TTC #2

Well...

We are having to think about #2 already. Turns out DtD is going to be leaving the country in October. This prompted us having to have the conversation about using him for Finn's little sister or brother WAY earlier than we had expected.

The good news...

I didn't have to have multiple long discussions about nothing, including dry wall, in order to make the request. Yay me!

and...

He said he has no problem helping us with #2.

The bad news...

Well, he's going overseas. For at least six months. Maybe eighteen months.

He won't commit until he talks to BF. Perfectly okay but a little nervewracking since BF is the most distanced from our little family.

Options...

Start TTC #2 NOW since we have a couple months. At home insems. M.'s cycle is looking pretty good and she's ovulating.

Do a freeze test and start looking into the cost of storing.

Fly DtD home every five weeks.

Wait six to eighteen months from now to start TTC #2.

Okay, time for Finn to go to bed. We'll think about this tomorrow.

One year ago today...

Family, originally uploaded by Sacha Digi.

...we found out we were pregnant. And look, now we have a boy.

I knew the moment we saw Dr. G. on the caller ID that she was calling with good news. She usually called in the afternoon and this time she was calling in the morning. I remember saying "oh my god!" over and over and just bawling. TTC was over.

We didn't keep the news from anyone. I was tired of being isolated during TTC and just didn't want to keep stuff from people any longer.

Now I long for just one day to lay in bed and do nothing, like we used to. But it's okay the way things are. After all, we have a boy.

First Baby Sitter

We have had our first baby sitting experience with Finn.

M.'s family is in town for the adoption and we need to get our house clean. Ha. Double ha. It's impossible to clean with a baby.

So we came up with a rather brilliant plan. Have our post partum doula come over and watch Finn for a couple hours and M. and I will attack the house full force. After all, Finn loves Lily and we love Lily, so it's a perfect combination.

Except it wasn't.

We forgot that Finn hasn't seen Lily since he was a month old. Three months in baby-land is an eternity. And instead of spending time with Finn and Lily, M. and I kind of dumped him on her so we could make the most of our two hours.

Enter Mr. Crabby Pants.

I suspect Finn didn't really understand why a stranger was taking care of him when mommies were in the next room. He only calmed down when M. and I were finally able to spend time with him together, and only after we had what has become our nightly Hour of Fun before bedtime.

My dreams of leaving Finn with a sitter are seeming a little more daunting. I refuse to give up. Time to Plan B it.

I think we are going to find someone who will come and watch Finn for a couple hours weekly or bi-weekly so we can clean house. Instead of dumping, we'll spend a couple weeks all together so Finn knows said person is okay with mommies. THEN we'll cut him loose.

I hate stuffed animals!!!

Finn has been here for almost four months and already I HATE stuffed animals. Yes, they'e cuddly and cute, but really...how many does one child need??? I assume it will only get worse and worse as he gets older and his grandparents continue to find adorable stuffed animals they just have to give him.

Anyway, I've found what will work for the stuffed animal dilema. It's called a Trio animal bag from Boon. It runs around $100 most places but Costco has it for $80. I love the orange. It will keep me sane.

I'm adding it to my list of things I need to buy once I start getting a paycheck again.

I am also guilty of the stuffed animal dilema. I found a stuffed Snowy (from Tintin) yesterday and I WILL buy that for Finn. I mean, it's Snowy (whoa whoa whoa)!

Reprocessing The Birth

Birth is a strange thing. It's an event that lasts for a finite period of time. Yet I feel like our birth sticks with me and bubbles up every now and then.

Our birth stays with me in the strangest ways. I've been practicing Vipassana meditation at a very amateur level on and off for the last year or so. It was probably the most useful thing in getting me through labor, but now when I start doing some of that same breathing as a meditation, I'm back in the middle of labor all over again.

M. and I spent last night going over our birth again.

I look at the birth of Finn as labor and birth. I'm damn proud of our labor. We worked hard. M. was truly my birth partner. It was good. I was the Coyote-esse.

The birth feels different.

When the decision to have a c-section was made, all the involvement and control we'd fought for flew out the window. My memory of our son being brought into this world is all about feeling like I couldn't breathe and my arms flapping uncontrolably and being progessively drugged to the point that I can't really remember breast feeding him for the first time. M. is still sad that she didn't get to cut the cord. I still struggle with saying "When Finn came out" instead of "When Finn was born."

I'm still sad.

Birthing a child is something that stays with you forever. Maybe it's meant to because not so long ago we didn't have medical interventions, doctors, monitors, and all that jazz. We had our mothers and their mothers and their mothers who carried their birth stories and passed them to us. Maybe that's why birth clings to us and sneaks into our psyche: it's how women teach women to birth.

Four Hours

Back to Work, originally uploaded by Sacha Digi.

I successfully completed four hours of work yesterday, including two discharges, one admit, getting my password reset, a low blood sugar and so on...

I'm back. Rock and roll!

It's been almost six months since I have worked as an RN. The floor I work on is very fast paced and 3 pm to 7 pm are the witching hours, so although it was only four hours, I wouldn't call it easing back in. But I haven't lost my mad nursing skillz.

Things I learned:

• It's very hard to get ready for work when you're taking care of a baby.
• Being at work wasn't hard. Missing five hours of time with my boy was hard. It was the longest I've been away from him.
• It's VERY HARD to eat and drink what I should while I'm working. I was starving the entire time but couldn't even grab a snack.
  
• Coming home was nice. Finn was very happy to see me. Finn being happy at 8 pm when he should be going to bed is a little frustrating.
• Having M. at home makes it so much better.
• It was only four hours but I was TIRED when I got home. I'd forgotten how deeply weary I get from working. I suspect I will probably crawl into bed with Finn and side lie nurse us both to sleep when I go back to my twelves.
  

Overall, it wasn't too bad.

Oh, and I got multiple compliments on my breast pump and how quiet it is. I have nothing but good things to say about the Avent Isis Duo if anyone is considering purchasing it! Pumping was a bit nervewracking but I'm assuming it will get better.

Work!

Sometimes things just sneak up on you. You know, little things, like going back to work. My return date is August 8th, and I have everything arranged to go back for an eight hour shift then have some time off and start my regular schedule.

I'm going back to work today!

Surprise!!!!

Seems I need 40 minutes to keep my benies. It's a long and not very interesting story about the inept system I function within. You can't work 40 minutes as an RN so I'm picking up four hours later today.

Holy shit batman!

I'm kind of okay with this. I've been going over work in my head for the last couple days so it will be good to actually go do my job. A four hour shift is a perfect little taste to get me back into it. I won't have to go back again for two weeks.

And I'm ready. I didn't know if I would be by the end of my mat leave, but I am.

Wow.

I've Been Rejected

Bottle, originally uploaded by Sacha Digi.

For the very first time Finn actually chose the bottle over the boob.

WAHHHHHH!

He's really into his hands and holding things and he puts his hands on thte bottle and goes to town. It's so cute...he makes these adorable cooing noises while he fingers the bottle and eats. So it was BOTTLE over BOOB. Me...the boob. Isn't it supposed to be boob forever?

I'm kind of offended. Not 100%. Maybe 55% offended.

I felt much better when he got up from his nap and went to town on the boob. I was back in favor, bottle be damned.

Eating Out

Finn at Pizza, originally uploaded by Sacha Digi.

Eating out has been hard with Finn. We are adding to the list of restaurants Finn just seems to hate. Well, yesterday we had an entire lunch out where Finn didn't fuss, scream or make one of us put him in the sling until he fell asleep.

It's getting better.

We did make him do tummy time on the table. Bad mommies.

I'm Afraid to Call it Insomnia

I couldn't sleep last night. I blamed it on the very strong iced tea I drank right before bed. Surely, that was what did it.

But here I am again, not sleeping. WTF?

A couple things going on...

Finn has been sleeping through the night for real for about two weeks now, until the last couple nights. I wonder if I'm subconsciously fretting about him getting up to feed.

I go back to work in 2.5 weeks. Part of me is excited. Part of me is expecting all hell to break loose. I'm finding that my head is going around and around with nursing interventions and things about patients and what I talk to docs about... Then I think about being away from Finn for a 12 hour shift. And worrying about M. and Finn and how they're doing. And then I think about what it will be like to come home and finally see him.

Racing thoughts. All of them going round and round and round in my head.

Ugh.

As always, my mind goes straight to meds. Do I need meds? I don't want insomnia. I've always been good about going to sleep, although staying asleep has been an issue at times.

I need to enjoy the last tiny sliver of mat leave I have and stop doing this. Argh.

Weekend Cuteness

We're off to visit my parents. M. and I are both tired and crabby. We'll see how the visit goes. In the meantime, the cuteness that is Finn.

A Rambling Boring Post Including a Winkle and a Skwish

Well, seems the Winkle has fallen out of favor for the Skwish. M. says that should be filed in the WHO THE HELL CARES category.

We had a rather horrendous morning. Finner decided to nap, be charming for about 5-10 minutes after waking then proceed to completely crab out followed by yet another nap then repeat. It's so freakin' tiring sometimes, especially when you just want to sit. Ah, the glorious days of just sitting.

So we escaped. Off to run errands. We stocked up on California Baby since M. has declared it's the safest bath product brand we can use. We had cupcakes (me and M.) and coffee. I bought a new hairbrush in an attempt to control my always tangled mane. We looked for an outfit for Finn's upcoming adoption. We got rained on.

Now we're home. Diaper-free time shall commence. Maybe we'll continue the epic battle between the Winkle and the Skwish. Perhaps a little massage before bed. Then mommies will have that tiny bit of precious ME time before we too have to crawl into the covers.

And that's what a boring post looks like. Sometimes it's good to have the kind of days that inspire boring posts.

Do Not Go Gently into Motherhood

M. and I were in the dank, dark hole they call the Mothers Room at Babies-R-Us and across from us was a mother of an EIGHT DAY OLD baby. I can barely remember when Finn was eight days old, except having this vague perpetually stoned feeling all the time. We started talking, because I love to talk to the other mothers in the Mothers Room. The woman rolled her eyes and exclaimed that her baby was nursing AGAIN...the second time since they'd arrived in the store. She told her tiny baby daughter that it was time for them to move on and go get their pictures done. Did her baby care? Nope. She was going to continue comfort sucking despite her mother's wishes.

I looked at the mom and thought..."Sister, you haven't accepted your fate."

For me, there was a moment which I can't pinpoint through the bleary eyed sleep deprivation when I simply accepted my fate. My life was no longer my own. My breasts were no longer my own. 36 years ago when egg and sperm combined, my cells started dividing until they formed a human being who would exist in this world for one reason, and one reason only...

To love and care for my boy.

Accepting this is what kept me sane. It was what made me fall in love with my son. Our time became his time. This happened with the knowledge that we will someday reach a balance, a point where we're not having to give as much and he's not needing to take in order to survive. But right now M. and I exist for our boy.

This woman in the mothers room hadn't reached this point yet. She was still fighting motherhood. She thought she still had a say in the situation. After all, aren't we the ones with developed brains and life experience? Shouldn't we be the ones running the show?

It seems that way, but it's not.

Natural Cleaning Products

Questions about our dipes take a little longer, so I'll start with natural cleaning products.

M. and I make almost all our own cleaning products. The two things we don't make are scouring powder (we use Bon Ami), dish soap and an toilet bowel cleaner (although I think we could just use Borax with equally good results.) Whatever products we buy, they are all low-impact and environmentally friendly. We also clean with rags and use cloth napkins.

Laundry soap can be addressed with cloth diapering since it's a bit more tricksy.

We started doing this YEARS ago (maybe eight, at least over six year), long before the popularization of the green movement and Al Gore. We found this book called The Naturally Clean Home from Storey Books and it changed our view on using chemical based cleaners in the home.

This is what you need on hand for basic homemade stuff:

• Borax
• White vinegar
• Unscented castille soap
• Baking soda
• Grapefruit seed extract
• Murphey's Oil soap
  
• Essential oils (I use lemon, pine, tangerine, tea tree, lavender and comfry)
  

I got my spray cleaner recipe from Living Simple. This works better than anything I've ever bought. Here it is:

1 tsp borax
1 tsp castille soap
1/4 cup white vinegar
3-5 drops essential oil
1 quart water

I usually combine it all with boiling water, let it cool and put it in a spray bottle. I did try a large batch for the floor and it came out sticky.

Floors:

1 tsp castille soap
1/2-1 cup white vinegar
5 drops essential oil

Combine with a couple quarts of boiling water!

Glass:

Equal parts white vinegar and water

And for cleaning pots (I wreck my Le Creuset regularly) I just put baking soda and water in the pan, boil it on the stove for a bit and then use the baking soda as a scouring powder with a sponge or rag.

All these store bought cleaners are the result of marketing making us feel like we NEED them and that they're somehow more effective. Cleaning more naturally is how our grandmothers did it and they did it well!

Okay, off my soap (ha ha) box...got to go feed the boy.

Working Moms

Finn and I are nearing the end of the longest stretch of time we've ever alone had together - 6+ hours. This is because M. has a new job! It's only 10 hours a week and pays well, so we totally lucked out. M. getting laid off was such a blessing, although tough financially. It's been so wonderful to parent our son together for three and a half months. That's worth a lot of money in my mind. We've had time to be a family.

I took pictures of what we did today so M. could see what we were up to.

Mommy and Finn's Day!

Now..it would be REALLY nice to be able to shower. :)

Toys

This is a Ziggles by Manhattan Toys (Finn is a big fan of the Winkel ..loves it... and the Skwish). I ordered it on a whim last week when I was buying every single freezable teething toy I could find.

I LOVE IT!!!

It has rings on each side. I put them on Finn's feet because he's just figuring out that he has them. He totally goes to town.

Here's Finn using his Ziggles. So cute. I'm so bad because I totally love to play and M. is right that we need to have quiet time too.

Then today during my only 30 minute break from Boy Duty, what did I do? Well, what any insane person would do during their only tiny bit of free time during the day. I drilled holes in the handles of wooden spoons.

I'm so butch. I used a drill. He he.

I made ribbon toys for Finn. We went and bought some really pretty ribbon then I drilled the holes in the handles of the spoons and threaded the ribbon through.

The cats like them too.

Toughen up! Be a man!

I once suffered through watching my brother in law tell his five year old son to be a man and take his bath. While I'm not entirely sure what the term "be a man" means, I felt like strongly encouraging my nephew to take my BIL up on his offer. It would be the easiest way he'd ever find to "be a man" in our society. Maybe I'll take a bath tonight to I can "be a man" too! Maybe I'll get paid more.

My brother and my father are heading into similar territory with Finn.

Our little boy is having a really hard time with teething. My mother tonight informed M. that my brother and father think that Finn simply needs to "toughen up".

Oooookaaaaay...

Surely our baby just needs to toughen up. His gums hurt to the point that he sometimes screams until he gets relief, but that's just a symptom of his weak will. He is experiencing chronic pain for the first time which surely will be resolved by him grinning and bearing it, not Tylenol.

I'm sorry, but Finn has no obligation, nor ability, to do anything but be his sweet self and tell us that he needs help. He does not need to toughen up. He can be as pansy ass sissified sensitive as we wants to because he fucking HURTS. The only people who have any obligation in this situation are M. and myself and that is to hold him, love him, rock him, and do whatever we can to help him feel better.

End of story.

I have been willing to tolerate a certain amount of "guy talk" around Finn, such as "guys like sports so we should take him to a sporting event" kind of stuff. No prob because I guarantee that Finn is not going to inherit a love of baseball from his moms. But I will NOT tolerate sexist crap that teaches our son that it's not okay for men to feel and that it's not okay for men to have pain. That only shortchanges him as a human being and our job as his mothers is to help him grow into a fully functioning person.

No fucking "Culture of Men" crappola.

Welcome to raising the next generation of non-sexist pig men. It's not going to be easy but we are committed to helping Finn be the best person he can possibly be.

Those Wicked Games We Play

We've developed some quite strange games we play with Finn. It's amazing what can entertain a baby.

Drip Drip Disgusting!

We've been calling Finn a Disgusting Baby for a while now (after all, he is a fountain of spit up and drool) and it's become his favorite word. Then M. noticed that he also likes it when she says "drip". So now I will say "drip" several times, followed by "disgusting" and Finn just CRACKS up.

Where's Finn?

We pretend not to see Finn and ask where he is, looking all around but not at him. Then we look at him and declare "There's Finn!"...and he CRACKS up.

Ooga Ooga

This involved sneaking our fingertips up his chest and tickling him under the chin...and he CRACKS up! (Are you sensing a trend???)

La La Versions of Songs

Any song where you replace the lyrics with "la la". Yes, he CRACKS up!

Teething Hell

Excuse my language, but I FUCKING HATE TEETHING.

This is so much worse than the shots. The shots ended. This never ends. We had a mostly good morning then Finn became the fountain of drool and 15 minutes later the inconsolable wailing started. He just looked at me with his little face turning bright red and yelled.

We did it all. Breastsicle, Hyland teething tablets, clove oil, rocking, nursing and again finally resorted to Tylenol.

20 minutes later he was finally able to calm down and stopped crying.

Ever since the teething started, Finn has also become hard to keep asleep. He jerks awake easily which is unusual for him. So we put him into his crib once he was able to sleep, and of course he woke when I set him down and decided that he mobile was interesting because he felt better.

Argh.

When those stupid little teeth finally come in, M. and I are having a fucking party. I hate, hate, HATE this.

Product Pimpin'

I have to pimp this fantastic diaper rash salve we use.

We found it through my mother who gave it to us almost a year ago when we were initially pregnant. It sat on our changing table for a while after Finn was born because we were using the Weleda that everyone uses. Then we picked it up one day because M. and I both get bored using the same thing over and over (this explains the extensive selections of lotions we have in our hallway drawer).

It is amazing stuff.

It's called Happy Baby Diaper Rash Salve and is made by The Good Life Collective in British Columbia. It's an olive oil based salve and I put it EVERYWHERE. On Finn's bum, in his folds, under his chin. It's wonderful. And when his bottom gets even a little red the salve clears it up in about a day.

Good stuff!

Breast Feeding

Before Finn was born I was very concerned about breast feeding. I was worried about my large breasts and my flat nipples, and I thought that establishing breast feeding was one of the biggest issues most new mothers faced.

It wasn't easy. Even though I had very few issues (no cracked nipples, bleeding, blisters, mastitis, clogged ducts, a good supply and a baby with a fantastic latch) it was still one of the most challenging things about having a newborn. I remember nights when I was shaking from exhaustion and medications as I fed Finn for two hours straight. Then there's the fact that your time is no longer your own. There were many, many times when I simply didn't want to feed my son. I felt terrible, but he ate so often that I never got a break. There's nothing like the mental fatigue of being the milk cow.

But I stuck with it. Actually, we stuck with it. M. was a huge part of my success in establishing breast feeding. She set aside her issues around being a non-birth mother who plans to give birth in the future and gave me 100% support in giving our son what was best for him.

And I love it.

I mean absolutely love it. One of the biggest joys of my life is feeding Finn. I love that he is healthy and strong, and that it's because of my boobs. I love our time together, and even if I still feel a little bitter about being constantly interrupted because he's hungry, I love being able to give him his boob.

He's my booby baby.

I love that my giant-ass not-so-perfect boobs do a perfectly good job of providing comfort and sustinence. I have a love/hate relationship with my breasts and it feels good to know that I've suffered with their largess for a reason. They were made to feed my boy.

There's a lot of judgement around breast feeding versus formula feeding. I hope anyone reading this who is struggling with breast feeding will get the support needed to keep going. It will get better and it's just a wonderful thing to be able to share with your baby. And if others have made the choice to move to formula, that's okay too...you might be able to develop a comfort nursing relationship that could give you some of that same intimacy. There's just something special about having a baby on the breast.

Happy Conceptiversary

One year ago today one cell became two then became four then became eight and kept on going until there was Finn. It took eight tries, one IUI, and practically a village but we did it.

Swimming

We took Finn to the neighborhood wading pool for the first time today. It was fun. He was a bit freaked out about the water but did great. I've noticed that he usually will be kind of timid about a new experience the first time and then really enjoy it the next time we do it. I'm looking forward to more trips to the wading pool

Pictures on Flickr!

Can a person live on popsicles?

M. and I are testing whether or not you could survive on Popsicles alone.

To distract myself from how flippin' hot it is, here are some pics:

Finn's new favorite toy. The back is yellow satin, then the front is plush. It has crinkle stuff in the middle and the points of the star are easy for Finn to stick in his mouth.

Here he is playing with it.

Here's Finn actually enjoying tummy time. Yes, instead of screams ensuing, he actually looks around and enjoys himself. And after rolling on Fathers' Day then taking a break, Finn is now effortlessly rolling from tummy to back. Four times last night.

Methods to Beat the Heat

• Ice pack in the car seat
• Ice water in a mister
• Swamp cooler (pan of ice in front of fan)
• Go to mall
• Wet washcloth on Finn
• Breast milk popsicles

Any other ideas?

Hot Baby

Heat warning in the Emerald City today. We have a pan of ice in the freezer to keep the bedroom cool tonight (place in front of fan) and we'll be going to the wading pool and the mall if necessary. Luckily our house stays cool most of the day until around 4 or 5.

Happy summer everyone! Seems it's finally hit Seattle.

How to Break Mommies Hearts

It's pretty easy. You just scream until you're red in the face, little mouth turned down, and every time we finally get you soothed, you wake up and scream again. Because you hurt.

We tried all our interventions: cold teething ring, Hyland teething tablets, a frozen wash cloth. Finally...TYLENOL. Then Finn finally was able to sleep.

As I was putting the wash cloth in his mouth and thought if I pushed it down on his bottom gums a little it would feel better and encourage him to bite down on it. He screamed. His face got even redder and he screamed over and over as he stared at me. I cried. Then Finn noticed I was crying and he got this concerned look on his face. I made him worried.

For the first time I realized that I can't just loose it in front of my child.

Teething bites.

Raised by Girls

Sometimes it takes some time to recognize a subtle undercurrent. You know there's something that bothers you and it nags at you until one day you have a "light bulb" moment and you figure out what's been bothering you.

It's taken me a while to figure it out, but I've come to realize that my parents are concerned about Finn being raised by girls. They see him as belonging to the Culture of Men (ugh, WTF does that mean???) and having two moms will make him weak and soft. This is why every time they see our boy, my mother somehow ends up shoving him into my father's arms.

But the kicker. I mean the real icing on the cake...

My father is now informing us on what terms of endearment we should use for our boy. I've been told that I shouldn't call my son "sweetness" and instead he should be called "bucko".

Bucko?

I'm sorry, but Finn is being raised by girls. And he will benefit from it. We are committed to help him understand his emotions and develop compassion. We hope being raised by girls will help him escape some of the pressures that are created by this damn "Culture of Men" that tells men that they can't feel, or stay at home with their kids, or cry. The Culture of Men that gives a crap-ass blue print for how one can "be a man".

I'm sure other lesbian parents face this subtle undercurrent that tells you that you are somehow unqualified to raise a child of the opposite sex.

It's three months into the rest of our lives and I'm already tired of these unspoken judgements. And I know they won't stop. Welcome to lesbian parenthood.

Sleeping Through the Night

Okay, so we are now on our fifth night of Finn not night nursing AT ALL. Am I happy? Hell yeah! But the emotion that is predominant at the moment is fear.

Sleep is a huge issue for parents of a baby but M. and I have done a great job of simply not stressing over it. We get what Finn gives us. That may be a four or five hour stretch. It also has been two hours at a time all night long. There have been times when I have been so exhausted that I almost can't get out of bed for that one last feed at 5 am before he wakes up at 7am.

So this is good, right? To bed at 8 or 9, up at 7 or 8...good? Except that I know it's all going to come crashing down and that first night when I drag my bleary-eyed ass out of bed to feed to boy at 2:30 am, I will be resentful. I love him, I love feeding him, I will suffer being exhausted for him but I will still be resentful that he gave us a taste of the good life then jerked it away, all the while not knowing how much he's torturing mommies because he's just a little baby who is hungry. Hungry bungry.

I'm afraid to say it outloud, so I'll say it quietly. Our boy is...sleeping through the night.

At least for now. I'm going to go back to bed and enjoy it while I can.

Finn and his Noo Noo

No, Noo Noo isn't a euphanism for penis! It's this really cool, textured little wool blankie we found for our boy. He loves sticking it in his mouth since that's what he's all about these days.

Fussy Fourth

Our poor little man had such a rough day today. If he wasn't eating, he was sleeping and if he wasn't doing those two things, he was crying. He was just inconsolable.

M. was changing him, and as he was screaming on the changing table, she had a moment of pure mothers intuition. His cry wasn't his normal cry...it was a cry of pain. She looked into his little, crying mouth and there they were, just below the surface...

TEETH!!!

Our little boy is cutting teeth. It felt really good to finally understand why Finner had spent most of the day miserable. We dosed him on Tylenol and will head out tomorrow to buy all the hippy remedies on the planet. In the meantime, our boy is finally sleeping okay.

Three Months

We've made it a quarter way through our first year with Finn. Our LB is three months old.

I can't believe how fast it's all going. One more month and I'm back at work and our REAL life starts. It has been such a gift to be home with our little boy. While it's wrong that I can't stay longer, there are many women in the United States who have to go back just weeks, not months, after giving birth.

What did we do today? Well, Finn woke up and had his morning boob. M. and I sung "Happy Birthday" to him and he smiled and laughed. That was followed by his morning nap. We all napped together. We took me to the doctor to get some antibiotics, dropped off some paperwork, went to Trader Joe's then came home.

What has Finn done in his last month? Well, he's really woken up to the world. He looks at everything, and that means sometimes mommies pay with a fussy meltdown at night. He's discovered that he has a very yummy fist. He rolled over twice. He went back to sleeping in his co-sleeper.

He's just a happy precious, sweet little boy. We love him.

Panda pics on Flickr!

The Magical Allure of Cousin Kyle

We have some simple toys for Finn and he shows mild interest in them, but his favorite thing in the ENTIRE world right now is Cousin Kyle.

Cousin Kyle is a black and white photograph of M.'s cousin's son that was sent to us a couple years ago. He's about three months old in the picture. We've had it on a magnetic clip on our filing cabinet for a while. Then one day we noticed that Finn really really likes this picture of Cousin Kyle. I mean REALLY likes it.

How do we occupy our son for those precious 5-10 minutes so we can check email or grab some food? We place him in his bouncey seat, situate it by the garbage can and smack the magnet clip with Cousin Kyle on its side so Finn can stare at him. And stare at him. And smile. And stare some more.

Finn LOVES Cousin Kyle...he's so handsome.