Q&A Part III

Where were you (Sacha) from before Seattle? (If anywhere)?
I grew up in Klamath Falls, a town in Southern Oregon from age 3.5 to 18. My family moved back to Washington State the day after I graduated from high school.

How often to you plan to see DtD when the baby comes?
Given our schedules and life in general, I think we'll see DtD and BF every few weeks once things calm down. That's about how much we saw him prior to Project Baby. We also have already told him we'll need some alone time with baby after the birth and he knows he'll need to back off. Truthfully, how often we'll see each other is one of the great unknowns in this situation.

Can you say more about his fantasy, versus your reality, contract, and agreement?
Yikes, this is a hard one. Here are some examples of DtD's fantasy:

• When I first asked DtD his initial response was that we'd have to talk about it and figure out "visitation and other stuff." I immediately told him that we didn't want a coparent and there would be no visitation.
• When we had the talk where he said "yes" he asked about his mother seeing the baby, stating that he might want her to see her "grandchild". He also referred to himself as "the father". We explained to him that he would be the donor.
  
• When we put together the contract there was a sticking point on our intention to prevent DtD from seeing that baby for two months after the birth. We found out he'd expected to be present at the birth.
  
• DtD talks about the future a lot and when he does he puts us all there. Me, M., BF, himself and the kids. This is what I call Big Happy Gay Family.
  
• He has stated that he's creating an alternative family.
  

Our reality: In a way DtD has changed our reality. When we started Project Baby using a known donor I think I thought it would be all about the kid and giving the kid that connection. Because of DtD's Big Happy Gay Family approach, I'm realizing that we're going to get something out of it as well. I can't see exactly how it's all going to turn out but we really are creating an alternative family. There are still some unmutable expectations we have brought and those are reflected in the contract. We will be the sole decision makers for the child. We will decided whether or not DtD sees the child or not. We have also obligated ourselves to send him pictures and updates in the event that we do decide to withdraw contact. He will never refer to himself as the father or the child as his child. He has agreed to give up all his rights and that M. and I will be the parents. We have no obligation to have the child go to DtD and BF in the event of our deaths.

I still think DtD expects to be involved a little more than we expect him to. But I also think we'll all be able to figure this out and it will be clearer when that baby is here. Both M. and I are learning about being flexible. And we always have the inflexibility of that contract to fall back onto if we need it.

What do DtD and BF stand for?
He he. DtD stands for Dick the Donor, since his dick is truly the donor is this situation. BF is Dick the Donor's boyfriend.

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More questions?