Sibling
It's strange because before Finn came along I was firmly in the camp of two children...or maybe three. Now that he's here, I'm quite surprised how reluctant I feel about having a second child.
I have one sibling. M. has three but she's a second marriage baby, so we consider her to be an only child. I think it was good for me to have a sibling so from a child'd point of view, I'm all for another kid.
From my point of view as parent it's surprisingly different. There's part of me that is already mourning that I won't be able to give 100% to Finn for the rest of his life.
We're going to have a second child. M. wants to be pregnant. I know it's good for Finn. I also know I'll probably get to the point where I too am ready for a slightly bigger family. At this moment, though, it feels oddly sad to think of making three into four. I'm glad we won't start until next October so at least we'll have next summer with just the three of us.
posted by Sacha @ 10:54 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
I completely feel your pain. We are undecided about another child. I am an only child and my husband might as well be. I love giving Reagan all my attention, seeing all her firsts. Part of me is sad, too, knowing I may never see another "first" from another baby.
Good luck!
I feel very similarly even though we don't even have one yet. And for me, there's a selfish element too - I just can't imagine coping with an infant/toddler duo or trio and I don't want to be parenting into my 50's which rules out a bigger age gap.
And I hear stories about only children...some of them loved it, others felt a huge sense of loss / loneliness as kids.
And some days I imagine getting addicted to babymaking and ending up with 10 bubs!
i can totally relate! our daughter is 21 months old and the older she gets the more sad i get thinking about having another that will inevitably take away from her. i know it will be good for her but selfishly it makes me sad. everything is so perfect for us with 3, i know another will be more challenging and time consuming and it makes me anxious. i am positive that once the wee one is here i won't be able to imagine life without her/him but i feel a good bit of anxiety when i think about it too much.
Your reluctance is not big deal... it's just biology's way of helping you space your children. Imagine if you were the only childbearing woman in your marriage... you wouldn't really want to start thinking about TTC again, right? Right?
Bree
I am going through the exact same thing right now. We are inseminating today, actually, in our attempt for #2, but even as recently as last night, I was questioning whether or not it was going to be fair to Sam (our 11 month old). I don't want him to lose any of the love and attention he receives right now. It took the reassurance of my partner, Lara, to convince me that it really WAS ok and that it was normal to be feeling this uncertainty. Put in her terms, "And you think he loves Big Bear? (one of his stuffed animals that he absolutely adores) wait until you see him playing with his little brother or sister." Reassuring words and it made me realize that, by making a bigger family, we would only be gaining in love, not subtracting from it...
Some people go through those feelings. It's completely normal. Finn is still really young so you might feel differently later on. And you will always have enough love, attention and time to give to your children. I grew up as an only-child until I was 10 and I LOVED having a sibling added to the family. It's all I wanted for sooo long. I love being alone but there is something special about having a sibling around. I think trips and stuff like that would've been great with a sibling to hang out with.
We are really looking forward to #2. Yes, it will mean Riley sharing the spotlight, but it will also mean more people in our family to love. It'll be wonderful to see her as a big sister. :)
Felt the exact same way... with our first, all I wanted was to give myself completely to her, yet we wanted her to have a close sibling. We started TTC again when she was 7 months old...wanted to space them close together... got pregnant when she was 9 months old. Sometimes it has been very difficult, feeling the pull from two little hearts of these wonderful girls we have... but surprisingly it has enhanced and magnified our family like we couldn't imagine.
Our littlest is 4 months and already I want another. I think it is their way of seducing us... the babyhood is so fleeting and magical!
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