I'm sick...

I mean snot dripping from my nose, sinus pressure making my face ache, chest tight, every breath burning kind of sick. And I'm up in the middle of the night because this seems to be my latest habit: not sleeping. Grrrrrr. I'm about to go lay on the couch and put the fluffy down blanket over my head and see if I can make my body rest. And I had to call in sick, using up some of my precious sick leave.

I was reading through our old posts. I realized that M. wrote that our donor was going to talk to his mother before making a decision on whether or not to do this. He decided not to talk to his mum because he knew she'd give him a hard time over this. Of course he's heading back to spend the holidays with the fam and we don't have a signed contract yet, so she could still come into play. Luckily his BF will be with him so hopefully there will be no midnight confessions of future donorhood from DtD to his mother.

Is there any real reason to feel this unstable? Not at all. DtD has shown himself to be 100% with us from the moment he agreed. It's me. I'm too undeserving of this. I'm not worthy. My own self hatred drives me to look for failure around every corner.

Only a few more weeks to get through. We should be able to sign the contract the first week of January.