Still not signed...

DtD and BF had one clarification and three changes. Everything is still on but it's been a tough night.

The biggest sticking point was the two months. In the contract it says he and his BF will not see the baby under any circumstances until the adoption goes through or for two months. If we wanted to break that part we'd have to put it in writing. He wants to change the contract so we can give verbal permission. We're okay with that.

M. talked to DtD and explained WHY we put that clause into the contract and he understood, but I think he didn't expect us to ask him to step back for a bit to both allow us to become a family and to protect M.'s rights. In his mind we would all be one big happy family on the birth day. We blindsided him and in hindsight we should have all sat down and gone over the contract prior to sending him off to a lawyer to make sure he understood where we are coming from. We very unintentionally hurt his feelings.

So now we experience the downfall of the known donor. Especially the sensitive, caring KD who wants to have children himself someday. Which is why we picked him. It's like we've managed to find the complete opposite end of the donor sperm spectrum. On one end you have the cold, sterile vial of anonymous sperm. On the other end you have DtD who I think would probably coparent if given the opportunity. I know he'll be able to give that up for us but not without some pain. Who wants to ask their friend to purposely hurt himself?

M. said, and she's right, that this may be the only chance DtD has to have a child and we have to work hard to keep expectations clear. DtD has been almost too agreeable throughout this entire thing. Now he's realizing he has some expectations and it's good to get those out in the open before there's a baby to complicate things. We knew going to the lawyer might result in this, and it's really not a bad thing.

He's also starting to grasp how scary this is and how hard it is to do something without having anyone to model off of. At least M. and I have the TTC community and this blog. I call him before Christmas and basically told him this: that we needed to talk regularly because GOOD LORD WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING!!!!! Nothing prepares you to have to make a baby with a third party involved. No one's parent tells them that they will grow up and someday find that nice donor who will give them sperm so they can have a baby.

In a way I'm glad he's finally freaking out as much as we have been.

Next step, thier lawyer talks to our lawyer which costs more money, ::sigh::. And we've come up with a way to rectify our mistake. I'm going to call DtD, sincerely apologize for blindsiding him, and when the new contract comes through we're all going to sit down and go through it like we should have in the first place.

Peace to all and ::hugs:: because we couldn't get through this without you.