Raised by Girls
Sometimes it takes some time to recognize a subtle undercurrent. You know there's something that bothers you and it nags at you until one day you have a "light bulb" moment and you figure out what's been bothering you.
It's taken me a while to figure it out, but I've come to realize that my parents are concerned about Finn being raised by girls. They see him as belonging to the Culture of Men (ugh, WTF does that mean???) and having two moms will make him weak and soft. This is why every time they see our boy, my mother somehow ends up shoving him into my father's arms.
But the kicker. I mean the real icing on the cake...
My father is now informing us on what terms of endearment we should use for our boy. I've been told that I shouldn't call my son "sweetness" and instead he should be called "bucko".
Bucko?
I'm sorry, but Finn is being raised by girls. And he will benefit from it. We are committed to help him understand his emotions and develop compassion. We hope being raised by girls will help him escape some of the pressures that are created by this damn "Culture of Men" that tells men that they can't feel, or stay at home with their kids, or cry. The Culture of Men that gives a crap-ass blue print for how one can "be a man".
I'm sure other lesbian parents face this subtle undercurrent that tells you that you are somehow unqualified to raise a child of the opposite sex.
It's three months into the rest of our lives and I'm already tired of these unspoken judgements. And I know they won't stop. Welcome to lesbian parenthood.
posted by Sacha @ 6:46 AM
10 comments
10 Comments:
OMG I totally agree with you!! That is BS. At least we can thank all the lesbians out there rising boys for the fine young man with manners and emotions that will be one day dating and maybe marrying the thought up girls of other lesbians. I can't tell you how much I admire the boys that have emotions and can speak them. We need more of them and we also need to stop feeding the stereotypes of the 1800's. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Our boys have feelings too.
Since I studied psychology and have seen countless studies that show preference of manners for gender. I think it stinks. I saw this research video conducted where a baby (remains genderless) was dressed all in blue. The people brought in to interact with this baby were rough and loud with the baby assuming it was a boy. Same baby dressed all in pink with the same people and they were soft spoken and gentle. We never found out what the gender of the baby was because that's not what was important.
It's also NOT what is important here. Stick to your guns ladies. You are doing a fine job!!!
LOL Bucko? Thats a good one hehe... You just wait- your little Finn will grow up to be a superbly, well-rounded, caring man who stands up for his mamas like a big boy!
Bucko....oy vay! I'll have to start calling my daughter that to stir the gender pot a bit.
We recently had an ad out for a babysitter on craigslist for Mariska where we had mentioned we were a two-mom household. Someone responded that they hope she doesn't grow up to a manhater, "for after all, she came from one." Seems lesbians can't be trusted to raise boys or girls, eh??? We either make sissies or mathaters??
Dude, society and their ignorance is just insane!
Since my daughter steals toys from the boys and makes them cry I am probably ill-suited to be raising a girl. ;-)
I actually think parents of boys have it so much harder because of societal pressure to conform to gender norms. Then again, I give snotty answers when people are bold enough to chastise me for how I dress Hannah (I've said to more than one person "maybe she'll accidently be overpaid when she grows up").
Bucko... good grief...
I TOTALLY know what you mean! I think my "openminded" brother was so worried that we wouldn't know what to do with a boy! Puh-leese. I don't buy into the boys need male crap around them stuff. Our little boy will have a few uncles, but he's going to have 2 mommies. Plus, we are both bringing different likes to the family, I like sports and Lois like cooking. Our boy will get a little of everything and he's going to be just fine.
Funny thing we always joke about is when we see a ton of straight guy daddies at the mall and think "OMG - people are worried about us having children!" Like having a dad, even if he stinks, is better for a little boy than having 2 mommies.
"Bucko". Sheesh. poor kid. I envision Roy Rogers standing next to his horse tapping some kid on the head. "Great job Bucko!" or "Sport" or whatever testosterone induced word could be used.
My straight sister got that because she's single and living with my mom and baby sister. So as a joke , my nephew's blog nickname is the Manly Nephew. He is so stereotypically boy in most respects except for his love in walking in heels!
Well now, don't you know that if you treat him too kindly his penis will drop off? What, you didn't know that? I'm sure they had a unit on it in nursing school. Also the part about how too much girliness will turn him gay.
*headclutch*
-Rachel from RC
Funny, my husband and FIL call my son "bucko" and I hate it.
Sadly, most of the boy-related questions are coming from lesbians! We've now been asked many times if we are going to have some male influences in the boy's life. WTF? Would someone ask a single mom that question? It's frustrating, so we try to joke about it. My wife's sister is really tough (went to military college, loves to wrestle and get dirty) so we joke that she is our male influence. Ha!
I had it all planned out the my Dad would be our sons "male role model" but he passed away when Caeden was only 13mo old. I started to panic a little but realize now that I was worrying for nothing. He is now almost 3 and plays with his cars almost obsessively! He has a multitude of different types of toys. He does love to push his baby (who he named Pinky) in the stroller but only for a little while and then it's back to cars and BuzzHat(aka Buzz Light Year and Woody from Toy Story).
I am also a Nanny and the little girl(7) I take care of (despite all the effort from her mom) only like boys things...no pink, no pig tails, no girly stuff at all. Our kids will be who they are regardless, sometimes, of what we give them or want them to be!
On the other hand if I have to correct my brother again when he says something like "boys don't wear pink"...I might pull my hair out. He means well...but yeah...um...no thanks!
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