The Tests
Believe it or not, it's raining in Seattle. This would not be of note except we usually suffer with drizzle and it seems we've had downpour for months now. Even weathered natives are starting to grumble.
And Calliope has officially ruined chicken soup for me. :)
DtD has returned from the doc. I can't remember if I blogged about the whole doctor business or not. When we first asked him and gave him what he needed to do, it included a visit to the doc for an annual and all the tests. We didn't hear anything for two weeks. Then he calls M. and it turns out he's feeling uncomfortable about going to the physician he most recently visited and saying "I'm making a baby with my friends." One big scramble and a day of research later (including a call to Gay Male Nurse Bob) we found a queer-friendly doc for DtD. Bless his heart.
He officially likes his new doctor. He's told me all about her twice. And we got to grumble about lawyers together. I think we're all sick of lawyers. Now the contract may be signed on Friday by all of us at OUR lawyer's office. At this point the only delay is schedules since we all have such wacky work hours.
The Tests
He's had all the tests we asked him to have done. The next bump in this journey is getting the results back. I guess the HIV test takes longer and if we waited for it, would mean we're not inseminating this month. M. and I discussed.
For several different reasons, DtD has had two HIV tests in the past year. One over the summer. One in October. Both were negative. BF was tested as well and was negative. Additionally, DtD has assured us that he has only been with BF and after spending time with BF, I can't imagine he's doing anything to put DtD at risk.
Based on all this, we're going forward without the HIV test results.
In the meantime, I get to have daily or more phone calls with our boy. And this makes me happy. Now it's off to work.
Peace to all.
posted by Sacha @ 5:39 AM
9 comments
9 Comments:
There are a few things that make me feel okay about our decision.
Firstly, we'll have our current test results in a couple weeks. I fully expect them to be negative, DtD has not indicated that he expects otherwise.
Secondly, I would never consider going forward if he a) hadn't been tested ever before or b) hadn't been tested in a year. But he's had two tests in the last six months excluding yesterday's.
Thirdly, he and his boyfriend get tested annually as it is so there's some accountability in that relationship to start with.
Fourthly, I know DtD is monogamous with his BF. We've talked about this kind of stuff throughout our friendship (gotta love gay guys). I also asked him last night to confirm again that he hasn't participated in any behaviors that would put me at risk.
Lastly, biggest risk factor has been his BF all along, and he was our largest concern. DtD even offered to ask BF to get tested if we wanted (we said no). Since our initial asking we've spent more time with BF and I feel comfortable that he would 1) never hurt DtD by cheating on him, 2) never hurt us by putting us at risk and 3) that he's much more responsible than I had initially believed.
I guess it comes down to trust. We trust these boys. This is the non lawyer, non contract part of the whole thing. Even if we waited for the test and it came up neg, he could have been exposed recently enough to not see the antibodies. There's no way to reduce the risk.
Everything is going to be just fine!
& sorry about the chicken soup. It was something the RE said to me at my 1st insem. :)
We called Sperm Boy's "product" chicken soup, too. Took us a while to eat it again!
OR, they're psycho freaky stalker chicks like me!
Okay, glad to see this post. We did the exact same thing - ran out of patience and tried before getting the test back. I didn't tell a soul because I knew they would be pissed at me, but like you, we know he had been tested fairly recently. Anyway the tests were negative so all is good. But I admit I was relieved when I heard despite not being consciously worried.
What's this about chicken soup? I'll have to go investigate. But we call ours brie cheese because BLECH that's what it smelled like. Now we have become like weird haunted people who smell the stuff everywhere. It's very odd...
Glad you're starting, you guys have been planning this for a while. I am back on the TTC wagon this month too - hopefully in just over two weeks. Maybe we can be cycle buddies!
Hello from New Mexico, ladies. I was glad to see tuala's post/blog etiquette question as I have been wondering the same thing. I was also happy to see your response, M. I just recently discovered this world-o-blogs and am so excited because my partner and I will hopefully be in your shoes in the next couple of years. Thanks for sharing a little bit of your life.
I'm posting this anonymously as it's quite personal.
Please wait, if you possibly can. Our potential donor tested positive to HIV after two negative tests (one six months before insem, one three months before). He had a BF of ten years and had been on the gay scene for close to 20 years. His diagnosis was an incredible shock.
Anyway, please be careful. Luckily his positive test came back a couple of weeks before we were due to start, but it could have been so, so bad.
A happy ending: We got another donor, tried for two cycles and now we have a beautiful nine month old son and a wonderful relationship with his father.
Wow, thanks for sharing anonymous. I agree that it is a risk - I think that's why I felt so relieved about the negative test even though my crazy TTC brain had conveniently overlooked the rational reasons for waiting.
Yeah, it was really crap, actually, esp for the guy who had become very good friends with us.
But the worst part was just realising how bad it could have been. My g'friend could have been infected. I wouldn't want anyone to go through it.
We ended up going with a straight guy.
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