Natural Birth
We go to a support group for new parents once a week and this past week the leader asked one of the newcomers if her birth was vaginal or a c-section. She answered..."natural".
Natural.
As I listened to her, I felt sad for the very first time since Finn's birth. Sad about my c-section. Sad that we weren't able to accomplish the unmedicated vaginal birth we'd prepared so well for. Sad that I had ANY sadness around the birth of our boy.
Now I'm on the other side of the natural birth discussion and I'm starting to understand the weight the word "natural" carries. People use the term "natural" in the context of birth all of the time. I personally have always preferred "unmedicated" because it's a much more accurate and neutral way of stating it. A natural birth is a vaginal birth, which can be accomplished with or without pain medications. And I still hate that my birth wasn't natural, that it was accomplished with a scalpal and the skills of a surgeon.
M. was feeling the same way. There's just an element of sadness around Finn's birth that will always be there. It's part of the experience and part of how he came to us. Most of the time that's okay and every once in a while it's just sad.
posted by Sacha @ 8:19 AM
12 comments
12 Comments:
Yup, we wanted a homebirth and ended up with a c-section - and I had a really hard time getting over that. I was sad, felt like I had missed out and all that kind of thing, even though I knew that there was no other way for us.
The baby is about to turn 2 and occasionally I still feel sad about how she was born. I don't think that feeling will ever go away, but it's not quite so raw anymore.
I'm really hoping for a VBAC with #2 (due in 5 weeks or so), but in the end, I'll do what I have to.
I'm with you - I much prefer the term 'unmedicated.' I also think that it's all natural - it's all childbirth, after all - but I understand your sadness that things didn't go as you'd hoped/planned.
There was an article on exactly this topic in the Oregonian a few months ago that you might find interesting: "Oregon Moms Feel the Push for Natural Birth" http://www.oregonlive.com/oregonian/stories/index.ssf?/base/news/1171081569261300.xml&coll=7
Well if it helps we had a medicated "natural" birth but the doctor did use a scapal to help bring her out and we had to have our doctor there to suction her out. So yes it was "natural" technically but I didn't push her out by myself. If that helps any.
I think everyone has some issues about birth... I have some sadness because our daughter came 5 1/2 weeks early. I was stuck in the hospital for almost a week trying to keep her in. I feel like I missed the end of my pregnancy and got short changed on having her inside me.
Overall, I feel blessed that thru it all we have a healthy and beautiful daughter.
I think maybe it does get a tad better with time. My first thought was, "me too. *sigh*."
My second thought was that self-important, gloating, hurtful bitches like her need a kick in the ass.
Maybe I'm just doing my stages of grief out of order? I'll tell you, though, anger is a lot more empowering than depression.
I never realized what a charged topic birth could be until after we had our son. I chose to have an epidural after about 8 hours of a pitocin induction and I absolutely knew it was the right choice for me, my partner, and our baby at the time...but that didn't stop me from raking myself over the coals for it later. I have no regrets about our son's birth. I do, however, feel that same sadness you described when I talk to someone who had the unmedicated experience I thought I wanted before the whole process started.
I was also going to bring up the Oregonian article the previous poster mentioned - it's a very interesting look at women's experiences during and after birth in the northwest.
For what it's worth, I was awed by your birth story and can't imagine how much strength it must have taken to go through all the different stages of it. I can only hope I would be able to advocate for myself like you and M did during your labor.
Everyone thought I was being unrealistic planning a birth without drugs. Turns out I got almost every intervention I didn't want. Waters broke, no contractions. Syntocin with very little effect. Scalp monitor for the baby. Epidural that wore off an hour after it took effect then finally the c-section. 19 months post birth I still can't believe it happened the way it did. I have nothing but negative memories of my labour and birth-up until the moment they put her on my chest. I am sad it didn't happen the way I wanted it too and I am more sad that the campaigners for 'natural birth' get to make me feel even worse for having the birth i didn't want. I would love to have a VBAC for #2 but I don't think the memories will ever fade enough to let me be that brave!
This is the crap that gets me boiling. I HATE that women make other women feel this way, either for things that unfold unexpectedly or for choices other women make. It seriously makes me rageful. None of you should have to feel that way.
Wow, I never use the word "natural" and have never liked it. I personally am in awe of your strength after reading about your long labor. Yes I had a home waterbirth, but shit it was really short and not that painful, and I think that's just how it was for me not because of anything I did "right" or "wrong" you know? (Other than do what I needed to do to feel safe and comfortable, etc.) We don't get to choose that much about our birth. I am sorry you feel sadness - I would too, because I know how important a vaginal birth was to you and M.
Hi,
First let me say that I'm so very happy for the three of you. I enjoyed looking at the pictures you put up. Thank you for sharing!
Second, I had a c-section. I had placenta previa. My daughter and I would have both died if I didn't have a c-section. I don't think it was unnatural, and I don't feel cheated. I feel extremely fortunate that I had a physician who was looking out for my baby's and my health. We are both here today because of the medical care I received.
Maybe knowing beforehand that I wouldn't have a vaginal birth tempered my regrets if I had any to begin with. I was extremely fortunate to be pregnant in the first place. I would have had any procedure to get her here safely. At any rate, I don't focus much on the way she arrived as much as I do on that she arrived safely. My daughter and I have a wonderful bond that started the moment I saw her and continues to grow and change. (She's now 2 years old)
I think you and M. did a wonderful job bringing Finn into the world. You both should be very proud of yourselves.
Best wishes!
I just wanted to share in your sadness of c-section. I had two of them and you can only imagine how devastated I was when I planned for a natural (which I consider to be no drugs vaginal) waterbirth. I wanted to vbac badly with my second but that was a no go as well. Both girls were breech. You accept it and move on. If you decide to have another child at least you have another go at it. Just wanted let you know that it's very sad but we pick ourselves up and move onward:) It is what it is.
I feel guilty about not wanting a "natural" childbirth. I'm frustrated that there is a campaign against women seeking pain medication and medical intervention when complications arise. I don't find pain or risk empowering. I applaud your thoughtful decision to have a C-Section when it was recommended to you.
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