Staring at the White

We're negative. I've vowed to never, ever, ever pee on a stick again. I'm tired of the sticks. I'm tired of staring at a window of white. We're both tired of this whole thing.

It's been a hard day.

We cried this morning. I cried at the doctor's office and Angela the lab lady gave me a hug. Cried during acupuncture. Almost cried at the mall. M. and I are both tired of crying.

My body has finally performed the ultimate mind fuck. I didn't think it could be done. I'm sitting here with aching boobs, no spotting, no period and STILL NOT PREGNANT. Amazing. Sometimes it feels like the world is pushing us, heaping on the pain and all we can do is bend under the weight then try to stand up as tall as possible.

On a good note, seems our STAT beta cost us $3.28. I'm going to have them every day if they're that cheap.

What's next. The dreaded C word...Clomid. I've scheduled an appointment to talk with my doc about going on either Clomid or Femara. And we have everything lined up to be able to do an IUI next cycle if the timing works out AND if my liden factor V comes back negative. Timing is an issue because the clinic is only open M, T, R and F. Blah blah blah BLAH.

We're going to a movie because we need to escape tonight. Then to the nursery tomorrow. Tuesday we'll celebrate the 4th with my parents. Then we get started on number eight.