P.W.A.
I went to my first pre-natal water aerobics class last night. It was strange to be part of The Club.The Club being pregnant people. All of the sudden I'm not on the outside, watching them blissfully rub their annoying, swollen bellies. I'm in the middle of an Oprah watching, stroller buying, due date comparing...mindless HERD.
Part of me wants to fight this, although another part keeps asking myself...isn't this what I wanted? I'm not sure.
I don't like the culture of pregancy. It's the part of our society that says the pregnant woman is the most precious, fragile thing we have. It's the part that provides Stork parking. After you emerge from pregnancy then you get to be assualted by the kid-centric world, like my YMCA catering to families when I KNOW many people who go there who don't have kids.
Do I want to contribute to these trends in society that so deeply offend me?
The prenatal water aerobics was fine. I did my best to make it as much as it could be. At the same time, I became one of them. I became PREGNANT and nothing more. Not a kick ass nurse. Not a good life partner. Not mom to four cats. Not a bleeding heart liberal. Not a queer activist. Just pregnant.
What's after this? Just a mom? Are children so life defining that you lose the rest of you?
I've decided that I'm P.W.A. Pregnant With Attitude. Because I'm not going to go gently into this. I'm not going to find a family and lose myself in the process. And I will not watch Oprah.
posted by Sacha @ 6:16 AM
14 comments
14 Comments:
I think you'll be a great Mom simply because you're aware of all this. My hubby and I have been trying for years and years and years. It will quite possibly never happen for us. But I love to read the blog of a mom-to-be who still considers the feelings of those without kids.
You go girl/PWA!! Please remember this when you're a Mom.
-pilar from FF
AMEN AMEN and AMEN.
(though I did watch Oprah today -- *blush*)
Um, you will rue the day you bad mouthed stork parking. Mark my words, lady.
I do hear you, and I do agree...kinda. Because I think that pregnant women are more fragile, and there is nothing wrong with that. People should treat you better, be nicer to you. It makes sense biologically, and it is great when you get all weepy and shit. My gripe is that our culture has taken the power out of women giving birth.
But you are totally right about 'the club'. It is WEIRD.
And I love that you want to maintain your identity.
the club is weird but the stork parking is good... waddling in to get last minute stuff is less than fun when it's busy...
And I think pregnant women are less fragile physically but ah the emotions can be a bit much... still are some days.
Uhm, what's wrong with Oprah?? ;-)
I was also going to say the stork parking is great. I mean, I look forward to using up those prime parking spots at a busy mall. When your ankles are swollen and you have a huge, heavy belly on you, I'm sure those spots are awesome!
I think we're not fragile being pregnant but I do think a woman who is pregnant should get some things awarded to her like a seat on the bus when a teen is happily taking it up. I don't think it's bad to cater to pregnant women in some ways. I think it's only fair.
At the same time, I hate some of the attention you get being pregnant. And the belly rubbing. It's just weird. :-P
I will never watch Oprah b/c Oprah is a lame show. But I have to say, I actually *like* the parking for pregnant moms or for people with young kids!! And I like our society being family and kid friendly. In fact, I don't even think we are there in the U.S. We would have a really long way to go. I think children and parenting are unrecognized as valid contributions in our society, more than pregnant women getting "special treatment." I am going to be a SAHM and I absolutely do not judge those who choose to work, but I don't want to be judged or looked down on either, kwim?
I don't want to lose my identity either, but in a way I am *ready* to have being a mom be a big part of it. Yes, there has to be a balance. But I know so many kick ass mamas and most of our mama friends are single moms, and if they can be cool and still have a life, I figure I can too.
I do understand what you mean too, although I never felt part of the "club". I really don't think that you're going to end up feeling like "just a mom" or as part of a herd. You just seem like such a thinker and "beat of her own drum" kind of girl. Continue to take good care of yourself because that's what it's all about anyway. I've never heard of Stork Parking!
I love P.W.A.! I bet many of the other women in the Preggo herd would like to be known as more than preggo. There may be some other kick ass women in the class.
xo
One of the most valuable things that my partner and I learned AFTER our daughter was born was, "Accept any offers of help or kindness that come your way." I think this applies to pregnancy too.
My partner didn't get all that much special treatment during pregnancy because many people couldn't tell that she was pregnant. She's bigger and the baby just didn't show to the untrained eye. Anyway, I wished that she had gotten more special treatment, more opportunities to put her swollen feet up.
While you might not feel that you need it now, leave your mind open to accepting pregnancy-directed kindness. Speaking as a non-bio super-involved mom, I just bet that M will want you to!
As to children being life-defining... yes they are. They should be.
Children are very life-defining, and it is a job to keep yourself while raising them. It seems like you have a pretty strong sense of self though and that it might not be quit the struggle for you as it can be for others!
Ditto...and please don't buy a yellow Hummer to drive your one child around either!
I feel the same way. I'm only 4 months but already at work it seems like the pregnancy is the only thing that people want to talk about, including work. As a lesbian, I'm not used to sharing a lot about my personal life and intimate feelings with my co-workers, (of course I'm out but I just let it rest most of the time) and this new attention feels patronizing and strange. I'm also the highest-paid and youngest woman in my company, and somehow it feels like other women at work tell me their pregnancy advice almost to put me in my place. I appreciate the help, but right now at least, I really don't feel that I need it. I just feel more vulnerable and overexposed.
You know you'll always be a little punk rock because you're a pregnant lesbian.
When I would go to prenatal yoga or any other gathering of pregnant ladies I would be freaked out by the culture of pregnancy as well, but I was always able to stay on the outside because I was a gay breeder.
It works out well :-)
You can do with the culture whatever you want, it is your right. Some need a defining moment in their lives and children are that to them. You are fortunate to be a " kick ass nurse" and have other things to fall back on. Not everyone have been delt the same hand as you. Feel lucky.
Honestly, the pregnant woman is the most fragile thing walking on the face of the planet. You do understand how hard it is to become and maintain a pregnancy and still there are no guarantees.
Yes, pregnancy and motherhood do take away part of who you are and that will never go away. Not now, not when they are six and not when they are 18. It is an overwhelming concept to give yourself away to someone you've never even met but here you are, committed, for life.
My true belief is that many women join the club out of loniness. They did not understand the committment before making ( or not making) the decision to have a child. Try to look at the motivation of those in the club before judging. You may find that you can actually find a few card carrying members that you can connect to and benefit in knowing.
Welcome to motherhood;)
Post a Comment
<< Home