Adoption Stuff
Now that we are actually pregnant, it's time to think about the adoption.
M. has contacted Lawyer Lisa and confirmed that we can have DtD sign the paperwork prior to birth. Actually, he can sign the paperwork any time, then has 48 hours after the birth to reconsider.
Now we're trying to decide the WHEN part.
M. is of the 0pinion we should have him sign ASAP. She doesn't want him to see me all big and pregnant before he signs.
I want to wait until the third trimester or closer to the birth. My thinking is that the earlier he signs the more time he has to sit around and think about what he's doing and what he's given up.
We both know he won't be seeing the wee babe for that 48 hours.
Opinions? Has anyone who went to term with a KD been through this? When did you sign the paperwork?
posted by Sacha @ 7:04 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
I've never had a known donor, but I think that now is a great time to put into a legally binding contract what has already been decided verbally. I think that waiting on legal stuff is not a great idea in any aspect. When I bought my house I did not move in and then sign the contract. Nope I was on the phone with my agent every five minutes wanting to know when they seller had signed and wanting my copy yesterday.....even though legally the house was not mine until the transaction had been registered with the state. That's just my opinion.
Different reasons from above for saying the sooner the better - I too have not dealt with a KD... however, I have dealt with an entire pregnancy, a challenging birth (with a fantastic outcome!) and the first bit of time with a newborn... DO IT NOW. Time passes differently in the last weeks of pregnancy - bursts of energy appear and disappear and things just don't get done. Consider us as your examples - we could have had the second parent adoption done within a month of H's birth and we are scrambling NOW to get it finished before the end of the year! Learn from us... :-)
Lucky that you have the option.
We have to wait until after the birth of the baby before KD can sign away his rights, and have to "live as a family" for a further year before my partner will be allowed to adopt.
You sound a bit jittery (understandably), so I reckon you should do it sooner rather than later. His signing is in alignment with the agreement you already have. The longer that agreement is in place legally before he changes his mind (which I'm sure he won't), the less favourably I think it would be looked on, in the event of a disagreement.
But that's just my thoughts - feel free to ignore!
Good luck with it.
I'd personally want him to sign now. I think at least you'd have that part done and would have a record of him wanting to give up his rights. I don't know the laws but I think I would just feel more comfortable having the process started.
Hmmm.... well, we don't have adoption here in Utah, so we didn't have to have N sign anything other than the contract. But I agree with the other commenters. He's already going to have plenty of time to give this some though... but having him sign it now gives him more time to process and grieve if he needs to... gives him more time with the reality of having signed, and puts one you all one more step closer to the legal situation you all want. It makes it all said and done, really, because then all that has to happen is time passing. Whereas if this keeps getting drawn out and drawn out and drawn out then it's up in the front of the mind and the more its up in the front of the mind then the more of an issue it becomes... when, really, it's a non-issue. Treat it as such. It's a non-issue, it's a formality, get it taken care of now so you ALL can focus on something else...
Hey, I don't know why that anonymous comment said it was anonymous and not from me!
Since the donor has two days after birth to change his mind I'd rather wait until the birth just because it's a crazy time as it is and like you said...if he signs now he has now until two days after birth to debate whether or not it's the best decision for him. I'd give him as little time as possible to change his mind so I say have him sign after the birth.
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