Sex!
Ha, got your attention :)M. and I are leaning toward finding out the gender of our lovely little figlet. We had both decided we wouldn't, except I'm the type that peeks at ALL christmas presents and M. is the type that plans like a banshee.
To know or not to know, that is the question.
What's your input, beloved readers (can you tell that I've had a nap, I'm feeling borderline funny)? If you've been there, done that, was it worth it? If you didn't find out, was it the best surprise in the world?
Help!
posted by Sacha @ 5:17 PM
23 comments
23 Comments:
I am due December 2. We found out based on the ultrasound, that we are having a girl. However, I've known two people who were told "girl" and they both now having beautiful sons. So, we are planning on a girl, but still trying to keep this neutral, just in case.
I couldn't imagine not finding out ASAP and when ours didn't cooperate at 16 weeks I was determined to find out at 20! The way we looked at it was it's a surprise when you find out, whether it be via ultrasound or live, so what's the difference. Besides, we didn't want all green and yellow, we wanted more creativity than that would have allowed. No regrets here, can't imagine any other way...
I have three kids and I didn't find out with the first two (girls). It took 16 mos TTC for each of them, so since it wasn't really a surprise to get the + preg test, we wanted the rest of the pgs to be surprises. Then when #2 was 6mos, I discovered I was pg again. SURPRISE! I couldn't take the suspense, and found out at 20 wks that it was a boy. Both ways have their benefits. Consider if you want to only wonder "when will s/he be born" or if you'll be more interested in pushing out the baby to find out who it is. Not knowing gave me incentive to push. But I would have needed time to adjust if #3 had been another girl. HTH and good luck with your decision!
I always wanted to find out and I did and although I don't technically regret it I wouldn't do it again.
In the end I was induced so I knew "she" would be born the next day and I had already picked a name - so the only real surprise was the weight.
If you can just get through that ultrasound without asking I don't think you would regret it.
I won't find out next time.
Boy or Girl! What a fun, magical and amazing time-- finding out-- if you do find out before the birth... you can still make it a surprise!!! Maybe you could have the tec write it down and put it in a special envelope. Then you guys can decide when to open it-- perhaps over a celebration dinner or unveil in another extraordinary way?? It's going to be the biggest news of your life so make it memorable!!! :) :)
Can't wait to find out! I'm due the same day you are!!
Hugs, Katherine
P.S. After you find out then the next step will be how to reveal the "surprise" to you family and friends???!! I've got some fun ideas when you get to that point too!
I'm due December 5th and we're waiting to find out. I cannot wait for when that baby comes out and my DF gets to tell me what we're having. I don't want to hear it from medical personnel, I want him to tell me. That was just something important to me!
We HAD to know! Of course, we knew we were having two, so I didn't want to try to come up with FOUR possible names! I loved knowing and talking to my "little guy" and "big guy". I'm too much of a planner to wait. Whatever you decide to do, it will be so fun when you find out!! Good luck!
We found out early, and thought it was the best thing ever! The bond we have with our son is so strong, even tho, he still needs to wait 7 more weeks to come out. It is nice to call him by his name, and it totally helps out in the "saving money" department, you can get the colours you need. Especially since nowadays getting neutral clothes is very hard! We are really happy we know, and don't regret it at all. Although, I have to admit that ultrasounds can lie, especially in the early weeks. We've had ours confirmed twice with our Gyn. and twice with Ultrasound specialists.
Either way, you'll know when the time comes. When you are there, and they say to you both, "do you wann know?" your first reaction, will be the answer.
I found out with both of mine. With Lauren, I knew that Susan really wanted a boy. I wanted to know the sex so if it was a girl she had time to get used to the idea.
With Alexander we couldn't find out the sex at the ultrasound but I did have an amnio so the results were there. I was leaning towards not finding out the sex but I called the doctor the day of my father's funeral because I wanted to tell my dad if it was a boy or girl before we buried him.
For me it was important to be able to bond with the baby as a real person, not as an abstract. Knowing the sex really helped me do that.
We didn't want to know! Since we adopted, they gave us the information before we could even ask them not to. But we did still keep the information to ourselves as a way of holding off the onslaught of pink/blue at least until he arrived.
I'm due around New Year's and we didn't find out gender at the 20w scan. I'm old-fashioned and didn't want to know. I find it really anti-climatic when people announce the baby's gender and name before he/she is born. But maybe that's just me. Interestingly, we've gotten a lot of very positive feedback from medical staff for not finding out. Nurses, u/s tech, even my doctor is excited for the surprise. It's interesting, for sure.
That said, almost all baby stuff is gender-specific. Even stupid things like pink/blue diaper pails and stroller fabric. Clothing in particular is basically impossible to get gender-neutral after 0-3 months. Luckily, we're inheriting baby clothes either way and our nursery theme is neutral, but I can see why people find out to aid in preparation.
Having done it both ways, I highly recommend not finding out in advance. With my first, we found out in the ultrasound room. It was very anti-climactic. I didn't even realize the tech was checking out that 'area' when she blurted out that it was a girl. It was awesome, don't get me wrong, but I wish we had at least had her put it in an envelope so that we could have made the moment more special. With my second, we had decided not to find out in advance. It was a good thing, since the u/s tech was very cold and clinical and it would have ruined the moment had she been the one to tell us. When he was born and the doctor announced "It's a BIG boy! (10.5 lbs!)", I was shaking and crying. The moment cannot even be described in words. So that's my vote! But if you find out in advance, definitely use the envelope idea!!
I definitely want to know (when it happens to us). But I don't know if I want to tell everyone. I don't want to die in a sea of pink or blue!
I love knowing at 20 weeks... to me, it's still a surprise on delivery day to meet a totally new person, regardless of the gender.
I agree with Sarah and BB. Finding out the sex of our baby helped us to bond with him as a person better. We figure, whether you find out through an ultrasound at 20 weeks, or you wait until birth, it is still a suprise! We loved being able to get to know him as a person inside the womb, and talk to him using his name. If we ever get pregnant again, we will find out early too. We had so many other suprises for the delivery day, such as size, weight, hair color, eyes, distinguishing features ect. I think pregnancy is one big suprise from beginning to end. Why not spread it out a bit!
Yup, I found out with my daughter.
Part of me wanted to be surprised, but then I realized that no matter WHEN I found out, it would be a surprise, KWIM? I do not regret it for a second.
Sure, I still wonder what it would be like to push and push and push and deliver a baby and then expectantly wait to see or hear what it is...but that idea was cast aside when I was about 3 months pregnant. I HATED referring to my baby as "it". Oh, I wonder when "IT" will start kicking, I wonder what "IT" will look like. It just seemed so impersonal.
I am one that believes in talking to your child in utero--and I just decided that I really wanted to know the gender so I could start calling the baby by "IT'S" name and start referring to "IT" as he or she. For me, it really made all the difference.
Of course, I still brought pink and blue to the delivery room...but when she was born I felt so bonded to her and it felt like she was born into her name. I don't know how else to phrase it.
That said...right now I've decided with #2 I won't find out ahead of time. I bet when I'm 3 months along that will all change again. *giggle*
Whoa. What a novel! Sorry!
I have had 3 children, with my first i found out b/c i was a single parent, and i didnt want her to be dressed in yellow and green. I didn't find out with my 2nd pregnancy and with our third we did. I think that it is a personal choice. I am a firm believer in deep down i think it is a....
We want to find out and expect to do so at around 20 weeks for many of the reasons already stated. To be able to talk to our son or daughter by name and to prepare specifically with their gender in mind is something we both really want. Of course, it will all depend upon a cooperative baby so that we can. A co-worker of mine wanted to know her baby's gender but the baby didn't present the proper view until 8 months along!
We really really wanted a boy. That's an important preface to this. However, we decided not to find out the gender of our little bean. Thus, all of our planning (and we're crazy planners too) was for either gender. Although we were sure it was a boy, we prepared for either. We came up with a gender-neutral name, did a calm green nursery, and enjoyed NOT getting pink bloomers or little football uniforms.
When our daughter was born, it was the best surprise ever. We were so suprised we just mouthed to each other, "Did they just say 'she???'" It still takes my breath away to remember how surprised we were. (And we're glad she wasn't a boy, by the way.)
Bree from LurkerLand
We want to know. We're too impatient.
We didn't find out and the anticipation of it all has been fun! It also was a good thing when we had our showers as we actually got all of the big-ticket items on our registry. A friend who is also pregnant but did find out gender didn't get anything she needed but did get tons of pink dresses.
ok, no one else said it. So I'm just going to go ahead and be the big ole' terminology police and just say it:
you can find out the sex, but you won't know the gender until the kid lets you know him/herself...
Ok, there, my duty is done.
We found out early. Well, not early. The little bugger was shy. So it took a few tries, but we were so glad that we found out. It made the pregnancy so much more real, especially to me who couldn't feel her every moment. AND we got to have the name fight BEFORE the baby was born, not after. If you want to keep the gendered baby clothing to a minimum you don't have to tell anyone else that you know the baby's sex.
We didn't find out until the birth, and that was really right for us. Like a previous commenter, I find it weird when people know the sex of their baby and give it a name and refer to it by name before birth. It feels presumptuous to me. Also, we liked the mystery and the wonder, since the creation of the baby was so clinical and "artificial". But then we're home-birthing, cloth-diapering, earthy crunchy hippy mamas, so take that as you will. :)
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