When to Test, or the Art of the Compromise

I find the conversation over at Dos Mamas interesting. It's about when to test, especially when you're the non-TTC partner.

I personally hated testing, which I think makes me a minority in the TTC community. We don't have a billion left over internet cheapies sitting in the house. I think we had a total of two tests when we got our positive - one regular test that was left over and a digital we were saving for when we could actually see it say PREGNANT.

In a way I was happy when we decided that we would just start getting betas. I hated the hope that said "maybe the test just isn't picking the HCG levels yet". I started to understand that a white window was a white window, a negative, and nothing more. The one time we POAS before the beta I spent the entire morning in tears. I needed to hang onto my hope as long as possible because as we continued on our journey, I started being happier in the wait, happier when the hope was alive.

Yes, for us we started to crave the wait and dread the crash. The wait became shorter, more bearable, filled with possibility. Post-wait was just bleak and painful, and we rarely pulled out of our funk earlier than a day or two before out next insem.

I was lucky that M. and I agreed on when to test. She basically let my anxieties drive it, and let me tell you that there were nights that I could not sleep until I got up, POAS and saw the negative.

In some ways it would be nice to have a male, disinterested partner who is trained by society that it isn't his role to be involved in conception and pregnancy. Then it really is all about what mama wants. What do you do when you have two mamas, and in our case, two equally strong, pig-headed mamas?

You figure it out, but it's not easy. And you never stop having to figure it out. It's a constant compromise.