for fun

The World Will Go On

Sacha and I had a lovely visit with my parents this weekend. They have questions. They have concerns. But, they will be ok. They love us and will love our child. My mom even talked about "when baby comes." We're thrilled!

There's something about telling your parents of your TTC plans that makes it all feel so real.

I feel my stress level beginning to decrease after having made it past that major hurdle.

Now, we just have to tell Sacha's family.

Having cake and eating it...

M. is wound up about her mom's reaction to our NEWS. I'm not sure if it was a negative reaction and we glossed it over and made it sound better in our heads at the time, or it was neutral and we're making into something horrible as we discuss it over and over.

No matter, it wasn't the wonderful, positive reaction we deserve.

Whatever her process is in dealing with us becoming parents, we can't help her any more. We've made our decision and nothing will change it. It's time for her to go and talk to other parents who love their lesbian daughter. To other people who have grandchildren who are being parented by same-sex parents.

It's time to just love us.

Anxiety Scarf and Porn

Our household is HIGH anxiety the past couple days. As a result, I have knit almost an entire scarf. It's green and nubby.

Good news though. M. has told her mum that she's going to be a grandma. And the entire world didn't collapse. I was seriously worried. We had to spend several hours discussing how to do it and what to say. A script was developed. M. hid under the covers of the bed for a bit. Then it was time. Outcome? Mum has questions. Mum has concerns. Mum still loves us.

Whew.

One thing checked off the list. What's next.

::shiver::

DtD.

Oh yay...

I have to pee. Never knew I could be so excited about emptying my bladder. Off to see if I've ovulated.

To know or not to know...

Okay, since M. has decided to publicly angst about our donor considerations, I'm chiming in.

I'm the known donor person. I think it's the best for the future child to have complete tranparency to the entire process. To be able to normalize how future child came to being, how future child was a well-thought out decisions made by his/her mommies and how our friend...

(friend will hence be known as Dick the Donor since M. turned down the nickname Mr. Super Sperm)

...how our friend, Dick the Donor (DtD), helped mommies make a BABY.

Contimplating using DtD is requiring a lot of long, long, painful and long conversations. Did I mention painful? Oh, I did. Extended intro to bring you to the best part.

While we were discussing said issues over dinner last night, Dick the Donor CALLED. It's a sign. In the least, it made us laugh.

The alien has invaded

I have let M. take over the blog for a couple days. The alien has taken over. The alien says "that is not nice."

So how is life going? It's good. Except I'm in the middle of the fucking obnoxious follicular phase. Yes, I'm calling it the follicular phase just to be really obnoxious because that's the kind of mood I'm in.

This means I have to check my mucus and drink lots of water and take vitamins and we're doing OPTs 2x / day (M. says it's OPK but I like OPT (ovulation prediction test...because then I can sing it...I'm down with OPT, yeah you know me....)

INSANITY!!!!!

Will this ever feel normal? Am I ever going to feel normal again? Probably not. Because if this actually works - Project Baby - our lives will be turned upside down by a wee one.

The List

I guess it's good that we're spending so much time with this decision. It's a big one.

Here's my list of pros and cons for known and unknown donors in no particular order. Maybe this will help us decide? Hmmm.

Pros of Unknown Donor

• no legal risk - donor severs parental rights at time of sperm donation
• very little risk of disease or infection transmission to bio mom/baby
  
• no relationship to build/maintain with donor, no emotional attachments, clear family structure
  
• sperm, not a man
• can switch donors at the blink of an eye
• can be mailed to our home for insemination there if doing IVI
  

Cons of Unknown Donor

• very expensive
• tiny amount of sperm trying to impregnate with each cycle - not a high chance with IVI at home
• with IUI, conception occurs in a medical setting (cold and more expense)
  
• could take a long time to get pg and we're not getting any younger
• timing stress as sperm don't live as long
• no idea really of who the donor is, what kind of character he has
• child would not have the chance to know who their donor is
  

Pros of Known Donor

• free or virtually free
• much larger samples of sperm
• more inseminations possible per cycle
• increased chances of conception sooner
• IVI at home has a higher chance of working
  
• child could have access to the donor and know who they are while growing up
• we know the donor, what he looks like, his character, his family history
  

Cons of Known Donor

• chance of donor trying to assert their legal right to child before our 2nd parent adoption goes through (much greater risk if doing IVI at home)
• would probably have to do IVI in medical setting to reduce legal risk (hard to find a Dr. willing to do this because of the liability)
  
• asking donor to do semen analysis, STD testing and bloodwork
• higher risk of disease or infection transmission to bio-mom/baby
  
• have to find a donor who wants the same level of involvement we want them to have
• more interpersonal emotions involved
• possibly uncomfortable negotiations on wants/desires and and very personal question asking
• relying on someone else running around and being where you want them, when you want them
  
• complicated deciding who will know about the donation, who will not know and when to tell
• have to rely on trusting donor and his partner (if he has one)
• need to seek immediate legal advice and draw up contract
  

So there you go....it's a big list.

Decisions, Decisions...

We're now into crunch time for the initial big decisions. Since we'll be inseminating for the first time around November 1st, we have less than 10 weeks to decide if we'll use a known or unknown sperm donor and get everything lined up to begin. We go back and forth on this decision over and over and each have slightly differing views/fears/hopes, etc.

This is a hefty decision which has serious health, financial, legal and emotional/family dynamics implications.

If we decide to go with a known donor we need to actually ask someone, get them to agree to our terms, see a lawyer and draw up a known donor contract.

If we go with unknown, we need to pick a sperm bank, get registered with them and pick a few top donors to order additional info on.

Donor related decisions would be more than enough for one single person but add a 2nd person to the mix and things are twice as complicated. I have no doubt that we'll come to some joint decisions in the time frame we've set for ourselves, but am not sure how we'll get there or where exactly we'll end up.

Also, we need to make a decision about how and where all of this TTC business will take place. IUI In a doctor's or midwife's office? IVI in our bedroom? A mix of each?

I'll be glad to be done with this stage of decision making and move onto the implementation stage....soon.

Wish us luck!