BFN Frustration
Okay, BFN #2 is out of the way. Emotionally, we're hanging in there, by our fingernails.I've always said that becoming a nurse was (is) the hardest thing I've ever done. I stand by that, but trying to make a baby might be a very, very close. All of the blame that seems to float around this process sometimes feels like it might rip us to shreds. It's natural to look for something or someone to blame when we're having our dreams deconstructed in regular two week increments.
It's hard to know if it's time for intervention or if we keep going until #6 THEN start heading in for bloodwork and tests. M. is pushing for interventions. I'm pushing against them because there's a huge part of me that wants...NEEDS...to feel like I'm normal. I want to put off acknoweldging that my body has failed us until the last possible moment. It's very hard. M. has done so much work and studying to get us to this point and is frustrated that I'm not agreeing with her. I can see how TTC can tear even the strongest couple apart.
The one thing I've agreed to do is accupuncture.
I'm so tired and frustrated. I hurt my foot last night, twisted it on the way to the car, so being in pain isn't helping anything. I'm groping for a way to deal with this in a positive way knowing that it's only going to get worse with each BFN.
posted by Sacha @ 10:26 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
I know all to well how frustrating this can all be. DH an I have been TTC #1 for 18 months. We have had 2 failed PG's and I am now 11 weeks PG. I just want to say as hard as it seems don't give up. It seems to me that you pair have come along way so far.
I was so close to giving up I had actually told DH on Christmas day that I can not do it anymore... and Bingo on the 6th Jan along came another BFP. Try to keep the stress levels down (Ha I know your TTC thats impossible) I actually stoped working and have been letting my body take over.
I wish you both lots of babydust and a BFP very soon.
It is so hard. I must be extra hard for M. because the whole process is out of her control (not her sperm, not her body), and for you it IS your body so it must be frustrating to have someone else telling you what to do with it (and the implication being something is wrong).
I have a question for you...fears aside, what you want to be true aside, what does syour gut say about your body? Why are you afraid to have interventions...does it feel stressful, like it will make your process harder? I would not want to have tests and prodding either. It has only been 2 months, perfectly reasonable timeframe. Thats why I ask what your intuition tells you. I know its hard to discern what your gut says in these situations, but in retrospect mine is always talking to me I just don't listen.
I am in exactly the same spot. We have had three BFN cycles and are wondering where to go from here. I am leaning towards holding off on the intervention unless there is a compelling reason to be in a big hurry. We are both lucky that we have known donors and are not forking over hundreds of dollars per cycle. So we can afford to wait and let mother nature take her time.
Remember, (and this reminder is for me too because I often lose sight of it) it is totally normal for a fertile healthy person to take up to a full year to conceive. We might also try to get DP pregnant for a few months while I take a break and try to lose some weight.
Acupuncture seems like a good choice, and I like the suggestion that you both go. I have been seeing a dietician, taking soy supplements and cutting back on caffiene as my moderate changes to increase the likeliness of a BFP.
Good luck - take care of yourselves while you figure this stuff out.
PS: I love that M is so great about your TTC. My M is excited but not the type to do so much research on it all. And she wakes up too late to be involved in temping and peeing on sticks. ;-)
Charlotte has great things to say (as usual) and I agree with her 100%. I know that it was really hard for me during our TTC period because I felt so out of control. If Kristin didn't want to lay on her back for an hour, who was I to tell her to get her butt back on that bed, and would that extra time even work??? And there were other things. We didn't want interventions because we didn't want to (in our opinion) waste money better spent (again in our opinion) on getting ready for and caring for that child once it was here. So we held off, knowing that it can take a couple with no fertility problems up to a year to conceive. And that was hard, because all I could think of was that those couples might not necessarily be timing their sex right on the money like we were...
In the end, after 4 bfn's we did some testing and it turned out we did need clomid. So, if we had broken down and gotten those tests and the clomid earlier would we have been pregnant faster? (it took us two cycles on clomid). Who knows. BUT, you have had the tests to see that you're ovulating, correct? And they were fine, right? And you're getting DtD tested, yes? Have you had an HSG yet? I wouldn't consider an HSG an intervention, so if you haven't gotten it, maybe you should. And if it turns out that everything is working fine, maybe get your accupuncture and just give it another couple of cycles before beginning the chemicals. Sorry, M. But really, living with a woman who's getting clomid and/or injectibles is really hard!
Umm, sorry for the long comment...
Thanks to everyone for your great and thoughtful comments. I do have to throw something into the mix though. Based on some of your comments, it seems that you think I want to cut her open and stick a baby in. But actually, what I'm recommending right now is pretty light and non-invasive in my opinion.
I would like Sacha to get a prescription for progesterone to help lengthen her LP and boost her progesterone a bit and to maybe get CD3 bloodwork done. I think we should try that BEFORE we go onto other tests/procedures.
I hope we don't have to go down the Clomid path since although it helps boost the egg, it hinders EWCM. I too would like to do this as naturally as possible and just don't think a little extra natural progesterone is a bad thing. Can only help, not hurt. So, that's where I'm coming from. For, I'm as hippie as the next girl.
I feel misrepresented. : )
Ack. Sorry, M.
Post a Comment
<< Home