Rebel, Rebel You Tore Your Dress

M.'s twin niece and nephew were visiting for Finn's adoption. They're almost ten years old and it's interesting to watch them grow up.

One thing that struck me during this visit is that it's clear that my SIL doesn't want her kids to grow up. Instead of being guided toward independence, they are being indoctrinated with all kinds of things that my SIL doesn't want them to do. One thing is tattooes. My SIL hates tattooes and she's drilled it into the kids heads that tatooes are not only gross but somehow immoral.

I think she's giving them a really easy way to rebel against her.

Of course this makes me think about Finn. I think parenting is all about joy and loss. The moment your child enters into this world, you start the process of working toward them leaving you. And for me, part of leaving me is Finn starting to make his own decisions, even if they aren't ones I would make. This means I can't look at parenting as molding Finn into the image I want him to be but letting be who he is.

Really, all I want is for him to be a good person, be healthy and make mostly responsible decisions. I don't care what color his hair is, or what parts of his body he pierces, or if he has a tattoo. Those seem like such trivial concerns next to him having empathy and kindness.

Well, I do want him to have good table manners. Imagine, pink hair, piercings but asks to be excused after dinner. That sounds perfectly nice to me.