Managing the Risk of Family
Well, round seven has dropped. Quite early, actually. My cycle is stubborn...it wants to be nice and short, so since I'm extending out my luteal phase with progesterone, it's decided to ovulate earlier. Ha.
Family stuff blew up in our face yesterday. We were looking forward to a nice Monday alone so we could work on the bills and the yard. But NO.
I've blogged about M.'s insensitive sister, the one who got mad because we told her EIGHT year old daughter the truth about us when she asked if M. was married. Nevermind that M.'s sis had plenty of opportunity, eight whole years of opportunity, to have that discussion but never bothered. She also thinks that her disfunctional relationship is superior to ours because it includes a penis.
M.s' sis is moving out of the country with our niece and nephew in a few months and we probably won't see the kids for a long time. M. calls her dad for father's day yesterday and finds out that not only are the kids up here in WA state and no one told her, her sis has been and gone and never bothered to call.
Hurtful beyotch.
So we are going see the kids today.
Family can be so hurtful sometimes. Ours loves us and we know that, but there are moments where they remind us that we will never be 100% respected in their eyes. If M. were straight her sis wouldn't be so hurtful and we could probably see the twins without M.'s mother being a chaperone.
I wish there was a way for families to see the pain they cause: a meter, or a mark on our skin every time they hurt us. Because it really sucks.
posted by Sacha @ 7:54 AM
10 comments
10 Comments:
so sorry for the hurt
OMG. I am sorry but I have trouble having any compassion at all for family mambers like that. If you are a huge homophobe, fine, but get your ass to a PFLAG meeting so you don't do irreparable damage to your queer family member.
And feeling like you are somehow dirty or tainted or a bad influence on children, well, it just makes me want to hit that woman in the face. Sorry. It just makes me soooo mad. You two are such beautiful people, any child is lucky to have y'all in his or her life.
Yeah. I echo your thoughts...I have stuff with my family that is and isn't similar...but I do know exactly what you mean about never being quite equal. It sucks.
You know what? Keep on reminding us straight people what youhave to go through. Since I until recently just didn't happen to have many gay friends, and being the accepting person that I am, I tend to often have the attitude of, "huh? In *this* day and age? You're kidding!". And I know that keeps me from being more "out" with my feelings, that I rashly thought everyone had, that gay and straight people are absolutely equal and should unblinkingly receive the same rights. That if everyone could just take their heads out of their butts, there would be no difference between a gay and straight "lifestyle", and therefore no need of having or avoiding that uncomfortable conversation with a child. I know I'm not expressing myself well, I'm just so mad! In any case, my daughter is going to grow up knowing that family are the people who love you, and that the only reason you should care if a couple are male, female or both is to get it right on their anniversary card.
And how much does is suck that you can't get legally married, but you *can* have nasty in-laws?
Sacha,
OMG, I can totally relate, does M's sister know mine? They must be exchanging notes, at the very least.
It took my sister a long time to come around, and initially, she didn't want to leave her children around me, because you know all gays and lesbians are also pedophiles! Who knew? I never got that memo!
Additionally, our nephew on Dawn's side, Antonio, asked us Friday night, if Dawn was a boy or girl, he has asked her a few times in the past, it was funny to me, because I just thought, this child is 7 and so hooked on gender identity through clothing-I should tell Kwynne, she will get a hoot from that. Anywho, my partner is butch, but she has huge boobs, so you can't help but see she is a girl. He says I think she is a girl, then he says I know you are, then he goes and tries to say something and hesitates, I gradually get it out of him. He says, if you're a girl and she is, how come you call each other hon and babe? I said because we like each other, he said like friends, I said no, then he scrunched up his nose. He said like what then? I said ask your father. I told Dawn's brother this via a text message, and he never replied. I don't care if they're offended, etc., because we've been together for 6 years, they've had time.
Family are very cruel at times, my dad has called me a freak at times, and once told me my blood was bad, I said well it must come from your side because his nephew Charlie is gay, so there you have it, then I told him he might like a pole up his ass, how does he know if he hasn't tried it?
If we ever do have a child-which seems like never now-I won't be one of those pink and blue moms, there are other colors out there. And if my boy wants a doll, he can fucking have one.
Okay I am off my soapbox, sorry for the experience, but just know, you don't need the negativity, what is sad, is that she is projecting that to her children.
Hugs to you guys!
I so know the feeling of family we love to hate. As we are TTC I am staying pretty closed mouth with my side of the family, but she is dying to share it. The mixed reaction is a bit hurtful, but she is really feeling the need to share especially since we are so far away from our families.
God that so sucks. I want to exclaim that I can't belive it, but I can. Oh how I can. We just watched Torchsong Trilogy last night and at the end when Arnold's adopting that kid and Arnold's mom is reacting very badly to it and Arnold gives her that speech that the only things he needs from people are love and respect and if she can't give that to him then he's got no space for her in his life... and how the words are brave, but the scene is so messy and ambivalent.
how cruel.
families can just suck sometimes.
I am so so sorry.
but AM so glad for 007!!!
Hey Sacha!
This is your childhood friend, Traci. I'm so happy for you and M. and the love you share. I am sorry you have to endure such pain from the people who are supposed to be your support. But I know you. You are super strong. You always have been. God bless you, Sacha. I think of you often.
It's so shitty when our families act like that. ((hugs)) Take care!
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