Heterophobia

I've been reading An Accident of Hope and Trista made a comment about being heterophobic.

I have to admit there is part of me that does not want the straight world involved in me and M. making a baby. Our donor is gay and I'm really happy about that. On one level it's easy. We don't have to face his skepticism. He gets it. On another level I like that by having a child and using a gay donor, and planning to keep him as part of our child's life, we are giving that child what neither M., myself of DtD had: a family who will accept said child for whoever he or she is from day one.

Are we willing a gay child by doing this? DtD has queer family members. I have some long lost "maiden" aunts no one talks about. M. has an uncle who committed suicide at the height of the AIDS crisis who was definately gay. Is it genetic? If you subscribe to the 10% theory, isn't it only a matter of time before every family has a homo of their own?

The other question, do I really give a shit? In a way, not really. I want more gay people in this world. It's not a gay person' s fault if the world is an ugly place. It's the world's fault and the only way we can change this is through visibility.

Am I heterophobic? Well, I'm not afraid of straight people but they get on my last nerve some times. I suffer from velvet rage: the constant nagging undercurrent of anger that comes from being assaulted with the subtle messages of "you are lesser" that are thrown at us. My SIL telling M. that she's militant and that she thought M. had "gotten over that". That somehow standing up for your rights is wrong. Her assertion that somehow having a penis involved makes her relationship inherently better. The assumption that we automatically know our place as lesser and freaks, and that by knowing our place we are being respectful.

When straight people understand the plight of gays and lesbians, feel the pain of our fight to be with the people we love, see us as the SAME as them. THEN I will be free of heterophobia. Because at this moment, in this country, with this administration, the straight people in power do have the ability to rip everything away from me. And it is not my responsibility to be understanding toward their plight.

And that's velvet rage.