17:30 Update

I walk and I start contracting. I sit down and I stop. They hurt but not like a mofo. We're not progressing.

We're heading into the Baby Factory at 20:00 and we'll start the induction.

I'm not terribly thrilled that we're going to start after being up all day. At the same time, oxytocin peaks at night so maybe that will help. I'm also glad that we gave my body a chance to kick in before moving to meds. I'm okay with that decision.

Right now M. and I are going to try to take a couple hour nap. We'll see if it works or not.

11:45 Back from Labor Land

We called the on-call doc and they told us to head into Labor Land to get checked out. Neither M. nor I really wanted to go to the hospital, so we compromised and waited a couple hours then headed that way.

Uh, yeah.

Not a really fun experience. I told the nurse that my water had broken, we wanted to get checked out and then we would like to go home for a bit. She responded that if my water was indeed broken, we wouldn't be going home. We told her that we'd arranged differently with Dr. G.

I agreed to an internal and they did one with a freakin' speculum that HURT like a mofo.

Oh, and the moment I walked into triage, my contractions STOPPED.

And the best part...they didn't believe that my water had broken.

My water didn't just break. It's been flowing for a good six hours now. It's not a sudden, horrid bout of incontinence. My membranes have RUPTURED and there is amniotic fluid trickling down my legs and soaking through my clothes.

They seriously tested it about six times before it ferned.

The funny part...when I realized that they couldn't confirm amniotic fluid, I also realized that they couldn't try to keep me in the hospital. So I decided to try to hide all my leakage from the nurse. Didn't work out so well, but we still managed to escape.

It took a lot of work but we got them to let us go home. We're going back around dinner time tonight and in the meantime, are going to work on getting labor started.

Time to bake my early labor birthday cake.

My Water Broke

05:15 pst

AND my mucous plug came out...

AND I have bloody show...

I felt the trickle as I was asleep and immediately clenched my legs to keep it in. Then I waddled down the hallway, dripping the entire way.

LB might be a March baby. Or an April Fools boy. He he. This is all because we went and actually bought the ingredients for the cake we were going to bake in early labor.

The nurse wants us to go in and get checked. M. and I are trying to decide if we're going to go in right away or wait for a bit.

UPDATE 06:26 pst: We're going in. I'm feeling contractions but they a) don't feel regular and b) don't hurt much. I want to get being checked over with so we can come home. Still trickling. We'll update when we return.

Kate's Story

Back in December the Seattle area was hit by a huge windstorm and terrible rain. The drains in some areas clogged and there were flash floods in the city. One of those flood trapped a woman named Kate in her basement. The waters continued rising and she drowned.

What the news didn't broadcast was that Kate was a lesbian, and that her partner was on the other side of the basement door as the waters rose, talking to her, trying to save her.

The medics finally arrived - Kate was still alive but critical. She was taken to a local hospital and her partner followed the ambulance. At the hospital her partner was refused access to the woman and she had to frantically call her dying partner's family to get permission...PERMISSION...to be by Kate's bedside. She was referred to as "just Kate's partner" by the medical staff. Kate died hours later.

I can't think about this story without crying, and when I heard that the medical staff actually denied Kate's partner access, I wondered what hospital she'd been taken to. I couldn't imagine it was the hospital I work at because I can't imagine anyone I work with would deny a same-sex partner his or her right to be at the bedside of their dying loved one.

I found out today that I was wrong. It was my hospital.

I am usually proud of where I work. We do a good job. We treat populations that other facilities don't treat. We have the most challenging, complex patients. We have excellent nurses. We work hard.

Today I feel nothing but shame. I can't believe that Kate's partner faced such difficulty and discrimination from people who work for the same institution that I do. I wish I could tell her how sorry I am that she was treated that way while she was in crisis.

Still Hanging in There

It was hard to go to bed last night...I was still having contractions, but irregular, and I was a little on the hyped up side. M. had a hard time getting to sleep as well. But we both managed to get to sleep and today is another day...and beautiful to boot.

To answer Calliope's question...M. and I will try to keep up the blog while we're laboring at home (you know, REAL labor...contractions longer, stronger, closer together) up until we go to the hospital. How much we'll be able to update will depend on how much support I'm needing and when we call our doula in to help. I'm really hoping to labor at home as long as possible.

Induction would be a whole different ball game in terms of updates.

In the meantime, we're going to get the ingredients for the cake we plan to bake in early labor. LB's birthday cake will be chocolate or devilsfood with either chocolate or cream cheese frosting. Mmmmmm.

Denial Ain't a River in Egypt

So we go to our bi-weekly NST today and I was actually SURPRISED to find out that I was contracting every 2-3 minutes. Regularly. WTF? They kept going for about 2.5 hours then backed off. This is hugely different from Tuesday when I had maybe one mild contraction during the NST.

Am I in labor? I don't know. I do know that I'm in serious, serious denial.

The nausea, well, it's contractions. The nurse asked if I knew I was having a contraction and I realized that I'd just started feeling sick again. I have a feeling that I'm going to puke my way through labor.

I called our doula to tell her that things appear to be progressing. She agrees that I'm in denial and is going to bed early tonight.

I've heard too many stories of long prodromal labor with zero progression and seen so many preggos convinced that they were about to go into labor then the birth is weeks later. I don't want to get into the head space that this is happening now only to drive myself crazy. The denial is mostly self protection.

In the meantime it seems the contractions are back because I'm starting to feel sick again. Time to lay down again. Ugh.

Pre-Labor Update

My nausea is back. I'm assuming this (un)pleasant recurrence is all about the end of pregnancy. LB is going to come out the same way he started...with me SICK. I'm trying to eat smaller meals more often and upping my protein but the nausea just won't go away.

Ugh.

I'm starting to get stronger contractions that are going around my back as well as my belly, but only when I'm out walking. They seem to come about every two or three minutes and they're increasingly painful. I come home, sit down on the couch, and they subside. They are also mostly in the afternoons and evening with some overnight. Still irregular. Still ramping up.

Anything else...just that I'm really, really achey and LB has started to do the cervix pinch regularly. Oh, and my bowels are moving quite well. Same hip and pelvic floor pain but a massage and chiropractor appt. actually helped.

Whoo boy!

I've scheduled the acupunture induction for Monday. It's a full moon and I'm going with the urban myth that babies like to be born on the full moon. Monday is good 'cause M. has some unemployment job fair to go to in the a.m. Monday is GOOD.

So we wait. Tomorrow is another NST, another doc appointment, and if the weather holds, another walk. Then Friday I'm going to try to get into my old swim suit and we're going to the POOL. That sounds SO NICE.

Oh, and tomorrow is also 39 weeks...39 WEEKS...39 WEEKS....

The Return of Dr. Grandpa!

One of the best decisions we made with my care during this pregnancy was getting away from BHOI. If we hadn't, they would have induced me at 37 weeks because of spiking pressure, I'd probably have had a c-section and we'd have risked our little boy having respiratory problems at birth because he wasn't ready.

I also want to clarify that it wasn't labor and delivery that we had a problem with at BHOI. It was the docs and midwives in the clinic. I've heard that the nurses in L&D are fabulous and would far prefer to go there over The Baby Factory, but that's not how things worked out.

The scars from our experience at BHOI are still red and raw. We think we'll at least be angry about what we went through there until LB is here, if not longer.

We've found a post partum doula who will do it for low-cost. She's fabulous and we're very excited. She came to being a doula after her step sister gave birth...at BHOI. We were talking to her about her sis' experience, which was pretty negative and sounded similar to what we were facing at BHOI: high bloop pressure, over 35, early induction with a poor outcome and her sis had diabetes as well. Out of curiosity I asked which doc was responsible for the travesty of her sister's birth, and she said....

DR. GRANDPA!

Now, in many ways Seattle is a small town, but it's NOT. We cannot escape that man.

Nurse M. says I have to stop blogging about Dr. Grandpa because he's spiking my BP. Grrrrr.

Ramping Up

I've been having 4-6 braxton hicks per day for a couple weeks now. No big deal and they really didn't hurt at all.

The last couple days the bh contractions have been getting stronger and they're starting to hurt a little bit. I'm getting some cramping as well. I'm also getting them more often...sometimes three in a row over about ten minutes. They're still not regular or getting stronger, so not really close to labor.

My body is getting into gear.

It's hard not knowing HOW this will all go down. Most people I've known who are at the end don't just go suddenly. It seems like there are usually WEEKS of contractions and cramping...not really labor, just the practice stuff.

I'm working on developing a zen-like patience that I've NEVER had in my entire life.

One thing I do know...my body is more ready than it was a week and a half ago when we were first threatened with induction. That's a good thing.

The bad thing? We're freakin' SICK!

Both of us. I swear that we never, even get sick at the same time. Now we're both hot, sticky, snotty, coughing SICK. Which is why LB can stay in until Sunday. His moms need to get a little better before we meet him.

Welcome Edie Ruth!

Congrats to Beth and Rose and their daughter, Edie Ruth. Sounds like she emerged into this world quite suddenly and I'm excited to hear the birth story.

Welcome to (not yet in) Laborland

No, I'm not in labor.

But we did get to visit Laborland today in the form of triage at the Baby Factory. Our doc didn't want me to go through the weekend without another NST.

How was Laborland?

Not too much fun. It started with the nursing assistant who asked if I could lie on my side. I answered that I'd stay propped on my back since I'm very uncomfortable on my side right now. Color Missy Nursing Assistant not happy.

40 minutes later...

I'm getting increasingly annoyed that I've been sitting on the monitor for 40 minutes (an NST is typically 20 minutes) when another person finally shows up. I immediately asked this new person who she was and found out that she's the nurse. Missy Nursing Assitant never actually introduced herself* so I'd thought SHE was the nurse and had given her my entire history.

Okay. No biggie. I get really busy at work as well, but I always try to introduce myself. But I do understand being busy. I'm sure she's seeing many, many patients. It's triage after all.

She looks at the strip, declares LB to be fine, then tells me that I can go down the hallway to pee but to keep the bands on because they'll hook me back to the monitor when I return.

I said no.

Actually, I said I'm not contracting regularly, the baby's fine, I'm very uncomfortable, I'd prefer not to be on the monitor, and that is my choice to make. I'm just here for an NST.

She was NOT HAPPY. So not happy that she turned around and quickly left the room without saying another word, leaving me to unhook myself off the bands and with a goo covered tummy. Missy Nurse Attitude.

We ended up being "discharged without delivery" which was funny because we weren't actually admitted. And that was our adventure in laborland.

* One of my pet peeves is when medical staff don't introduce themselves. Part of HIPPA is that patients have the right to know who is involved in their care. I find it unprofessional to not walk into a room and say who you are and what you do. I believe it goes a long way toward disempowering the patient. We all wear the same scrubs so it's hard to know if the person you're talking to is a nursing assistant, a nurse or a doc, and it's not always easy to read badges.

Back to the TWW

I hated the TWW. Obsessing over every little twinge, hoping against all hope that maybe my body cooperated and this was the cycle where we'd finally get those two lines, finally get that baby we'd been dreaming of. It was crazy-making. It wore down my soul.

We're back to the two week wait. You think pregnancy will take away the crazy-making? Nope. And the last stretch is truly stretched out into eternity. We're back to obsessing about every little twinge. Every braxton hicks. Every little noise I make elicits a "what's wrong?" from M. We're back to the hope against hope that maybe my body will kick into gear before they give me drugs and force LB out when he's not ready.

The only good thing is that we have enough appointments to keep us very distracted. I think we have some sort of appointment every day except Friday.

Twelve more days.

Feeling Normal

Last night M. and I listened to music in the kitchen and danced silly dances. Okay, she did the silly dance and I laughed. We found the lyrics to Rainbow Connection and sang them loudly. You know, Kermit.... It was the first time we just had FUN in what feels like an eternity. It made me realize just how much better we felt without the induction monkey on our backs. We've been stressed and snapping at each other and it's just NOT GOOD.

I'm realizing that I need LB to come when he's ready, or at least closer to when he's ready. I don't like having a date when the entire world will change. I know I won't be pregnant forever and that after April 15th, most likely April 5th, there's no way he won't be here. I know I'm asking for a lot, but I'd like to go into spontaneously into labor.

So we get the gift of feeling normal again, even for a little while.

And my BP is responding well to the new med dose! Yay!

Induction Holding Pattern

Yes, we will. No, we won't. Yes, we will. WAIT...no, we won't.

Welcome to my brave new world.

BP still up but not spiking, trace protein in my urine, liver labs okay...we're in a holding pattern. We'll just keep circling the airport until someone says land or this pregnancy manages to crash and burn all on its own.

Dr. G. is backing off the induction. While frustrating, this is good news. M. and I are relieved to have the induction monkey off our back for just a little while. We're increasing my bp meds and I'm being heavily monitored, but, so far, NO INDUCTION.

M. is excited. If my bp goes down, I can get off the couch. I can walk. We can work on getting LB out before he's ripped untimely from mother's womb.

So I'm going to get a pedicure, a massage, an appointment with the chiropractor and take good care of myself. It's day by day until the little guy arrives.

38 Weeks: Reflections on a Pregnancy

Little Boy is busy digging his foot into my ribs. Yay! I wanted to take some time to reflect on the pregnancy a bit since LB can officially come out and it appears his time snug in my uterus is limited.

The good stuff.

Growing a baby is a good thing. It's an amazing thing. It's a challenging thing.
The third tri has been mostly good.
My wife, who has been an amazing support.
Yogurt. It has protein, makes a good snack and tastes good.
Feeling LB move.

The challenges.

14 weeks of nausea and getting sick of every single non-medical intervention.
Sciatica and turning over in bed at night.
Eating for two. I'm SO SICK of protein.
My health and being scared about my health.
Working and realizing that I needed to stop.

Things I couldn't live without.

The damn bella band. Seriously.
The support belt.
Tylenol. Yes, mostly useless, but it's the only thing that will let me get to sleep at the moment.
High fiber cereal.

The useless.

That stupid snoogle. I'm sorry, but it's crap. It's poorly made, has broken down and for the money we paid for it, I could have gotten a nice body pillow from The Company Store. Ridiculous.

What I'm looking forward to.

Being a coyote-ess in labor!
Lying on my BACK!
Being able to get up and down without whimpering.
Having a bowel movement without it being an event. Seriously. Sorry if TMI.
Peeing like a normal person.
WALKING! FAST!
Remembering something, even the smallest thing, versus nothing.
Having a BABY. A freakin' BABY!

Milk Monster

For some reason I've become addicted to milk. At first I told myself it was because I'm planning to give up cow's milk again after LB arrives. Considering that we're going through a gallon every 2-3 days, I think I have to admit to having a true addiction now. Must be some kind of pregnancy thing. And if you add some chocolate syrup to it...oh lordy. I am not going to be happy when it's back to goat and soy milk. Oh well. Actually, chocolate syrup might make goat milk taste a bit less knarly.

Nothing to do but lie around today. M. is off to her interview (crossing fingers for my girl to kick some ass). My BP was good this morning (125/75) so I'm treating myself to a quick sit at the computer before I go back to the couch.

I'm really enjoying reading all the new baby blogs. It's fun to follow people becoming new parents.

Appointments all day tomorrow. I wonder why all day appointments are good for anyone with hypertension. We'll find out then if Dr. G. will let us go over the weekend or not.

It's the most beautiful day today. Blue sky, sunshine, a little warmth. This means we'll be taking a walk. And I think dinner out tonight, somewhere non-kid friendly where we can drop our money like it's hot. Or pizza.

And that's the end of a boring update. I'll probably have more to say tomorrow.

BP Update & Thoughts of Impending Induction

Well, my BP is continuing to misbehave. I'm okay if I'm at home and lying down. Activity makes it go up. I'm also starting to spill protein into my urine, my weight is significantly up (but very little swelling - third spacing, I guess) and we're waiting for my liver labs to come back. The reality is that things are probably going to keep trending worse.

Dr. G. initially said we'd induce tomorrow but then backed off. The plan for now is to check my BP every 8 hours and do bed rest. I'll most likely be induced within a week. We did do an internal at this visit. 0 dilated, 40% effaced, baby is mid-line. Basically, my body is NOT ready to go yet. It doesn't seem to have an option, though.

It's funny because we told Dr. G. that we can't be induced until tomorrow afternoon. M. has a job interview and our doula has finals in the morning. Then we're all ready to go.

M. and I went and got all my post-partum prescriptions dropped off. The cosleeper is set up. I called our acupuncturist. We have a few more errands left. Our last birthing class is tonight. We are now working on finding a low-cost or no-cost post-partum doula to help out once or twice a week.

The only thing left is that we need a DATE. You know, a hot date. A nice dinner and some time to really think about what's coming up and enjoy each other. Life is about to change and we both want to savor what we have now for just a few more minutes.

It appears that our son will be here soon. I'm simply amazed. Come on little boy, your mamas can't wait to meet you.

Grandmas Side Snap Shirt Smackdown

We went shopping with M.'s mom about two weeks ago and got to hear all about what she thinks works for a baby. M's. mother declared that she doesn't know why everyone likes onesies and SIDE SNAP SHIRTS are simply a pain in the ass.

Then my mother was over last night and quizzing us over what we might be missing. The end result was that we're actually not missing much...until...she called on their way home and asked if we have SIDE SNAP SHIRTS.

M. responded that we have about six in addition to about 65 onesies. My mother responds...

Ohhhhhhhh, you need more than six. You need a TON of those.

...and proceeds to try to get my father to pull off the freeway and head to the nearest Babies 'r' Us. Color grandpa NOT HAPPY.

Although I don't come from the most reasonable family, luckily I married a level headed woman who reminded crazed grandma that it was almost 9 pm on a Sunday and no store would still be open. Color grandpa happy again.

We think it should be a battle of the Tons-of-Side-Snap-Shirts Grandma vs. Those-Useless-Side-Snap-Shirts Grandma. Pay per view. Live. No holds barred. Lots of blood and guts.

Let the assvice flow.

Two Years of babycakes

I'm sitting here, exhausted, hurting, trying to stay awake for just another half hour. It's all part of operation DON'T WAKE M. UP WITH MY SNORING. If she can get to sleep, I can slip into bed and snore my raggedy head off without keeping her up.

Anyway...

I didn't realize this until today. I've officially been writing this blog for two years (plus four days). Holy fucking shit, batman. I can't believe it. Two years of torturing the world with my innermost thoughts. Just amazing. I don't feel like it's been two years since graduating, two years since the early beginnings of our TTC journey (charting), two years since March 15th when I wrote the introductory post.

It was a year ago, in March, when we bought our stroller. A year ago! We were heading toward our fourth big fat negative. I was sure it would forever curse our efforts to get pregnant but it was the one we wanted for a good price.

It's strange because the TTC process was so hard and painful, and for the longest time I thought I'd never be able to let all of that go and that I'd carry it forever, a scar on my soul. All of that is starting to slip away. I'm glad. It was too much to hold onto.

It's been good. We learned a lot. We coped. We grew close to our fantastic KD. We made wonderful internet friends. I found an old high school friend. Would I trade the journey? Sometimes yes, most of the time, no way in hell.

And now we'll have our little guy to love, whose feet we will chew on and whose tummy we will tickle. And babycakes will turn into a mommy blog. This scares me. Change scares me, but that's the nature of the bull. I'll just hold on for the ride, keep looking for the good and keep writing.

Thanks to everyone who has been on this ride with us. We love you.

And now it's time for bed.

BP Rising

Firstly, congrats to Tamsin and Karen, and their just beautiful little boy, Toby.

My BP is still not behaving itself. 150/98 this am. Too high. Color Sacha NOT HAPPY. I'm working on wrapping my head around the fact that we're probably going to be induced.

My new goal to not be induced until Wed night or Thursday.

We see Dr. G. again on Tuesday. My pressure is coming down if I lie down on the couch, under 140/90, so we're just going to keep my on my ass for the time being and see how things go.

In the meantime, our oldest kitty seems to sense a major change is coming. All of the sudden she's become Toddler Cat, begging to be picked up constantly. She is NOT going to be happy when LB arrives.

Low Riding Little Boy

LB has dropped. My heartburn resolved about a week ago. When they did the ultrasound on Friday his head was pretty much sitting in my crotch. I can feel him pressing down on my cervix and my bowel. Our doc thinks we're not going to go over.

We'll see.

The worst part is when I get up in the middle of the night. If I have a full bladder (which is always because I have a bladder of steel) I can feel him pressing down on EVERYTHING and I can barely turn over or walk to get to the bathroom.

Maybe I should pull a stalker crazy astronaut stunt and wear a diaper to bed.

Time to go visit the bathroom AGAIN.

Induction Scare

My bp was up today and my weight is up over last week (too many cookies, very bad preggo). So our doc did a PIH panel and told us that if the labs came back looking bad we were going to go ahead and induce.

WE ARE SOOOOOO NOT READY.

M. and I had to seriously consider what it would mean if LB arrives in the next couple days. What things would need to be done? How would we cope?

I kept telling my body to just give me one more week. I need that time to get into the right head space. I want to finish our birthing class. M. has a job interview on Wednesday. We are planning on an Aries baby, dammit. Just one more week, then LB can make his appearance.

AHHHH!

Our doc called. My labs were fine. I probably need to get some more rest.

Talk about a wake up call.

37 Weeks!

Well, according to some circles out there, we are to term.

The pain in my hips is reaching critical mass. I think I'm going to have to start sleeping sitting up and I'm not particularly happy about it. It seems like I'm finally entering the part of pregnancy where the inevitable outcome is wanting LB out no matter what that means.

Ugh.

I have to admit that I've enjoyed the third trimester more than the previous two. The first was nerve-wracking. I was still sick half-way through the second, and then I actually felt mostly normal and not terribly pregnant. Now I'm hugely preggo and get to feel and watch our little guy try to make himself just a little bit more room. It's just so cool. I don't care if I hurt. I don't care if I'm tired. It's COOL.

I'm starting to think about not being pregnant. I can barely remember what my body was like before getting pregnant so I'm preparing to rediscover myself afterward. I'm mentally giving myself a year after the birth before I get back to normal, whatever that may be.

So here we are. Almost to the end of this journey and I'm kind of sad to see things wrapping up. That's okay, though, because it's the start of entirely different kind of adventure...parenting.

Yikes.

Thoughts of Unmedicated Birth

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what's ahead. Labor is becoming less conceptual and more impending. Part of my processing has been thinking about the decision M. and I have made to work toward an unmedicated birth.

My desire for an unmedicated birth was primarily formed in nursing school where I saw first-hand the cascade of interventions: epidural, vasodilation, oxygen, mom in distress, baby in distress, vacuum extraction, c-section.

Lately I've come to understand that my desire for an unmedicated birth has become about feelings.

M. and I have worked so hard for this baby, and we have fought through this pregnancy to get the care that we need. We've embraced the joys and pain of TTC and pregnancy and I don't want to go through that just to not feel.

Then there's him. The boy. He can't decide to get narcotics or an epidural. He can't say 'stop' when my uterus squeezes him. I just can't imagine making a decision to make my life easier when he's going through so much. I want to be connected to him, to feel him, for him to never be isolated and alone. I want that from the beginning.

I know there are reasons for pain relief. Good reasons. Reasonable reasons. I know an epidural may be a decision M. and I make at some point. I know I'm scared about labor, and that's okay. If I can't embrace my fears, I can't get through what lies ahead.

The Car Seat

We have a monster of a car seat in the back of our car now. M. installed it and it's a beast. Soon there will be a boy in that car seat. A boy! In the car seat!

What is up with that?

It's funny because you read about how happy you will be when you get that BFP, followed by sheer and utter fear about exactly what you've done. I never felt I got that fear. Until now.

What the hell have we done?

I'm still amazed every single day that I'm pregnant and that we're finally starting the family that M. and I have dreamed of for easily over ten years. I'm still amazed that we decided to get pregnant, found sperm and did it. Okay, it took eight tries, but we did it. We're FUCKING PREGNANT and in no time we'll FUCKING BE MOMS.

Wow.

Does this happen at the end? Do you end up feeling all contemplative but at the same time like you're standing on the edge of a precipice, about to tumble in? Is it your psyche telling you that you need a strange combination of pure and utter joy along with sheer terror to get through what is coming in just a matter of weeks?

Yes, all this because of the car seat in the back of our very tiny car.

A Queer Community of My Own

M. and I have always been integrationists when it comes to being lesbians. It's easy to be this way in Seattle. Being queer here gives you no more in common with another person than if you both had blonde hair. Considering that Seattle is a stand-offish town in general, the protocol when you run into other lesbians is simply to ignore them.

That's always been pretty much okay with me...until now.

The process of TTC then being a pregnant lesbian has made me long for community. For the first time I'm starting to realize that my needs as a mother-to-be and as a parent cannot be met through the largely straight world. I guess we've gone from being a minority (queer) to being a super-minority (queer parents).

I want my people. I want support groups and queer only birth classes. I want play groups stuffed full of queer parents. I want to be understood. I'm tired of my needs being sacrificed over and over again because pregnancy and birthing are the territory of the heterosexual.

M. has been telling me there are a lot of same-sex parents in Seattle. If so, where are they? We've started to search for some groups that would support our need to be in community with other people like us and have come up with zilch.

I don't think this is an isolated experience.

I've seen other lesbians who are already parenting talk about the isolation they feel from The Community when it comes to support and child-friendly places. I don't want to turn into one of those parents who behave like the world should be formed in the image of a giant family-friendly restaurant, but I do want to be able to find a place where I, M. and LB can belong, even if just for a hour or so a week.

Belly Double Shot: 34 & 36 Weeks

34 and 36 weeks (because I've been lazy about downloading the pics). Goodness, I'm getting huge.

36 weeks has officially been deemed the Princess Edition since I'm wearing my Princess tiara.

36 Weeks + 1 Day

Time for a bit of a pregnancy update.

We've started down the path of the planned increased diagnostic testing due to my hypertension. Ultrasound yesterday, non-stress test today, another NST on Tuesday then ANOTHER on Friday. Really, when did we have time to work? Pregnancy is a full-time job.

LB is doing great. He's still head down. He's 6.2 pounds. He's officially been deemed a SMALL (but not too small) baby! No ten pounder here. His cord pressure is good. He passed his NSTs with flying colors. We've decided that he is just the most absolutely perfect baby! We love him.

He kicked like a crazy boy during the NST and I actually had a CONTRACTION! I didn't really feel it...maybe just a little belly tightening. I'm having about 2-3 braxton-hicks per day at this point.

Dr. G. told us that small babies tend to come before or on their due dates. We'll see.

Belly pic tonight. I'll post it over the weekend. M. is putting us on weekly belly shots until the birth. LB is in the least well documented.

Less than a week until we're officially to term.

Boob Grabbin' Boy

We spent a very nice day shopping with my MIL for LOTS AND LOTS of little boy clothes. She really is going crazy. He's going to be a well dressed kidlet when he finally makes his appearance.

While we were driving back to the house, my MIL makes the statement that she hopes we won't be breastfeeding until LB is two, because if we do, he's going to become a BOOB GRABBER. This is based off our nephew who was breastfed until two and at some point was grabbing for a boob that wasn't his mother's. Watch out for breast fed two-year-old boys...they might just randomly feel you up.

M. and I were both like WTF??? It was so funny.

I told her that he's going to just have to be a boob lovin' breast fed momma's boy since our plan is to breast feed until at least two. End of story.

Birthing Classes - Beware the Coyote-ess!

M. and I are almost through our birthing classes. A lot of ice cubes have given their lives to our preparation.

I don't know how I feel about the birth classes. We paid a lot of money to take a non-hospital birthing class and I think we were both expecting a lot out of it. It's been okay. The breathing and pain coping exercises have been useful.

Our teacher doing contraction reinactments that look a bit like orgasms weekly on the floor, has not been hugely helpful. Well, except for the snicker value to bring. Is it right to snicker one's way to birth?

Last night all the "ladies" (clearly M. is not one of the ladies) sat in a circle and she made up make moaning noises. I'm sorry. I have every confidence in my ability to make a HELL of a lot of noise in labor, but I'm not going to let loose in a room full of people who are still strangers without actually having a reason (like a real contraction).

I informed our instructor that I have every intention to scream, spit and cuss my way through labor and I pity the FOOL that gets in my way.

She called me a "coyote-ess".

Beware the Coyote-ess.

Baby Shower - The Aftermath

Zoe is playing Vanna White to our shower gifts. Actually, she's saying "Mommy! I love my new room!"

The shower was fun. It was an elephant theme and there were pink and blue elephant candles as favors. I got to talk to all my nursing school friends who are busy getting engaged and having their own babies. We got a nice balance of clothes and things we actually need. And we have enough returns/duplicates that we'll be able to buy our crib mattress.

AND...we have all but three of our thank you notes done. Because we ROCK. It was hard but we powered through.

One more shower to go. This one will be more casual, potluck and really fun because it'll be a room full of nurses. It will also be at 37.5 weeks. Oh boy. We're getting there, aren't we?

How Did We Ever Manage to Work?

I swear I don't know how we worked. Every since M. was laid off we've been non-stop busy. We don't even have time to work on the financial things we need to get done because we're so busy getting ready for LB. Today we wrote thank you notes all morning then met with our doula. Now we're going for a short walk then the boy (DtD) is coming over and we're going to dinner.

I wanted to take a nap this afternoon. Ha ha double HA!

M. and I are starting to work on telling LB that it's okay for him to come out. We love him, he has a nice family and we're excited to meet him. He has a nice, very blue, room. He's planned for and very wanted. And we're going to be the best mommies we can and love him every single moment.

So it's okay to leave my (increasingly) snug and warm uterus. It's different out here but not too scary.

Forecast is showers...BABY showers!

Our shower is today. M. and I are feeling ever so slightly overwhelmed. There are 43 people coming and I SWEAR to everyone reading this that we only have five friends. Where did the other 38 come from?

Should be fun. We need the stuff, especially with M. being laid off. It's not like we were ever swimming in money but now we have to be extra careful.

I also just found out that my work peeps are going to do a shower on March 17th. I can't say how happy I am about this because I work with a great group and I miss them. I'm glad to have some time to hang out since I ended up leaving work abruptly.

I'll post pics. In the meantime, we're making lunch as just one way to say thank you to the hosts. If there is one thing I can do well, it's feed people.

100% Lesbian Made

We had our doc appointment yesterday and everything looks good. My BP looks good and Dr. G. has declared that I'm having a HEALTHY pregnancy. I can't tell you how good those words sound.

As the MA was hooking up the NST machine he was asking questions, including if the baby has a dad...ahem...and then proceeded to tell us about another doctor in the office, Dr. D., who is on one of the Rosie O'Donnell family cruises.

He, he...Dr. D. is a lesbian!

I'm not sure about the MA outing the doc. I was thinking about it this morning. Both M. and I are VERY out and I don't really care if other people tell the world that I'm a lesbian and madly in love with another woman. BUT...it's not something I share freely with my patients, and it's not like Dr. D. has it screaming from her personal profile. I don't think I'd be 100% thrilled if one of my coworkers shared the information with my patients.

I still like that we now know that it didn't just take a village to make LB, it took a LESBIAN village. Dr. D. is the MD who did our IUI!!!

Pregnancy Tea

We made a pilgrimage to Ballard last night to go to a botanical store that carries a good blend of pregnancy tea. If any of our readers are familiar with Seattle, we live south and going north is pretty much an event. It doesn't happen often.

$14 and a lot of profanity around the utter lack of parking in Ballard later, our entire kitchen smells a little like a farm. The tea is very concentrated and you place an entire bag in the crock pot, pour boiling water over then steep it for 4-12 hours. It seriously smells like something you would feed a goat.

All for a well-toned uterus.

M. says we are going to get intentional in the next five weeks. Preggo tea. Evening primrose at 36 weeks. Good carbohydrates (do fudgecicles count? They work great for heartburn.) Yoga. Walking.

Time to get serious about getting ready for LB to come out.

Painting Part IV: The Kitchen

I finally got some pictures of the kitchen.

I was bad and didn't get any before pics. Just imagine that it was the same rental white with putty trim that we had all over the house.

Now it's GREEN!

One green is a sherbet green...a nice cool lime. The other is jalepeno, but only one wall.

The top picture is our little kitchen nook which serves as our office. It's nice and sunny.

I have a love-hate relationship with our kitchen. I love it because it's big. When we moved into the house I was so excited to have a bigger kitchen and be able to get more GEAR. We filled up the entire kitchen with what we already owned. That's what happens when you keep half your pans in the oven!

I hate the kitchen because the counters are tile, the cupboards are white and I'm not sure if you could have a more hideous combination. It's impossible to roll out pastry dough.

But it's livable, I love our dishwasher and, once again, it's big (enough)!

Flickr Set

35 Weeks Today!

This is kind of an eventful turnover.

I know that 34 weeks is the milestone, but for us, it's 35. Because at this point if my blood pressure spikes, LB is coming out. No more interventions. No IV blood pressure meds and monitoring. He's okay enough that if something goes wrong it's better for him to come out than stay all snug inside. It would be induction on my so-not-ready-cervix.

Yikes.

Are we ready? Hell NO! I'm still mentally working through the fact that the baby inside my tummy will be on the outside. It's wonderous. It's hella scary. The crib still isn't here (okay, we don't really NEED it since we're cosleeping, but....). The house is a MESS. Our hospital bag isn't packed.

Are all those other people liars? You know, the ones who blissfully look at you, rub their overly swollen bellies and declare that they are actually READY? Or are we just incredibly lame? Or do we refuse to do what we need to do until under pressure?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?????????

Poor LB, doomed to a life of chaos with the Uber Unprepared Lesbians. At least it feels that way at the moment.