The Circumcision Decision
Finn's First Outing - to the store - we needed to see people and buy ice cream!I'm sitting in bed, one day post-op, and my phone rings. It's my mother who asks me...
"What are your thoughts on circumcision?"
I tell her that our little boy will have an intact penis. She then asks me to reconsider. I explained to her very nicely that we've thought through the issue, done our research and if Finn would like to make the decision to be circumcized in the future, we are 100% supportive of whatever he would like to do.
End of conversation? Uh, no. She called me three more times that day to discuss it. My dad called me as well. ONE DAY POST-OP. I had to listen to how:
- Circumcized men are cleaner - what about when he's old and feeble?
- He'll be laughed at in the shower
- Babies don't feel pain so we should do it now instead of later
- Don't we want to make the most conservative decision?
- It's a cosmetic procedure
- Yes, circumcision can reduce the rate of HIV transmission. Yes, the WHO is recommending it...in Africa. None of this will not reduce Finn's responsibility to practice safe-sex nor our responsibility to teach him.
- Babies DO feel pain.
I've decided that in the future when Finn will surely whine about how unfair his moms are, I will simply remind him who he owes his intact penis to. That should end the conversation.
posted by Sacha @ 5:29 AM
29 comments
29 Comments:
thank you! i will save these bullet points in case we have a boy --um, after i get pregnant, that is-- . i am confident that every male in my family will get their panties in a wad over foreskin. (i think they will simply be jealous.)
btw, so glad you're getting out of the house. fresh air and ice cream are magic.
I've decided not to circumsize too (I think). I hope I am as strong as you when others inject their opinions.
I am glad you were able to get out for some ice cream. Thanks for telling it like it is!
I'm sorry they're harassing you about your decision, hopefully they'll let it go.
For what it's worth ... this particular stranger in the internets agrees with you (none of mine are circumcised either).
We are having a boy too and he is not going to be circumcised either. My parents are fine with the decision. No gripping, just okay it's your baby. The funny part is that his family is all like why not, how did you all come about your decision. The reason it is so funny is that my husband is not circumcised. His sister is so dumb. She asked me why we weren't doing it and I said that there is no medical necessity for it. It is cosmetic. She looks me straight in the face and says "The doctor told me that he requires his patients to have the son circumcise." Huh the same dr that said a women ovulates twice a month. What an idiot. Then she looks at me and says while pointing at my husband (of 7 yrs)"He's not circumcised, did you know that?" DUH!!!
After 5 weeks in the NICU with my premature baby, countless procedures involving needles and other things I'd rather forget, I can say that YES babies feel pain.
Good for you for sticking to your guns, and shame on her for not letting you rest!
We would not have circ'd.
Rock on, mamas. Good choice!
Why are people so obsessed about babies penises? Soooo many people have asked us how we will know what to do with the penis if we have a boy... of course the answer is that you do nothing with the penis you idiots! You leave it alone! Doing a good job girls - you're wonderful mummies already!
Yay for an uncircumcised boy!
Some friends were talkling about their nephew being circumcised and how he cried etc I said no way would I ever have a son that was circumcised unless it was by his own choice. OMG did I catch a wrathy of crap from both of them. Same stuff: it's cleaner, he'll be picked on. I just told them if it ain't broke don't fix it!
Congrats girls! And boy!
I'm sorry you are being harrassed about leaving Finn intact. We have a 2 year old little boy who is intact and we've never regretted the decision. Our second son, due any day now, will also be left intact.
It's amazing how many people will have an opinion on such a private body part.
If my mother asked such a thing i'd tell her it was none of her d*** business!
Good for you for NOT subjecting your boy to that torture AND for standing up to your mom after what you've been through
People are weird about circumcision - when we sent pictures of Aidyn- new born pics minutes old a friend wrote back asking why we didn't circumcise him...hello he was minutes old in that pic wouldn't have been done at that point anyway. We didn't circumcise either and we still get shit from some of Jody's family
Have you talked to any other men ?
Men who are not circumsized before making this decidision.
I did. EVERY single main stream guy who I talked with (at LEAST 25 guys) told me to do it. So OBVIOUSLY the pain that they feel (and I was AGAINST any and all pain) is forgotten as they get older.
My uncle circumsized himself later in life because he kept giving my Aunt infections. He is a clean, very important and rich business man. (just stating his status so you don't think he is some dead beat dirty old guy). He said that it was EXTREMELY painful as an adult to do and he wishes his parents would have done it when he was a baby. (his boys, 5 of them, are all circumsized)
I understand you have an opinion on this. I also understand the controversy that surrounds it...which is why I waited 2 weeks to circ my son. I had to be in the room with him (NEVER EVER EVER DO THAT) and wished I would have had them do it in the hospital with me not around.
It was the men who convinced me to do it. Men who had it done and hadn't had it done. Men who have penis's.
Sorry to go against this grain.
Don't everybody get all worked up...just stating my opinion. :)
Steph
We didn't circ either. Purely a medical decision for us and since there's no medical reason, we decided against it. Funny thing is we got a bill for my son's circ from the hospital (apparently insurance doesn't cover it). When I called to ask them why they billed the insurance company and then us when he didn't get the surgery, her response was that billing for it was automatic for baby boys. WTF? Apparently 99% of boys are cir'd at that hospital. Stupid conservative south!
My friend is a pediatrician. My husband was concerned about the laughing in the shower thing and she said that in the US it's about 50/50 these days with the procedure so there will plenty of boys un and done.
We didn't do it with either of our boys although we had planned to. Our son was a preemie and spent four weeks in the NICU and after hearing those baby boys scream and fret during after their circs, we couldn't go through with it.
although i'm sure you're parents have the best intentions, they really do need to mind their own fucking business. YOU are the parent now and they need to respect this. i know it was (and still is) very hard for my mom to "let go and let me be the parent with mikaela."
oh and excuse me? babies don't feel pain? i cannot STAND the way some people dehumanize babies to serve their own agendas.
i don't really believe finn will be laughed at in the shower. many, many parents are re-thinking the decision to circumsize and i'd say there is a much greater push against it these days. personally, i think it is BARBARIC and leaves an emotional scar on a little boy. perhaps it is one reason men can be so obsessed with their penises...
i applaud and wholeheartedly support your decision. BRAVO!
If it were purely my own decision, I'd just assume not have it done because I'm sure boys can learn how to properly clean themselves and since so few boys nowdays are getting circ'd (aside from those who do it for religious reasons) the whole "they'll get laughed at" argument is out the window. My husband is very insistant that if we have a boy he'll get circ'd so I told him that if he's so firm on that opinion, he needs to be with the boy the entire time the procedure is being done. He has to insist upon the doctors giving him numbing foam or cream before hand and if the doctor botches the job (which I highly doubt) then he has permission to knock the doctor out.
Got some ice cream, good for you...
How sweet Finn looks in his car seat, did he enjoy the ride?
Great that you can stick with your no-cc decision. I am sure Finn will thank you for it! I think, as long as there is one single man in the whole wide world who joins a support group because of the loss of his foreskin no baby should have to go through this amputation that is irreversible... (for cosmetic reasons!!!)
We didn't do it either, for all kinds of reasons.
On the other side of the story good friends recently had to take their almost 2 year old in. The hole in his foreskin was too tight for the penis to come through, so it was circumcision time for him whether they wanted it or not.
Long story short: he had a bad reaction to the general anesthetic on the table and stopped breathing for a few minutes. They bagged him right away and everything turned out fine.
It was a fluke but our friends - who were anti-c before - are now planning to circumcise #2, should they have one. I certainly won't be judging them or anyone else for their decision.
It really annoyed me when people asked about if we were going to do it to Andrew.
I think it's a personal decision and whatever you decide, you do it for your son - not for anyone else.
Plus, everyone my parents' age (especially my mother in law) works on these old wives' tales and that is their "fact" when they give advice. It's never ending!
BTW - he is just beautiful.
Thank God you left his penis alone. I don't understand how in this day and age people can assume that they own a child's body and it is their body to do with what they see fit. I would be arrested for breaking my child's arm or chopping off his fingers, why is chopping off part of his penis any different? If he wants to be cut later in life (and good god why would he?) then it's his bag. A PERSONAL decision, NOT parental.
Funny enough, AJ's mom beat her sister into the ground about circumcision, told her she was ashamed to be her mother and told her that she did not deserve compassion or forgiveness for what she did (having her kids circumcised), and yet she never once asked us. I completely agree with her assessment of Jess, but I wondered why she never went after US about it? Her answer? "You guys aren't stupid enough to do something like that to your child."
Yep, point taken.
My DH was born in Europe and uncirc'd but he primarily grew up in the U.S. and doesn't want our boy (due next month) to get circumcized. I didn't have to ask 25 guys what they thought, my DH was the only opinion that mattered and if he wants Jr. intact, intact he shall remain.
Something I will never understand is how people can say - 'oh, it's so painful to do when older so you should do it when they are little.' Do they somehow think it's NOT painful to a baby? They just use numbing foam or cream or something? And this is more acceptable than having it done as a grown-up who understands WHY he is hurting and who gets to have real anaesthesia? It's sad to me that just because the baby can't tell you that it's hurting, people think it's better to do as a ONE DAY OLD baby. Plastic surgery on a one day old. Please.
And you know, I got a ton of infections and still do. Should I carve up my hoo-ha to prevent them?
Yeah, TK is not going to be circ'ed either. Can you tell?
I totally agree. Very well said. I would file a report with her supervisor or with the hospital in general. This may help the next lady who has a little boy that she wants to keep intact. Thats harrassment and too bad you had to listen to it the day after your surgery and doped up.
I don't understand someone writing that their friends child had to be done because the penis couldn't come through the foreskin. The foreskin isn't meant to retract until 4 - 5 years of age at the earliest anyway and so what were they doing messing with it?
I really don't get the whole circumcision thing in the USA. Here in Holland it is only done for religious reasons (and I don't really get those either.....) and it really isn't an issue here. I just don't see why you should cut something off a babies body because it's supposedly "cleaner". I just don't buy that. Apparently, many people in the USA will not agree with me....
But then again, our countries differ quite a bit anyway when it comes to a lot of things, like having babies. Giving birth at home and without any medical interventions or drugs is a very common thing in Holland. But before people start thinking we're barbaric or something think about this: 16 weeks of fully paid pregnancy/maternity leave.....
It's a nice thougt. Only 2 more weeks of work for me before my maternity leave starts. I'll be 36 weeks then. And yes, I'm having my baby at home (ofcourse unless something happens beforehand or during labor that makes it nessecary to go to the hospital) and I'm absolutely looking forward to it!
Well, just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading your blog so far and ofcourse a big congratulations on your beautiful baby boy!
hooray for another intact boy!
Good for you to stand up for your son!
Parents:
The boy's foreskin isn't supposed to retract until he is older.
In Europe, (if it becomes a serious problem) there is a cream that doctors use to stretch the foreskin.
But in the US (where everyone is used to circumcision), they just circumcise.
They don't know any better.
I personally think that the only reason the US has any problem with infection of uncirced, is because no-one knows how to properly clean it.
Here in Australia, circumcision is almost non-existant.
I am uncut, and have never ever had an infection. All my friends are the same.
Parents just need to stop going by the word of their parents and myths, and not circumcise.
Every medical institution rejects circumcision, but parents think its ok to still do it!
Look it up yourself. You will be convinced that it is unnecessary.
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