The mysterious world of lesbian conception
I find it amusing how the straight world twists the experience of lesbian conception into terms they can understand. I can't tell you how many times a straight person has assumed M. and I are making regular trips to the doc for our IUI, because really, what other way could a lesbian possibly concieve???? My ex-coworker actually asked me if anonymous donor sperm comes from some sort of vat. Even though it's impossible, imagine if we got sperm from a vat. No longer would sex be the only mystery. You would think that urban legend of the turkey baster would have enough power to at least bring the concept of home insemination into the mainstream.
They just don't think about it much. After all, baby making for them is all about getting off the pill and fucking like bunny rabbits. Which is why when we show up with a baby they are amazed and think that baby must have been made by fairy dust and chants under the full moon.
After all, how else would a LESBIAN get a baby?
posted by Sacha @ 6:26 AM
12 comments
12 Comments:
fairy dust & chants ... it works?! ;-)
actually, I am finding the opposite! We had even, jokingly, put a turkey baster on our registry and no one took the bait (though were disappointed when I mentioned it to them that it hadn't occurred to them!). People keep asking me did I "do it the traditional way"... yes, that's right - did we get it on like bunnies! Except my SIL who assumed we had done IVF, possibly with Beth's eggs... $$$$$$$
he he, I totally forgot the big gay orgy option. I've seriuosly had a couple people think we were all sleeping together. Uh huh...NO.
And ironically, my word verification:
fcknnq
like bunny rabbits.
I've been following your blog with interest since I saw the link to it in M.'s posts in a fertility friend group where we were on the same 2ww.
I'll admit that before a few of months ago I didn't know much about or think much about lesbian conception, it just hadn't crossed my radar. Really before a year ago I didn't know a whole lot about fertility and conception in general, beyond the middle school sex-ed basics, had heard of IVF, but had no concept of the huge amount of work, energy and pain that go into it, and hadn't even heard of IUI.
I know there's a lot I still don't know about or understand, but I've learned a bunch since then from a friend's exploration of options for having a baby on her own, from stories of a classmate of ours who was a donor for a couple several years ago, from reading lots of different people's experiences through online groups and blogs and from our own attempts at ttc, and I have to disagree with:
"They just don't think about it much. After all, baby making for them is all about getting off the pill and fucking like bunny rabbits." Sure, it's true for some, but there are tons of people who have to go through quite a bit more in the process of trying to have a child. Just look at the groups on ff. There are lots of straight couples who have to go through lots of options and variations depending on their situtation.
If the generalization came from being upset about the issue, I apologize for overreacting, but I'm not keen on being stereotyped either.
Um, I will be SO HAPPY to start with the fairy dust and full moon. I'm a Jew too so I'm sure there are some other rites I could get myself involved in....
We haven't even met PKD yet so the full moon is all we have. Sigh.
I was very sad (okay and furious) when a (heterosexual) person close to me expressed that we will be pregnant soon. Really?? How ever do you know that????? Do you say that because for you the process of meeting your donor, getting your contract signed, getting tested, and buying medicine spoons went really quickly?
OH you mean you just had sex? Gosh. Weird. I didn't know you could do it that way.
Adelie - I know that there are fabulous straight people out there who are working very hard to have a baby and facing many of the same issues we face. M. and I have had this conversation many, many times, but I think FF is a bit of an echo chamber and doesn't reflect the mainstream point of view or level of education. When M. and I finally have our baby and walk out onto the street, the chance that we'll interact with someone who has a FF level of understanding when it comes to fertility and conception is slim. And I would totally count myself lucky if I ran into people like that.
Most straight people I know who either have children, are pregnant or are considering trying in the future DO take the 'get off the pill, have sex and just let IT happen' approach and for many it works. It's simply the dominant world view that M. and I live in and cope with on a regular basis. This doesn't mean it's wrong. It does mean that it results in a certain level of frustration for us when it comes to other people understanding our family and how it came to be. Insensitivity is a good word.
When straight people get pregnant, not matter how they do it, they don't end up being questioned at every turn. That's not the case for same-sex parents. And the questions certainly aren't limited to being from straight people; queers do it too, especially if you're using a known donor like we are.
Stating your response to my words is NOT overreacting at all, especially when it's done in such kind manner.
I like all your writing about this issue, Sacha, 'cause it's one that's been smacking me in the face a lot, and it helps me to have words. As opposed to just, say, facial expressions and primal noises.....
:-)
God, this issue is bugging me more and more. Literally no one but you all understand how complicated this is. Or how easy it can be. The straight world in general really does not get it.
did u guys end up havin a baby? sara
I'm ready to donate my semen for two women living together to have a baby.
yeah i mean it i'm serious,i live in vancouver bc,write me at gunnitgetgold@yahoo.ca
Hi. I've just found gay guy who wants to donate and be involved in child's life. I know there must be others out there in similar situation, would love to connect. Today's my first day surfing net for info - I've never added to a blog before! Any useful websites much appreciated,
Julia - 38, Perth - Western Australia
hello, i'm les bean, i am going to my son's 21st next week and he was created by baster!! alright so he has got 3 arms but it does work!!!!!! try ittttt!! much lovez les! wb xXxXxXxX
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