Do not go gently into motherhood
After three hours of community meetings and being so hungry I thought I might devour M.'s down jacket, I'm flippin' tired and waiting for M. to finish watching TV so I can snuggle up with my sweetness. So I'm blogging.
I don't like many people. This is evidence by the fact that I have four IRL friends (BFF KK, DtD, kick ass neighbor A. and cool new friend J.). I love all four of these people and don't need anyone else but them.
With impending Future Child I feel like there's all this pressure to start connecting or liking people just because they have kids. Even before we actually have one, or even one on the way. M. is hopeful that we'll find all these new friends once we have baby wipes and diapering techniques to discuss. I just feel like I'm going to be subjected to more people who irritate me. All of the sudden I'm going to be expected to go out with the other mommies to have pedicures, to talk about only the kids, to lose my intelligence, my concern about justice, my passion for politics and my empathy for those who suffer.
I feel that I'm expected to dwindle into a mother. Yet being a mother is one of the most powerful things a person can do. And that is the rub.
I will not go gently into motherhood. Because I am afraid that if I accept this change without challenging it I will lose myself in the process. I can only hope I will find a new self and the balance that I need.
posted by Sacha @ 11:25 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
I don't see motherhood as being a dwindling. In fact, all those things you're worried about losing will INTENSIFY. Yes, yes, there are people who will look at you and see only a mommie, and yes, for the first few months you will be so tired that your brain will be addled, but those people are WRONG and those months will pass. You will make more connections, but that's because your child will be an individual with social needs as well as an inability to drive, so s/he will rely on you to help make those connections happen. But just because you come into contact (even daily social contact) with more people doesn't mean you have to like them. Of course, you may just find that you DO like them, that there are cool mommies out there (umm, hello? Me? The game plan is still on to move to your neck of the woods...), that your child has excellent taste in people.
And frankly, if you're not a person who goes for pedicures NOW, there's no way in hell you're going to manage to create the time to get them after you try to stuff so much more into the same limited amount of time, so no worries there...
Your 4 friends thing cracked me up! I think I am kind of similar, and having kids really hasn't changed that all that much. Now that our son is 3, he is in pre-school and so we talk with pre-school parents, but our main friends and interests haven't changed all that much. If anything, having kids makes me feel much more passionate about social justice issues.
These are all my own issues. I'm not a person who takes to change lightly or easily.
I'm just scared about the implications of parenting. Will I have to stop being my sarcastic bitchy self? And if I do, what is left?????
And, Trista, you will always be the coolest mommy.
I am going to start the Trista & Sacha Fan Club.
You remind me of so many things about myself, Sacha....I really had no intention of toning down my sarcastic bitchy self (well, perhaps some of my language, but as a teacher, I'm used to that!) once I have kids.
The role models of motherhood on the Internet....well, who ever would have thought. Thanks, all of you.
I agree that it is good to challenge yourself. Motherhood can sweep you away from other passions, which is good and can be bad (I have found my professional advancement has slowed to a stop which is both totally ok with me and sad.)
But you will find that you can find other mommies who share your passions, and you can talk about breast milk poop and social justice in the same sentence.
Don't worry about searching any of this out beforehand though. I was always worried that I was one step behind...
while pregnant I was obsessed w/ pregnancy and like, holy shit I have read nothing about parenting, then I am up on all the baby stuff and thinking, crap, now I have a toddler. But you manage, and research and meet people in similar phases. This will happen, I have no doubt.
If you need more community you will get more community...
and I can't imagine that you will loose your smart sassy self to motherhood, because you will have a smart sassy kid to keep you on your toes.
"I'm just scared about the implications of parenting. Will I have to stop being my sarcastic bitchy self? And if I do, what is left?????"
James is nearly two, and I'm still worried about this one. His birth didn't make me stop being sarcastic and bitchy, but now that he's verbal? Shit. (I mean crap. I mean darn. Don't use bad words, sweetie!) Imitating my favored modes of communication will get him kicked out of preschool, for sure.
So, the Internet is my friend. And talking politics IRL is still really easy, esp. with friends I had before parenting who have now spawned as well. It is very possible to talk about poop and Shrub in the same sentence.
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