Eeeeevil Pregnancy Hormones
The bad pregnancy hormones have been raging lately. I seem to have some sort of emotional breakdown every other day or so.
The latest was over our insurance debacle. We have no option but to change both hospitals and midwives at this point. Part of me is okay with this. I like our midwife. If you knew me in real life, you'd know that the word 'like' is akin to tepid water and a small step above dislike. I mean, she's okay. Which is why I'm not heartbroken that we have to change course.
At the same time the self blame of being labeled 'high risk' feels heavy on my shoulders. It runs through my head. I'm too fat to be pregnant. I'm not dedicated enough. I shouldn't have ever thought I deserved to be pregnant. Silly girl, who ever thought YOUR body had the stuff to incubate and nurture another life. I'm too much of a basket case, too much of a stress case and simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH to do this.
Those are the bad hormones talking. I mean BAD BAD hormones. They make me cry and feel inadequate. I feel alone.
Things feel okay today. If there's one thing I can do, it's fight. Which is why I'm taking steps to manage my stress and working on ways to keep me from becoming truly high risk instead of perceived as high risk.
Being pregnant is hard. Society makes it look like some blissful, glowing experience. I want to glow, damn it. I don't want to have to spend my every moment trying to keep my heart and soul above water.
Wah. Need hug. Need that glow. Need those good hormones people tell me about.
posted by Sacha @ 6:08 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
I felt so much like this in my last pregnancy. I think I did feel a bit "glowy" around 22-30 weeks, so you still could feel better. You are doing a great job growing that little baby, but you're right, it is really hard work. Hugs to you.
You are not alone. Pregnancy is the hardest physical challenge I've ever had in my whole life. Pregnancy is not glamorous for me. It's interesting, and it's mostly hard work. Your body is perfectly designed to carry your baby. All sizes of women bear healthy babies. Pregnancy hormones are evil....I totally agree. Hang in there!
I agree with the last poster. I definately felt better after 22 weeks...now I'm just tired most of the time. Sometimes I even feel a little glowy...but not all that often.
I think glowy is a myth. I just looked pimply, fatish, and tired. Lots of people liked to comment on all three of those lovely qualities. I cried A LOT. I will be high risk next time (if there is a next time) because L was so early. Big HUGE hugs to you. Your body can and will do this. Being pg is a lot like ttc, not nearly as glamourous and exciting as culture wants us to think it is.
You can do this! I had those days... you will make it.... ((hugs))
Glow schmow - so far it sucks! You're clearly NOT too fat to be pregnant because you ARE pregnant. You would know from being at the hospital that there are lots of women bigger than you pushing out babies all the time. And there are lots of skinny people who have hypertension issues too, so self-blame about your size is not going to help anything. I have the comfort of working with 2 women who are very slender who have had the most dreadful pregnancies I have ever seen in my life and so far I'm doing better than both of those women so it's not just fatness that can make for pregnancy problems that's for sure. I wish I could send you some comforting fat girl hugs! :-)
Too FAT to be pregnant? Well that's obviously ridiculous since you got pregnat "relatively" easily (well, compared to a lot of people, anyway) AND have STAYED that way (unlike me, for instance) and there is NO reason your weight should be an issue at all at this point.
Yes, it's the hormones talking...hope they shut up sson so you can start "glowing". (i've never really noticed that glow even though i've known bunches of pregnant women...but what do i know? To me they all just look miserably uncomfortable but maybe that's me rationalizing that it's working out a better way for me...)
You, on the other hand, are going to GIVE BIRTH to a wonderful, healthy baby and you AND your DP are going to be glowing (though tired) then!
ok.. I have followed your story from FF to your babyblog now... And fat should NOT be in a pregnant womans vocab! lol ! We are 'fluffy'!! I am about 70 pounds over weight! YEH, hear that! I am 13 weeks now. You seem to be very conscious of your health and I truly belive that your pregnancy will fly by with out any problem! Stay positve, stay focused! Hold your head up girl... YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE A MOMMY!! That is the most awesome experience! You and M Cherish every moment of your pregnancy. Take pride in the life you have created! Peace to you both!!
April (DestinySky,FF)
lots of HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!
and rose to you
@}-----
your loveley and dont let them bad hormones tell you otherwise!
anyone who says "perceived high risk" to another "fluffy " preggo should be attached to a breast pump for a week...
you are doing GREAT and BIG hugs from NEw York
Oh honey, I'm sorry things feel crappy today. I feel like a freak half the time and now the rest of the time I feel great. But it was just recently that I started feeling any kind of good. I thought you looked beautiful and healthy when I saw you and you're doing a great job - it just feels shitty sometimes. xoxo
Pregnancy is SOSOSOSO hard. I totally feel for you! I think you will feel better, but then it will get worse again. I had meltdowns and tears almost every night at times. Love you!
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