Contract Day
This is it. By 16:00 pacific we should have a signed contract. There's only one part of the contract I'm worried about: that the boys can't see the baby until the second parent adoption goes through or for two months after the birth. That's there to protect M.'s rights and to give us some space and time to start becoming parents. We just never explicitly discussed that part with DtD so it's the only possible surprise. What they won't know is that our lawyer originally put six months and M. brought it down to two because she couldn't conceive of possibly not seeing our friends for six months. Considering how reticent M. has been at times during this process, they should be flattered.
I can't believe this day is finally here. M. and I knew all along that the risk of known donor was higher but that the payoffs could be incredible. I'm grateful to report that it's been positive so far. Our donor has proven to be more than I thought he could be. He has whole-heartedly embraced Project Baby from day one and never wavered. I keep saying this and I'll say it again: a stellar human being and someone I'm proud to call my friend. If he were in reach right now I would hug him and never let him go.
I keep thinking about being pregnant. About the weight of being responsible for another life. It's overwhelming. Then I push it into the back of my mind because although it's closer than ever before, more real than ever before, it's still a long ways off.
Right now we have to deal with logistics. My period started yesterday, we miscalculated my ovulation last cycle because I was sick. All this means our estimated insem date has been pushed up to potentially within a week of DtD going to the doc. Which means we need those tests back ASAP.
::deep breath::
Time to shower and head to work.
Peace.
posted by Sacha @ 5:00 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
OMG OMG OMG! So excited for you - hope that the official signing goes well. Interesting clause about the 2 month "break" period. Never even thought about that. So glad to have you guys as a resource.
We didn't put anything like that in our contract, because we couldn't stand the thought of pushing our donor out of our life for any period of time after the birth (don't take this as a judgement on you, though, please!) HOWEVER, I did ask him not to come to the hospital the day the baby was born because I didn't want people to congratulate him on the birth (people actually congratulated him on the conception at a party where we announced it -- then looked at me and said things to the effect of "oops, sorry" I let them know that that was a huge faux pas, but he hadn't told us that he was really starting to worry about his "potency" so they were actually congratulating him on his potency rather than fatherhood, but anyway) so I asked him not to be there and then after the baby was born and I called him I felt better about everything and told him he could come the next day. He did and brought us food, and then asked if he could come back the day after that (we were there for 4 days cause of the section) with his girlfriend. Again, I was a little worried, but so blissed-out that I agreed, and was so glad that I did. His girlfriend (we hadn't had a chance to meet her yet) was an angel. They brought more food. And after that he went away. We didn't see him for 6 weeks. Finally we called him to find out what was up and he told us he was giving us space. Really, everytime I start thinking I have something to worry about he proves me wrong. And this is all a really long way of saying that I'm sure you've done just as good a job of picking your donor as we did with ours and that he and his bf will totally understand the clause, and will have probably thought they would do something like that themselves on their own.
Sorry to take up so much space.
Plus, that clause is in there to protect them, as well. Because just in case you two were thinking you would hit him up later with child support (I know you would NEVER, but just bear with me here) if he had spent a lot of time with the baby right from the time it was born, it could look to a court like he was acting like a father and so make him pay childsupport. So really, such a clause is in there for everyone's benefit.
Ok, I'm being annoying. I'll go away now.
How exciting! And as for missing o this round, etc - well, you've read how messed up and nuts everyone first round seems to be. Do your best to take it with a grain of salt - we didn't... but it would have been better to :-)
In DC and MD (don't know about other states) the donor cannot relinquish parental rights until after the child is born. Friends of ours DID let their KD meet the baby the day he was born but only after KD had signed the relinquishment paperwork. That was sufficient for them and their lawyer to show that he was not, nor did not want to be, a parent. The second parent adoption took a couple of months (and in DC would have been longer - you have to wait 6 mo.) but this allowed all of them to have the kind of relationship they wanted.
With a newborn, 8 weeks is no time at all. You'll be amazed at how fast it went, and not even notice that you haven't seen the outside world, let alone friends, the whole time.
Post a Comment
<< Home