The "wife"
Tomorrow we go to perinatalogist #2. In order to give him the entire picture, we picked up our a copy of a my records from BHOI so we can take them to our appointment. M. and I noted a little something interesting....
M. and I refer to each other as wife because that's what we are. Seems that's not really enough. Although we don't say "partner", in most of my records M. is referred to as partner/wife. But my most favorite of all, I mean the one that reminds me how far queers still have to go was when I saw M. referred to as "wife".
Ahem? "WIFE"
M. is not my wife because I said it. It's not quaint. We're not being cutesy. It's not a quotable moment. It's REAL. We have a REAL certificate to prove it. She is legally my wife. And while our marriage may not be recognized by our own government, that doesn't negate it.
I can't tell you how much I want to wave the shrunken copies of our LEGAL marriage certificate from Vancouver, BC at any of our next appointments. Or I could introduce M. as my wife and quickly add..."...and she's actually my legal wife, not my partner, so please just write down wife."
So we still have a ways to go, which reminds me why it's so important to use the words that reflect what we truly are to each other. WIFE. Eventually we'll get to the point that the term will be used without quotes.
posted by Sacha @ 1:23 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Dude, I totally hear you. And so many people just don't get it.
Jen is my wife. We have documents. We're proud of our documents. The other Christmas, my BIL referred to me as Jen's partner and I got bristled because yes, we're partners, but that's not the word WE use. And I actually lost a friendship because a (straight) friend told me I was being ridiculous and oversensitive for being upset about the words someone was choosing to label me.
ARGH! So ridiculous and I hate that someone wrote "wife." Oh my god, I am spitting nails.
I had a doctor once in Ohio a couple of years ago who was asking the requisite safety questions (seat belts, smoking, safe sex, etc.) and when I told her I wasn't using BCPs because I had a female partner, wrote "GAY" in big capital letters in my chart. I fumed.
"Eventually we'll get to the point that the term will be used without quotes."
Yes, when people get their "heads" out of their "asses". Partner always sounded to me like you had a law practice together or were square-dancing.
Next time pay the bill with a "check" ;) Hang in there!
I am so looking forward to being able to call Karen my wife at last following our civil partnership on Feb 9th! And looking forward to being a Mrs myself. Karen's still going to refer to me as her partner, as she's not so comfortable with saying wife herself, but luckily we're both OK with each other's positions on it all.
Marriage, as a whole, is so often trivialized in our country. I always found it ridiculous how the words "partner" and "spouse" are often used synonymously in heterosexual marriages, yet “partner” seems to be the overwhelming, socially recognized label for gay and lesbian marriages.
The discrimination is infuriating.
While I agree marriage is a partnership, the official designation of it shouldn’t be qualified by gender. Guy/girl, guy/guy, girl/girl – marriage is marriage and I can only hope that the recognition of that infiltrates the mindset of this country so you and M. no longer have to face a similar experience in the future.
I am legally married to my partner(we are canadian), and I hate the term wife. It is so heterosexual, and smells of ownership. We are equals in this relationship and the words that we use to reflect our relationship to each other should put us on equal footing. Non-gendered, non-homo or non-herterosexist. Perhaps we have to come with a new vocabulary, in the meantime my lovely, married-to, lady-friend is my partner and that is the way I like it.
Post a Comment
<< Home