?
I also have to wonder how much internalized homophobia has to do with refusing to use "queer" or "lesbian". Who knows.
I digress a little bit. Just a little.
So my question is this: for anyone reading this who is gender queer or FtM, what makes you feel included in the lesbian community? Maybe you feel automatically included. Maybe you feel like the minority within the minority. How do you feel about the world "queer"? If you identify as queer, how do you feel about the reluctance to use the word "queer"?
What language in a brochure for a lesbian led birthing class would make you feel included?
posted by Sacha @ 10:47 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
I identify as both GQ and queer. I am typically read as female - sometimes this bothers me, other times it doesn't. It seems to go in phases. Right now it doesn't bother me. When I was pregnant, it really really bothered me. Dunno. Maybe it's hormones.
I do, however, get irked when people id me as lesbian. Not because of the GQ thing, but because I'm much more pansexual and I don't like being labeled based on who I happen to be with right now.
As for a birth class, that's a good question. As someone who is sort of GQ, I had a really hard time being pregnant. On one hand, I loved being pregnant. On a few other hands, it was really challenging. I don't even think a generic "lesbian" birth class would make that better, except that perhaps they would have heard the word "genderqueer" before. But I still don't know if I would have chosen a birth class to talk about it.
Good question.
P.S I'm not being smart or rude, I just really think this was one of your pregnancy shots you had on the blog when you were pregnant with your son. Am I wrong? It may be another blog I was reading...
FJ - yes, that's me ::big sigh:: I sent a complaint to utube and hopefully they will take it down. I guess this is the danger of the internet. I'm going to take down your comment with the URL if that's okay. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.
I prefer the term queer. It feels powerful & inclusive.
I identify as queer and, though I generally identify as a girl, I've been questioning how I think of my gender. My family includes two partners, a genderqueer butch and an FTM.
Due to some really bad experiences my family and I avoid anything labeled as "lesbian" more than we avoid heterosexual focused events. We have discussed what we will do about birthing classes when I manage to get pregnant and decided to go more with the birthing philosophy more than the community it is aimed at. Though, if I saw a "queer" birthing class I would look into it in hopes that we would have less to explain to the instructors.
Jude - I can't wait to meet you. From what you post, you and I have very similar experiences with our bodies/pregnancies. It has been hard to vocalize it, so I am happy to see others working through it.
As for queer, it isn't just about grouping the whole of us under one term or standing in for LGBT. It is, at its very heart, about politics. For me, Queer engenders a different politics around the family, is class conscious, anti-racist and anti-imperialist. It is non-normative, which includes homonormative. The politics of the identity challenge the status quo and embraces being different - i.e NOT normal.
I'm sad because these ideas around queer are slowly being eroded, such that it has started to stand in for an umbrella identity category. That wasn't the intial focus (when I think about Queer Nation for example) and to see it aligned with homonormativity really rankles.
I ID as GQ sometimes (I did pre-pregnancy, and sometimes now) and I also ID as queer. I *don't* ID as lesbian, mainly cuz it the term has been so removed from these politics I describe above, and many "lesbian" communities have become white washed and scarily racist. Slowly, queer spaces have as well. Which sucks. I really loved the (perhaps imagined) community that I saw building around queer politics and practice.
As for birth classes, we did go to a queer class. What I was looking for in a class was intended politics around non-interventionist birth, alternative birthing and labouring practices, various familiar arrangements, and legal discussions around protecting my family (however I chose to make that family up). There was one other family in the class, who were poly and had a number of reasons why they chose a queer class instead of the many ones directed at lesbians in our city.
Agreed, very good question!
You are all a bunch of fucked up people. You should not be raising children.
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