Getting My Freak Out On
Pregnancy is supposed to kick all your protective systems into gear. You develop an intense protective sense of paranoia. Your body warns you against things that could hurt the baby by heightening your sense of smell. Maybe in the days of hunter/gatherer this would have been highly useful. I'm still trying to figure out why my body decided CAT FOOD was of extreme danger all the way through the first trimester.
So WHY does pregnancy make a person prone to public crying fits and emotional overreactions? What is the benefit of me, normally strong, resiliant ME, standing in a parking lot bawling because someone stole my hat? I have absolutely no emotional reserves left and zero ability to cope. How does this help the Unnamed One? Does he really gain something from having a mother who is a complete basket case all the time?
It's a long haul to some sense of sanity. Sometimes I just feel I'm one tiny step from falling into the abyss. I'll be honest: it's hard. Maybe one of the hardest things I've ever done.
And I'll put up with it, do my best, know that this crazy, crying heap of a human being is not really ME. Because it's so amazing to feel our son move, to watch M. as she feels him kick, to imagine finally having a family.
I don't want anyone to think that I'm not eternally grateful to be where we are.
I just don't want to pretend this a cake walk.
posted by Sacha @ 6:45 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
I was reading your post and I thought omg I remember that - when I was pg with Aidyn I used to get so upset over things that in the big scheme of things were not really all that important - and then jody used to tell me not to stress or get upset because it wasn't good for the baby and then I used to cry more and apologize to the baby - what a mess I was. I guess all I can say is I have been there and at this point I evenwant to go back.
A cakewalk? Bwahahahahaha. Unless by "cakewalk", you mean, a near-constant desire to walk to somewhere there is cake. Or to send someone else walking to find cake.
Pregnancy is hard on the body and the mind...after all, the mind *is* part of the body, and you can't flood the body with that many hormones without it making your brain crazy sometimes! I know you probably don't feel like yourself, but relax, you're still in there! Don't worry about the baby...crying is actually better than holding it in, and what's the worst that could happen, that your little boy could somehow absorb the fact that people are allowed to be strong and still cry sometimes?
Go get yourself a nice pack of soft tissues for the inevitable crying jags, a bottle of eye drops, and have a little snack. Gestating a child is one of the hardest things a body can do, so go easy on yourself! {{hugs}}
Ah emotional breakdowns are fun! I too am crying way too easily and I'm already overly sensitive as it is. Fun!!!
I think pregnancy is one of the hardest things ever. I really DID NOT enjoy being pregnant and I was in labor for 4 days and had to push for 3 1/2 hours (unmedicated).
But being on the other side I'm really proud of having done it and there's nothing better than finally meeting your baby.
Ooh ooh... I have a theory...
I get the impression that you are such a strong person, S, that you may not accept help from others as frequently it's offered. Perhaps your mind/body are making you more vulnerable right now so that you can accept help as it comes to you.
I may be off-base here... but the intent is positive!
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