The Stroller Thing
I was at my favorite outdoor shopping center and witnessed a woman with a newborn in a stroller. The baby started that so sweet, so sad newborn cry that rips your heart out and the woman made a shushing sound and pushed the stroller back and forth, then went back to her shopping. The baby cried again and she did the same thing again...shush...push the stroller back and forth...shop. This happened four times total before she finally turned to the stroller to actually sooth her baby.
I'll be honest. The stroller thing. I don't get it.
M. and I are babywearing fanatics. Yes, we do own a stroller, but I think I can count on two hands how many times Finn has actually been in it and he's almost seven months old. To be honest, I love our stroller. It's a luxury beast with incredible suspension, but the only time I use it is when I've been wearing Finn all day and I'm too tired but still want to go for a walk.
I love wearing Finn. I love having him all snuggled up against me. I love feeling him breathing while he sleeps. I love looking down right into his eyes and having him right there with me all the time. Yes, it's hot, and back breaking, but he won't be little forever and it won't be long before he's running ahead of us.
I guess I don't know why, outside of physical limitations, people don't wear their babies. The stroller seems to somehow be the ultimate accessory, some sort of right of passage into parenthood. All it seems to do in my eyes is to reinforce the seperation of parent and child, and in extension the isolation of children from the adult world. We function up at our level and they are kept down at theirs. In their stroller.
posted by Sacha @ 4:52 PM
18 comments
18 Comments:
I felt the same way that you did until August came along. I have so many wraps and slings and carriers, we could seriously have our own babywearing information night in our house. It's almost ridiculous. I had visions of wearing August all the time, taking her for walks through town pressed against me, having her body next to me when I did dishes or tidied up. I debated not even registering for a stroller.
And then she came. And she H-A-T-E-S being worn. I don't know what it is, if it's a body temp thing or a personality thing or maybe something I haven't even thought of, but the girl hates the pouch sling, she hates the ring sling, she /sometimes/ tolerates the moby or the mei tai and oddly enough, the one she will tolerate the longest is the stupid baby bjorn knock-off that I got for free on freecycle and thought we would NEVER use.
And she loves the stroller. She loves to see everything when we walk around the neighborhood (I can get a little more babywearing time out of her now that she can forward face). She loves to be sitting up, even a little bit. She seems to like the rolling motion.
I can't explain it. But I'm glad I ended up registering for that stroller after all.
Some babies just prefer the stroller. My son hated every sling and wrap we tried (about six different kinds in every imaginable variation of position) but loves his stroller. I think it's the vibration, and he likes seeing out now that he's in the big kid stroller. For a long time, the stroller was the only place he'd nap.
But I agree that it seems like the stroller/carseat is much more popular than the sling. I wish my son had liked the sling more; it would have made the early months much easier.
I totally agree...I think strollers are great - for toddlers. For when you need to keep them from running off! Babies I like to see in slings. But as some have said, there are a few babies out there who are not big fans. I personally liked the sling early on for nursing - b/c Edie was doing that constantly. Now I like having her on my back when I'm out and she can see the world and is happy.
Yeah! A babywearing post!
The Hopp is lovely on you (Panama?). Although I'm going to be a wrap-purchasing-enabler and tell you that you *need* to get a beautiful blue wrap (chococabana girasol?). It would look great against your wife's blonde hair and stunning with Finn's eyes! :-) (I have a new local friend who's been "enabling" me as well... I have a Eva Didymos and a Red Leo Storch on its way!).
Wraps, slings and mei tais - oh my! So much fun...
Thanks for the bw-story...
a really well thought out post. i've never thought about adult level/baby level thing before. thank you sacha.
also, saw the good news...congrats on finn's win!
I totally agree...and it is one of the things i'm having to grieve along with many others. On our first visit to see Kate, she was 4 months and 12 lbs and I wore her all over the place (in either a snuggli type front carrier or a sling that a Mayan woman made for me from a hand woven cloth). Kate loved it and I loved it. 3 weeks later I broke me neck and, well, no more baby wearing.
She now weighs 24 lbs and if i were physically able i would totally still be wearing her. I think she might object some but at times she likes to snuggle so and really hates the stroller (can't see me, too removed, i think). It makes me really sad. Maybe i'll get stronger and less in pain with time so that if there is a baby #2 I can wear him/her.
The thing that makes me EVEN CRAZIER than strollers? People who carry their kids around in those car seat thingies. Besides being cold and impersonal, they look REALLY uncomfortable to carry! Why bother when you can take your baby out of the car seat and pop him/her into a sling or carrier?? (If i could carry one of those things, i'm sure i'd be physically able to wear my baby too).
I'm glad you get to bond with your boy this way.
ha ha ha ... "I broke me neck!" i wonder, was it a RED neck? (sorry...the typo placed just so just struck me funny...it's late)
We love our stroller. It's not about separating our baby from ourselves and it doesn't make us less attached to our baby. We often carry her and then use the stroller to give ourselves a break. The stroller is great because she loves seeing where we're going. She's very nosey. And she loves watching the dogs walking beside her. I talk to her on walks and tell her what we're seeing and stop so that she can reach out and touch leaves, flowers, etc. When she was really small, we had it in the bassenette form so that she could see us as we pushed her.
I can't wear her for dog walks. I could when she was little and we had Charlie. But even then, Charlie would make it very difficult to walk with her in a carrier. He would pull or I'd have to bend to pick up dog poop. It was dangerous to have her wrapped on me with the dogs.
And with ice and snow, I don't feel confident walking with a baby wrapped to me. I've fallen too many times that I prefer for the stroller for that kind of weather as well.
The stroller also makes it easier to lug baby gear around. Diapers, bottles, change of clothes, etc. And I won't lie and say that I don't appreciate it for carrying stuff at the mall or other places where we might purchase stuff.
Riley hated the sling when she was little and so did I. I found it annoying but then I think I would've preferred the stretchy wrap kind instead. The Eddie Bauer carrier was fine when she was little but it's awkward and slips down and she's not that comfortable in it.
Honestly, I think it's a choice and I don't believe non-wearing moms are doing their babies a diservice. There are so many times to bond with your baby and walking can still be a bonding time if you communicate with your child and share what you're seeing. I don't believe the baby has to be up against you 24/7 for him/her to be secure, happy and bonded.
I don't like those infant car seats either. Only useful purpose is putting the baby in it during a meal at a restaurant. We ditched ours early on--it's a beast.
Amen sister!
Phine's 14 1/2 months and she's probably ridden in her stroller less than 20 times.
And now she'll come walking up to one of us with the sling in her hands and hold it up for us. So cute!
I know all babies are different, but I'm just glad it worked out that she likes being worn. I hate pushing a stroller around and I like less stuff. I just stick her in the sling and walk out the door.
Now if I could find an Ergo on Craigslist... :-)
I used to use the Baby Bjorn when Mira was really little but the last time I put her in it, she hated it... I've been toying with the idea of buying a new carrier but I'm honestly overwhelmed with all the different kinds - wraps, slings, carriers, etc... I just don't know where to go or what to look for. Mira is approx 20 lbs now so it would have to be something suitable for a bigger baby - and I'd love something front facing since she loves to look around. If anyone has any tips, I'd love to hear them! janet.mayhew@gmail.com
By the way, congrats on Finn winning the contest! :)
Janet
Good discussion.
I do think babywearing is a personal choice but I still don't get why more people don't do it. If one kind of carrier doesn't work, try another. Finn used to cry when we put him in the Moby and then he would settle once we started walking with him. I think everyone with a newborn should have a Moby wrap.
A couple people have mentioned how their babies can see things in the stroller. If that's the maker/breaker on stroller vs. wearing, honestly, babies can see things when they are worn just as well. Finn spends most of his time looking around and I spend a lot of time feeling a bit like chopped liver. Then the best part of his current existence happens...I eat something and I become popular again. Then there's the hip carry, which he's still not big enough for. Oh, I dream of the hip carry because then he won't be twisting around and killing my back. Soon...
Ironically, I find carrying Finn to be so much more convienent than the stroller. Probably because I'm so used to it, and it forces you to be conservative about the baby gear. It's me, the bag and the boy. Good lord, I'd hate to lug that giant monster around. But it has great suspension...
I don't think babywearing is necessary for attachment, but I do think it doesn't hurt. It certainly reduces the impact of going from being all cozy inside the uterus and one with mom to being outside. We all make decisions about how to parent, and attachment is so much more than how a baby is transported. I still think strollers reinforce seperation between mother and baby, but certainly parenting decisions can be made that reduce that impact.
I am truly TERRIFIED of falling with him. I've had a couple bad falls in my past and I'm extremely sensitive to the possiblity that it could happen when I'm carrying him. If I had to deal with ice I might make a different decision on babywearing. Or get some awesome gripping shoes. Or try to get bitten by a radioactive spider so I could get those awesome spidey gripping fingers and toes...
For those trying to figure out where to go with wearing a larger baby, try a woven wrap (we have the Hoppediz) or the Ergo. I love the wrap but may consider an Ergo if we can't master the rucksack carry.
-Sacha
I would have liked to wear Mio. However, I found out the hard way that any pressure on my breasts would result in plugged ducts pronto. Exit the sling, enter the stroller. No regrets.
is there any reason a person can't use a combo? we wore DD in the bjorn and also used her stroller. believe me, arden was never neglected because she was in her stroller.
Thanks for the tips! I did a search online and came across a great website (here in Canada)! I ended up ordering the EllaRoo Mei Hip carrier - see link.
http://www.pookababy.com/ellaroo-meihip.html
Yay!
Janet
I was a bit dismayed to see how quickly you judged the woman with the infant in the stroller. As a new mom, I thought you'd be more apt to give another new mom a break. As other posters have suggested, her baby may not like being worn, etc. Or maybe she just needed a break and was trying to recharge with a little retail therapy. She could have been exhausted but had nobody to rely on for child care so she was still tending to her child while taking some time from herself. I don't think it's a bad thing to NOT wear your baby constantly.
I am the opposite of an attachment parent (a detachment parent!) but I love wearing Beck. It is extremely convenient in some instances and he likes it once we get going - he also tends to cry a little when getting situated in the Ergo or the Moby, both of which he loves to sleep in once we are moving. I HATE carrying the diaper bag and am working on systems for the smallest possible amount of gear to bring. If we are going to be out for a while, it is all about the stroller. Or if we're going a long way. I think it's a very personal decision and agree that you may be judging another mom without knowing her reasoning. As someone with an invisible disease like fibro, I hate knowing that sometimes people think I am being weak or lame or hogging a seat when actually I am in pain. You can't know what's up with people.
But I also agree that more people would probably wear their babies if they tried it because it's easy and good. I've converted at least 3 moms to Ergo users in my moms group and another mom got me going with my Moby. Moms group gets ridiculous with all those strollers in small spaces and it's wonderful not to have to mess with it in large groups. So it's good to spread the word.
Of course I'm judging that mom.
If you don't pick up your crying baby and decide to soothe her or him by shushing, inattentively shaking your stroller and not even glancing down at the little creature, I will give you a break and figure that you don't have the same values that I do.
If you do that four times I will judge.
Retail therapy be damned, fucking pick up your crying baby. Whether you decided to wear your baby or put him in a stroller, crying newborn infants need to be soothed and held by their parents.
So yes, I judge. I don't think it's entirely uncalled for in that situation. It was a tiny newborn. Pick up your damn baby, woman.
M. is going to kill me for this one. Peace, everyone. It's just my pain in the ass opinion that I on occasion present as truth.
In reply to your response to me:
Your post was almost entirely about the woman not wearing her baby and how you didn't understand why anyone would choose to put an infant in a stroller versus a carrier - that's where I thought you were being unfairly judgmental. I, of course, agree that a crying baby should be comforted. I disagree, though, that you should so harshly judge a mom for using a stroller.
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