The Baby Factory Magical Mystery Tour

I'm going to call Bigger Hospital of Interventions what it really is: The Baby Factory. If we could seriously consider The Baby Factory it would open up a lot more options for us.

This is why when I called them yesterday and found out they had a tour of their birthing suites starting at 7:00 pm I busted my ass to get out of work early enough to be able to take it. I'm really glad we did because it reinforced that The Baby Factory is not going to be a workable solution for what we want.

Firstly, the tour guide had the personality of a wet mop and the attitude that The Baby Factory was going to grace us with its superior medical care. At one point, after she had gone over the important point of how you can move the bed up and down, complete with demonstration, I had the audacity to raise my hand and ask an actual important question...do they have telemetry so a woman in labor isn't trapped in the bed? She snapped at me that she was "getting to that".

Clearly questions aren't really allowed at The Baby Factory. But I can handle bad attitudes. That wasn't the breaking point.

Then someone asked if they would have to have an IV. Her answer was that you certainly could refuse one but you would be harassed and pressured if you made that choice about your care. She said you COULD have your doctor write an order for no IV, but it was a nursing decision and they like IVs. She then went on a diatribe about all the reasons you would want an IV.

Again, I can handle this. I'm a fucking NURSE , after all, and I love IVs myself. In a hospital the worst thing that can happen is to have a patient crash and have no access.

What about eating, I piped up when it was indicated questions would be allowed. Well, they don't really allow it. If you have anything beyond a birth with absolutely ZERO interventions, you will be on ice chips only and maybe some gummy bears, "if you get lucky". Then the tour leader launced into another lecture about how women in labor really won't want to eat anyway.

Ooooookay...still not the end of the world.

What did it? They don't allow you to bring in a labor tub. That might be okay if you weren't a big girl and if their jacuzzi tubs weren't too small for you. As a matter of fact, when I asked the question, the leader scoffed at the concept and announced to the group that no one in the area that SHE knows of allows outside labor tubs. I mean, what IDIOT would want some woo woo concept like a fucking labor tub? Really? I immediately piped up that they certainly do at Big Hospital of Interventions and M. then added that they are also allowed at HMO Up the Hill.

So The Baby Factory is out. I feel if we went there we would be making a decision that would mean that we would definately have the interventions we're attempting to avoid. We'll get good prenatal care no matter where we go, and I feel that Big Hospital if Interventions is going a very good job managing my hypertension well.

And the cherry on top of the sundae? I called Big Hospital at 10:30 last night, directly to labor and delivery. I talked to a very nice nurse who confirmed that YES, they do allow labor tubs, that I will be able to eat unless I get an epidural and even with an epidural, it will be clear liquids and not only ice chips. A much, much better experience compared to The Baby Factory.